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#334258 - 06/20/10 10:44 PM Odd "fantasy"
KingFred Offline

Registered: 04/23/10
Posts: 57
Loc: West Coast, USA
I don't know if this belongs here or not. If this is the wrong place, I'm sorry.
Also, !!!TRIGGER WARNING!!! just in case.

Since I was like twelve, I've had one recurring sexual fantasy. This fantasy is...well, I don't know. I've wanted to know what it's like to be a female and have vaginal sex with a guy. But, I'm straight (relatively speaking...only gay towards cute cross-dressers/transgendered male-to-female individuals).
Am I the only one with this fantasy? I've heard of other survivors saying that they've wanted to be the opposite gender because they felt/feel that the abuse would never have happened if they were the opposite gender.

Not particularly a fan of hugs. High fives and well wishes are always appreciated though.

#334305 - 06/21/10 12:14 PM Re: Odd "fantasy" [Re: KingFred]
1islandboy Offline

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 906
Loc: washington

You are not alone on this one...

I had gleanings of a female alter...(to this day...I am not sure if she actually existed ~or~ not...but I named her "Sharina")...

Part of my recovery involved shiatsu (?sp)...deep tissue massage...which ended up being a really trippy catartic healing experience that may have possibly involved some type of integration...idk...(all I do know is it would be next to impossible to explain these experiences in words).

I do know that...I don't spend a lot of effort trying to be hypermasculine...(though I have been down that road)...In the end...I am totally comfortable in just being my androgenous self.

As far as I am concerned...I don't think being the opposite gender would have made a lick of difference as far as my abuse is concerned...

I also remember having strong feminine feelings and wanting to be girl while being abused. I don't believe it was ever anything he said...(just something I felt).

Lola (Kinks) ~~/~~ Goodbye to Jane (Antichrisis)


Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

#334972 - 06/30/10 04:45 PM Re: Odd "fantasy" [Re: 1islandboy]
SaberCat Offline
New Here

Registered: 03/02/07
Posts: 47
Loc: Florida, US

Thanks for sharing part of your inner self. I have had fantasies of being a female for as long as I can remember. Not trans, bi, or gay - actually a bio female. Well, gay as in a lesbian. I've been attracted to maybe 5 males in my life. But I've felt an obsession towards very "pretty" women.

I did believe that the abuse would not have happened or somehow I would have been able to deal with it better as a girl. A 3 -5 y/o girl couldn't handle that abuse any better than a boy that age. Dr. Joe Kort, of Ask The Sex Doc forum, said that we all have "sexual templates" which shape our desires and fantasies. Check out his forum for a much better explanation.


Edited by SaberCat (07/15/10 06:57 PM)
Edit Reason: Added Link
"There is always hope."


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