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#33589 - 03/31/05 03:53 AM Why does it return?
xenoman Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/11/05
Posts: 18
Loc: Montana
Hello again everyone and thanks to everyone that has shared. There are some real good posts here since I have been away. The good thing is that since posting here my life has gotten better.
In just being able to open up and share what has been in my head for years about the SA I have felt better about myself. My desires to look or seek out porn has improved. However, last night I had a slip in that area. Why does it return?
I wished that I knew but it does from time to time. Just like an appetite for certain things in our life. I did notice though that when I was surfing through the porn sections I looked at it in a different view. Maybe more objectively than seeking to fulfill my desire. The question that kept coming to my mind was why is there so much available now. Why are there so many young males out there seeking male to male sexual experiences. To me it seems unbelieveable that so many are there. Also, it never changes so it seems. I mean, how many ways can it be photographed? Not too many from the view point I was looking from. Front, back, sideways, top, bottom and of course male studs only, two way, three way, anal, etc. For some odd reason it did not seem to excite me nearly as much as before finding this site. So maybe there is progress already from an obsession that I thought would never end. Thanks everyone.

#33590 - 03/31/05 10:34 AM Re: Why does it return?
Bobby Offline

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
Xeno, Read it, thought about it, have no answer, but I did want you to know that your post didn't go somewhere into empty space. Sometimes that's how it feels, and it's important to know that something that you thought was worth writing about was considered worth thinking about to someone else. Hope that made some sort of sense. Bobby

I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.

#33591 - 03/31/05 04:18 PM Re: Why does it return?
reality2k4 Offline

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6845
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Xenoman, I know the feeling, I was heavy into porn, of all kinds.

I have since dumped the lot, and do not bother even seeking it, rather, I avoid it at all cost.

I feel that I now have a lot more control of my life, and it is only this place, and the realisation of who I have become, through sharing the past hurt, that has got me to this point.

When it comes down to it, porn is all the same, it is an illusion, and it debases morality.

Unfortunately the net is flooded with it, and nobody seems to be able to do much about it, but I have managed to avoid it, by just sticking to the places I know and trust.



Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

#33592 - 03/31/05 10:56 PM Re: Why does it return?
bkeithb Offline

Registered: 03/23/05
Posts: 63
Loc: Milwaukee
I don't know if this helps, but I have figured out something with regard to my occasional binges into porn. I've figured out that I binge when things are, apparently, going well. I've just acheived something good. Relationship with my wife going well ... work is going well ... etc. It's like I can't stand for things to go well or feel good about me. So, I sabatage myself and binge on porn ... and then feel lousy about myself again.

Does that make any sense?

I don't know if that resonates with you at all. Maybe I'm just screwed up (ha).

As to effective ways to avoid it ... I fall back on my faith and pray for forgiveness and strength.


#33593 - 03/31/05 11:08 PM Re: Why does it return?
phoster Offline

Registered: 11/21/03
Posts: 758
Loc: ohio
anything you deny and repress has a lot of power. you feel the porn is wrong, so you deny yourself. you miss it, and you white knuckle through a period of time without it. each and every day without it, the call gets louder. then all it takes is something to go bad, or some kind of trigger and bingo you jump right for it.

i wish i could say do this, and you wont want it any more, but i can't. what i can suggest is to keep trying, and to keep taking long deep looks at yourself and your life. fight to fill the holes in your life. if you arent getting the attention you need, ask for it. find other outlets to fill your time, and try to fill any idle time with something possitive so you dont have time to miss it as much. as you put it all together, things like that kind of slowly lose thier power, or that's my experience anyway.

compassion is a light even to the darkest soul

#33594 - 04/01/05 12:05 AM Re: Why does it return?
Dan88 Offline

Registered: 08/07/02
Posts: 247
Loc: DC
My two cents: Viewing porn is a self-medicating experience. The desire comes back because the pain being medicated isn't really addressed. It's just masked for a while. But eventually, it re-emerges and the desire to medicate returns with it.

Take care,

#33595 - 04/01/05 02:27 AM Re: Why does it return?
xenoman Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/11/05
Posts: 18
Loc: Montana
Thanks to everyone for your insights. Your thoughts are important and I really appreciate your participation in this discussion. We do gain strength from one another. Peace and blessings to you all.

#33596 - 04/01/05 07:24 PM Re: Why does it return?
Nord Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 04/01/05
Posts: 1
I would never have believed there was a place where even topics such as this could be discussed. Talk about the taproot of the shame and self-loathing. Thank you all.

Here's to taking back control of my life and being who I am, not who they tried to make me be.



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