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#332968 - 06/05/10 01:41 AM fixing things
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
There is some messy stuff happening in the lives of some of my friend's right now that is causing me stress but I am telling myself that I can be a friend without having to feel personally responsible for fixing things.

This has always been a challenge for me, unduly taking on other people's problems as my own I mean, although in this experience I'm trying to turn that around and not feel burdened to do something except listen, nothing more, nothing less.


_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#332995 - 06/05/10 11:57 AM Re: fixing things [Re: jls]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2488
Loc: UK
It is definitely important not to get tangled up in other peoples business, usually it means you will end up being the one getting all the blame.

Sometimes it is good to stand back when things go crazy, let your friends know you are there, but don't try to "fix" their problems.

You are doing the right thing by taking care of yourself in this- that's important.

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#333115 - 06/06/10 05:47 PM Re: fixing things [Re: king tut]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
Agreed about what you said. I'm just so accustomed to assuming a caretaking role (I think in part due to being the oldest) that it is really easy for me to slip into assuming other's problems as my own. Being an abuse survivor may have something to do with this to. We seem to go to extremes, as in we either need to be taken care of or do the caretaking with not much middle ground. Anyways in this experience I am putting limits on it, which no one resents, since I've realized that this expectation to care for people is self imposed and not by others, if this makes any sense. Anyways it feels good to say to myself that its OK to be OK even if other's I care about aren't. On the surface this may sound selfish but I have a right to be happy and secure, independent of whatever pain and suffering that exists in this world. It's taken me forever to realize this but perhaps its finally sinking in.

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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