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#334294 - 06/21/10 04:39 AM My stupid physical reactions, pos trigger
dark empathy Offline

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2670
Loc: durham, north england
I must confess I wasn't going to post about this, because I dont really want to think about it, but I will anyway.

the other day, we finished a production. at the aftershow party one of the girls, ---- being a trifle drunk, suddenly turned round and hugged me inthusiastically, kissing me on the cheak and saying what a fantastic voice I had.

I hugged her back rather startled (I'd had a couple of drinks myself which helped to cushion the shock), but then suddenly I reacted, ie, i had an errection and suddenly bang! ouch, I was feeling bloody awful again, and just wanted to disengage.

This I did tastefully, but suddenly i was zoned out, unaware, and thinking something bad would happen and that said girl must have noticed.

she however didnt and continued chatting to me, even attempting to take my hand. we spent some more time together, though both drifted around the party chatting to other people, however she left before I had a chance to say goodbye (her mum who was there apparently drank seriously too much).

Its not her possible interest in me which bothers me (I think she was just being drunk really), it was my reaction.

I hate! my body getting out of control like that, especially in public! I wish I could stop my body reacting like this.

I try my best by using mb nightly which helps considderably, but at a moment like that it didnt work, and I stil reacted!

I wish I could stop myself reacting like that, it always scares and disgusts me! so often when I was a teenager, having that reaction in public noticed by someone else would make really bad stuff happen.

yes, it's pure pavlov, but I'm stil stuck with it, sinse the only association with s/x and my reactions I've got is bad.

that is why I prefer to mb, it releases pressure under my control.

Any thoughts or suggestions would be welcome.

and I'm really sorry if this either bothers another person or is in the wrong place.

#334300 - 06/21/10 05:44 AM Re: My stupid physical reactions, pos trigger [Re: dark empathy]
Freedom49 Offline

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 2724
Loc: Washington State
Luke, this is a normal physiological reaction. It is heightened I think by the fact that you are hypersensitive to such displays and touching. The hugging and close contact bring back a lot of unpleasant and perhaps pleasant feelings that you would rather not have.

Perhaps the one way maybe the only way to desensitize yourself is by more frequent exposure. Hugging beautiful drunk women to desensitize yourself would help. Nasty job that but someone has to do it. Because you avoid it and have an actual aversion to it I think causes you to have an actual heightened reaction to it. That causes you distress which can eventually increas the possibility of more sensitivity to it.

It is the only suggestion I have and if you know someone you can trust to help you through this I think it would do you some good to, through practice reduce your physiological reaction and your psychological reaction to such encounters. Kind of like learning to tolerate cold, or heat or pain.


#334304 - 06/21/10 07:30 AM Re: My stupid physical reactions, pos trigger [Re: Freedom49]
dark empathy Offline

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2670
Loc: durham, north england
Hmm, I'd rather have cold heat or pain really.

I'm not actually sure what to do with this, but because of social sterriotypes I'm pretty stuck, especially sinse it's a litle too embarrising to ask most of my female friends about sinse I tend to be fairly sensative about touch generally, ---- at least with humans.

The one friend I could ask is already fairly physical and is about the only person I know who can! hug me without me flinching, but equally who never ensites reactions from me sinse she's rather a lot like my brother (yes, that gender is correct), despite the fact that she is no where near unattractive in the aesthetic sense.

Maybe it's just that we've always had an understanding, sinse back in my first year though many people thought we were together she said to me "I like you! but not in that way" which is the same way I felt about her, and stil do (she got married in march), so maybe this is why i don't react? god knows!

The fact that this girl at the party smelled of smoke (which is a major trigger for me as well), didn't help either.

I really hate those sorts of reactions.


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