Hey Traveller.....I know your pain......I too have everything that I want, except for the pain/loneliness caused by the abuse.
It is a PROCESS....I know that sounds like blah, blah, blah, but it is true and it took me a long time to realize it...I too wanted it over quickly so I could simply move on....unfortunately, it does not work like that.
all is not lost, just realize that these are just feelings moving through, not what you are, and they will come and go....YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
I hope that this helps traveller.
A scared little boy who is trying to heal and feel again..