Thanks for sharing part of your inner self. I have had fantasies of being a female for as long as I can remember. Not trans, bi, or gay - actually a bio female. Well, gay as in a lesbian. I've been attracted to maybe 5 males in my life. But I've felt an obsession towards very "pretty" women.
I did believe that the abuse would not have happened or somehow I would have been able to deal with it better as a girl. A 3 -5 y/o girl couldn't handle that abuse any better than a boy that age. Dr. Joe Kort, of Ask The Sex Doc
forum, said that we all have "sexual templates" which shape our desires and fantasies. Check out his forum for a much better explanation.