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#333219 - 06/07/10 11:41 PM Re: Is life a dream? [Re: kidneythis]
pufferfish Offline

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
It would appear that you were used in the experiments reported in this book:

The CIA Doctors: Human Rights Violations by American Psychiatrists ~ Colin A. Ross

Maybe we weren't supposed to figure this out?


#333223 - 06/08/10 12:29 AM Re: Is life a dream? [Re: pufferfish]
kidneythis Offline

Registered: 11/09/09
Posts: 1558
Thanks Allen but I don't think so. I'm fairly certain of my assessment of this being a racially motivated situation. It started when I was in the childrens area and corected the adults who came in to teach. Apparently they weren't teachers they were Black Panther's or people affiliated. They immediately hated me and didn't want me present as they taught the black children. "I aint teachin no whitey" and " I aint raisin no white boy."
When I began answering the questions first all the time then corrected them when they were wrong it started to drive them nuts. Not all but the strongest or scariest of them present. Those with sense could only protect me so much then be in danger themselves. Think Precious, not well adjusted minds we're talking about here.
They had to get a white person from the Hospital to check if the answer was correct. I don't know why except that they weren't qualified to be teaching. I think they might have thought I didn't believe what they said because they were3 black and that them being wrong didn't matter as long as the black kids saw a black person teaching. Somehow they believe that was more important than being right. How can teaching a child how to be wrong be right?
Amyway the hate and abuse began then. And as I got brighter they isolated me and blck adult staff started recruiting the other kids to abuse me. They kept me isolated from everyone even during playtime and started torturing me mentally and physically.
When I was paralysed it was a setup. A boy my age who was my frenemy. He liked me but he liked the approval of an older male father figure more. We were in the same class. It was the only safe place I could remember. The teacher, a white lady liked me and I was treated well. One day there was a substitute a black lady and she asked me and the kid to stay after class. When everyone left all of them giving me looks like they knew something was up in hindsight, she sat there silently for a few minutes then when I asked her why we were there she did not answer then got up and walked out. The kid immediately attacked me. I ran around the room avoiding him there were some older girls at the door blocking me from getting out. He eventually got me in a headlock and broke my neck in the weak spot my maternal aunt and grandmother put there with the abuse they inflicted to weaken it.

The story goes on from there. This was taken as an opportunity to destroy my memory of the abuse from the time I was there, to hide that I'd been there for years by law it was only allowed to have a child there 6 months, and to destroy the memory of who did it to me.
The whiote woman who covered up for him was the head lady from the small childrens ward, made up a story about me climbing. That is clearly a lie since I was not a climber and it is the made up story by my aunt and grandmother to explain if the damage done to my neck worked and I did die from it. My aunt and grandma would often put me up in high places then get someone to "see" me there to further justify this.
I'm pretty sure it was all at its core to hide the sexual abuse taking place in my family. Daddy's milk he called it. I don't think it was my father though it could have been.

I won't say it isn't possible as those parts of my family would and will do anything for money and selling me to the gov as "Moron" a formal Eugenics classification of person that the gov used in all sorts of ways is certainly one of them. What I recall along those lines is that the legend used to scare me was that the Army was doing experiments on people in the wards of the Hospital.

Edited by kidneythis (06/08/10 12:33 AM)
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

#333273 - 06/08/10 03:48 PM Re: Is life a dream? [Re: kidneythis]
kidneythis Offline

Registered: 11/09/09
Posts: 1558
Oh yea Allen some of the, well at least one opf the doctors treating me was down with the idea of abusing me and using drugs and ECT to destroy my memory it wasn't only the nurseing and orderly staff. One of the docs fucking hated dealing with me. The guy who came up with the idea to fuse my vertabrae was nice to me but he was also mercenary. He wouldn't listen when I told him how it hurt and how my mind no longer worked or about the headaches and ringing in my ear. Suddenly he shifted from being nice and playing with me to being a dick. He also thought it best I not remember. He was the one who designed the whole strap the Halo on me system. A halo was/is normall screwed into the skull bone. I still have the lump at one side of my head from my soft skull forming to the halo.

I'd bet money he wrote and published a paper on how he treated me and I recovered movement with only minor signs of damage. I wish I knew how to search something like that.

There was a woman who tried to save me from the ECT and she made a record of everything that happened and had it sent to the State Archive. There was open talk of destroying my files as when I got paralysed is when they realized, I didn't know my own name, I was shockingly underdeveloped and there was no record of me arriving in the place. She told me it was under an ancestor of mine's name but when I tried and failed to get the courts to open my records I told about this and the state archive denied it was even possible and that anything existed and the judge allowed herself to be manipulated into not looking into that or other areas where I had discovered by research my records probably were.
Fucked again.
Now the cop who filled out the Incident Report for the report I was finally allowed to make after a year and a half of trying to make a report is playing hide away. He scheduled a phone appointemnt with me at 3pm yesterday and thats after hours. I got the VM.
Anyway he inserted the line that I remembered in therapy when I clearly said how it happened in my 17 page report to them. I suspect that's to discourage anyone who might pick it up later as that's a red flag for "faked report". I have been trying to get him to amend it and explain that he had assumed.

And so it goes.........

I'm sorry this thread has drifted from the original post. Still I think this was organic to the discussion. If you'd like me to stop corresponding with Allen on in this vein please let me know BobCat.

Edited by kidneythis (06/08/10 05:04 PM)
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

#333343 - 06/09/10 07:38 AM Re: Is life a dream? [Re: kidneythis]
Lenz Offline

Registered: 04/23/10
Posts: 61
Loc: San Francisco

I think that the fluidity of the discussion is about reality/unreality, and therefore really quite on point.

Perhaps there is more to the underlay of falseness that we live with in society at large because of the fact that the memory of victims are particularly important to perpetrators, who are also at large in society, and can often play trusted roles, or be public figures.

Furthermore, it seems to me that that pharmaceutical industry itself thrives on "wellness" as though it were a form of amnesia, and is culpable in as much as they have mastered such influences (from ether to rohiptnol, etc.) There must be thousands of abusers whose identity becomes camouflaged by the variety of medicinal hazes that their victims will intentionally or inevitably fall in.


Edited by Lenz (06/09/10 07:40 AM)

#333352 - 06/09/10 01:13 PM Re: Is life a dream? [Re: kidneythis]
TheBobcatAgain Offline

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 524
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
Oh, buddy...

How could I suggest you stop corresponding? I wouldn't do that. No, it's perfectly okay, kidneythis. You go right on corresponding with Allen and others. I don't feel you've deviated that much from my original post. And even if you have, it's okay. This is healing for you, buddy - so I say, keep at it. smile

Your loving brother, as always,


#333353 - 06/09/10 01:17 PM Re: Is life a dream? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
kidneythis Offline

Registered: 11/09/09
Posts: 1558
Thank You
I didn't want you to think I was hijacking the thread.

As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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