tucked in

walking, thinking, pacing
inside, outside, revelations flash
how did it happen so much
behind white picket fences
from one house of abuse to another
from one bed of abuse to another
tucked in each night “sweet dreams”
with monstrous insatiable lust “silent screams”
ravaged in the dark, ravaged in the light
as my innocent mind takes flight
a walk in the park, creatures of the dark
every night tucked in tight
rag doll tossed carelessly
into the carnivores nest
she did not know?
she did not see?
a sacraficial lamb
i did not want to be?
said she knew his secrets yet denied them true
yet right before her very eyes black and blue
with love???was i
oh God oh God oh God oh God
oh Jesus i am trying to cry
but blood pours out of my soul in dreams
ringing in my ears, headphones on,
sweet songs play then metal screams
drowning out the jeers just a little queer to hear
all the accusations being spit at me
i am shattered in a million pieces
but i want to be whole
i don't know who i am but i know where i been
every night every night every night many years
except for the rare occasions when she went in
or i was too sick again; frown other than that
you tucked me in a bed of sin
and went on down and waited
for the evening news to finish
you knew the hell i was in for it was yours
too hard for you so i did your chores
and now you cannot look me in the eye
because i'm the whore
and you ignore my silent cries
covering the lies with shame
making me feel like blame
and covering him instead