I would imagine that the feeling on being abused that you're talking about is related to what Ron (moderator) talks about when he says that abuse changes the wiring of our brains. It makes sense when you think about it. If we as survivors walk around with a feeling of always being abused (which is also the case with me), whether we actually are currently being abused or not, there has to be some underlying brain activity causing this feeling, rather than it being the result of our immediate environment. I'd saying have this knowledge of the how abuse changes the brain is a large part of how one recovers from abuse. With this knowledge it is understood that it will take time to change such things as how the brain is wired and functions.
The good news is that the wiring of our brains can be changed in time. It may take longer than we expect it to take though, but I have a strong belief (based on what I've read about therapy/mindfulness breathing/research on neuro- plasticity) that we can make such deep biologically rooted changes to our brains. These changes will no doubt correspond with changes in how we feel, think, and act. You have touched upon an issue that keeps coming up for me and other suvivors of abuse that I've read here at MS.
We desperately want to make progress and sometimes to put the past behind us once and for all. When you have knowledge of how abuse impacts the very structure and functioning of our brains, you can maybe understand better the necessity to keep at recovery and healing in order to undue those changes. It can be done. To reinforce this belief, I suggest reading up on the subject. A good book to get you started is one that Ron recommended to me, and which has helped me in my recovery, and that is "Being A Brain Wise Therapist" by Bonnie Badenoch.
I see recovery as a lifelong journey rather than a final destination, a journey, though, which can have many successes along the way.
WoR Alumnus - Hope Springs, OH, October 2009
My avatar is the farmhouse at the Hope Spring, OH WoR. It's a nice place.