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#334078 - 06/18/10 04:30 PM Seeing sex as disrespect and power
MrCompassion Offline

Registered: 03/30/10
Posts: 11
Hej guys

I am engaged with a honest and accepting girl. i love her a lot and so does she, our problem start when we have sex.

when i have sex with her, sometimes it is good and sometimes is not. the times is not, is when i feel guilt and shame.
we come from a culture where girls is not supposed to have sex or have boyfriends till they marry. we both do not believe in this rule and she has openly told me about her past romantic life and i have told her my past, but while i had sex with her last time, a thought of her and her ex come up. and it bothered me a lot and it felt like she was damaged goods, for having that boyfriend and that she say yes to sex with me, made her look like a weak person :S
and last time i found myself feeling empowered by the sex and it felt like i see her as something weak because she said yes to me to have sex. it was like i got some power over her and afterward i were more assertive toward her.

usually i have fear of judgment and abandonment and being approved by her, but after the sex, all this fear just goes away and it is like i am not afraid for she leaves me.

Deep inside me i know that she has sex with me is because she loves me and cares about me, and me having those thoughts, makes me feel like, i take advantage of her or doing something really wrong to her
i really once again wanted avoid sex with her, but i know it is not the solution,

thanks for any comment you guys give.

#334125 - 06/19/10 04:33 AM Re: Seeing sex as disrespect and power [Re: MrCompassion]
pufferfish Offline

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: MrCompassion
we come from a culture where girls is not supposed to have sex or have boyfriends till they marry.

If you were brought up this way, you are tying yourselves in knots to not live by it.



#334145 - 06/19/10 01:45 PM Re: Seeing sex as disrespect and power [Re: pufferfish]
kidneythis Offline

Registered: 11/09/09
Posts: 1558
Mr Compassion,
Those thoughts and feelings are to be expected based on what I've seen in your posts so far. It has nothing to do with her and everything to do with you> I think you may know this.

The issue is how you see her and women in general. To overcome this you will have to work to change the way you look and think about women. When you come to see them as being equal to yourself, a full person just like you allowed to do the same things you can, then it won't be such a problem.

As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.


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