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#335905 - 07/13/10 09:23 AM Birds and blue
Berzerk Offline

Registered: 07/07/10
Posts: 4
Loc: Sweden
There is two things in particular i remember about the reason why i need this place. Details about the events are not as clear, they are also there somewhere to pick up pieces from if i have to, but only if someone else asks the right question. I do not want to ask myself the question.

Blue is the second thing. This i do not like because i am always reminded of it at night. I chose it myself when we moved there, so it could as well have been something else. Like black to hide the dirt or red to hide the blood. I do not know what color would hide that other stuff, maybe black too or white. When i chose it i liked blue, but i do not anymore. I remember trying to scratch off the blue with my nails.

Birds are the first thing. I do not hate them for reminding me of bad things, it is not their fault. They never hurt me, they always wanted to help me. They would be just outside the window asking me to please come join them, but i had to tell them i could not get out of the blue. They understood that, so instead of leaving they kept me company. I could not see them because the blinds were always closed, but they would talk and sing for me. When someone came into the room birds got louder so i would not have to hear anything else than them. At first, when i did not have to be in the blue, i was scared the birds did not want to be with me anymore. But they are still here. I do not know how long they will stay but i hope it is forever.

#335908 - 07/13/10 11:28 AM Re: Birds and blue [Re: Berzerk]
pkincrisi Offline

Registered: 04/09/10
Posts: 96
Loc: Wisconsin

First of all, it was good meeting you in chat the other day. I meant what I said about there being a lot of great people here who are dedicated to helping you heal.

I understand what you meant about not wanting to ask yourself the question. It can be really hard to ask that first question. It's like opening a door to a room that you are afraid to walk into. I spent 25 years with my door on the handle before I started the process. For me, once I asked that first question, when I opened the door, I realized that my abuse wouldn't have that power over me anymore.

There are a lot things that we hate like you hate blue. There are certain colors, smells, sounds, etc. They remind us of what happened. For me, it's a song that my abuser sang. Every time I here it, I usually change the station or skip the song. Realize that you aren't alone in that.

I'm glad that you had the birds talking and singing to you. I'm glad that they brought you comfort. And now you have found a new group of "birds". We are here for you whenever you need us. We won't abandon you or tell you that we don't want to be with you anymore. We are here for you to listen and remind you that are not alone.

You've taken some strong and important steps by joining MS, Berzerk. Keep taking them. And know that we are walking with you.


Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

#335968 - 07/13/10 11:54 PM Re: Birds and blue [Re: pkincrisi]
Berzerk Offline

Registered: 07/07/10
Posts: 4
Loc: Sweden
Thank you Steve.


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