I am Ryan. I have spent a lot of time reading the stories of others, so I thought it was time to share mine. Like many of you, his is hard for me. I have not shared the entire experience with many. here goes.
When I was 11 years old I lived in California with my family. My father worked for an engineering firm that focused on engines and transportation. He was transfered to Asia. We all went with him. During our time there we traveled around a lot. His assignment was for a year and he was responsible for setting up stuff in the Russian Federation. I'm not really sure what it all entailed.
For much of the time we lived outside of Moscow. We went to an American School. I had a younger brother and an older sister. During our time there, I became friends with some of the local children. We would spend afternoons hanging out by the Moskva River. My one friend, Alex, introduced me to a larger group of boys. They had an "uncle" named Gleb. On weekends we would hang out at his apartment. One day when I was there playing cards, I was offered something to drink. That would be the last normal thing to happen to me in a long time. I don't remember much, but I remember feeling groggy.
I woke up sometime later in a place I didn't know. This was the beginning of my terror. I was now a part of an underground world. My first night there, Gleb explained to me that I was given to him by my parents and that if I wanted to live I would do what I was told. I was then brought into a room with a matress on the floor and some other furnishings. I remember it smelled mike mold. There was another man in the room with a camera. I was told to give my name and birthdate to the camera. i did. I was then raped. I remember how much time the camera man spent capturing my face nad screams.
That night I was brought to a room with other boys around my age. None of them spoke English and I spoke no russian. We slept three and four in a bed. As I laid there crying and older boy put his arm around me and whispered something in my ear. He was trying to consoul me.
Over the next few years, I would be taped having sex with all of those boys and more. I would be rented out to men. I would be forced to pleasure the men who ran our organization daily. I tried to get help. But the whole town was corrupt. I was never allowed to work the streets. Both because I could speak English and would be considered a kidnaped boy and because as an American I was more "valuable." I still can't believe that men preferred to rape an American boy.
At night we would all sleep together. i don't think I need to tell you the things that happened in that room. My comrades and I became friends and were more than happy to "be with" one another. I know this sounds disturbing, but the moments I had with those kids were actually quite tender and pleasant. I can't believe I feel that way.
My ordeal lasted about 5 years. Over that time I went from a kid screaming in pain on the camera, to one smiling and climaxing while being fucked.
When I was 15 the Russian government put the heat on and I was given money and directions back to Moscow. I went to a bank and explained that I was an American citizen who was lost. I was reunited with my family and told my story.
I remember my first moths back not feeling like I belonged. I actually missed my friends. As i assimilated back to life in the US, I had to remind myself that it wasn't normal to make-out with your guy friends. I have read that many of you experienced SSA, I don't think that was it. It is just that if you spend enough time with sex as a part of friendship, it become an ostensive definition.
I am in a committed relationship with a wonderful woman now and am quite successful. I still feel guilty about my past.
Anyway, that is it in a nutshell. I didn't think it was fair to keep snooping without sharing. I want to end by saying "Thank You." This place has given me a place to work through some things.
Edited by ModTeam (06/06/10 10:49 PM)