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#332327 - 05/28/10 12:43 PM How far do you go?
Sobernow Offline

Registered: 05/17/10
Posts: 256
Loc: Oklahoma
I am new to this site. 51y csa survivor - just starting to address my need to heal in this area.

I have recently been obsessed with verifying certain things -- going back to hometown (my sister lives there) -- taking my wife to see the garage, the house where abuse occurred (neighbors house) --- the storage building -- where things took place ---- also searching out perps (2 older boys) today via google, etc -- driving by their house (in my city where I live now).

How far do you go? I just want to validate my vivid memories (I am very intelligent - these are not repressed memorories). I remember names, places, things, pretty much everything (i think). I was 5-6yo

Thanks guys.

#332329 - 05/28/10 12:49 PM Re: How far do you go? [Re: Sobernow]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5781
Loc: Lyons, CO USA
If you are heading towards a possible confrontation, please check this out:

Blissfully retired after 35 years treating sexual abuse

#332334 - 05/28/10 01:55 PM Re: How far do you go? [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
earlybird Offline

Registered: 02/18/10
Posts: 1007
Taking my wife to where my rape happened was incredibly healing and confirming. Iím in total support of one doing this if he and she is ready. Facing down my rapists, for me Iím afraid that would have been unwise. My wife would have killed them!

Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

#332337 - 05/28/10 02:34 PM Re: How far do you go? [Re: earlybird]
kidneythis Offline

Registered: 11/09/09
Posts: 1558
Nice name congrats.
When I first started to recall my abuse but before I had had any specific memories of it I had an obsession with finding the place it all occured on google maps.
I still look at it online a lot It is validating even though they keep tearing down the place bit by bit. There are only three building left of what was a very large complex. Still seeing what I could has helped me especially when I get doubtful of myself.
How far? I haven't stopped in three years now trying to get my records (it was a gov. Institution for children) and trying to get an investigation and justice for myself and the others whom I recall also were abused there.

Go as far as you need to to get relief is my opinion. I wish I was financially and emotionally capable of going back there in person so I could go through the records myself as it was suggested by many I spoke to there that I should.
Still I found a lot online and through phone calls.

Edited by kidneythis (05/28/10 02:41 PM)
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

#332347 - 05/28/10 03:50 PM Re: How far do you go? [Re: kidneythis]

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 983
As far as You need to go. To get closeyer



"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

#332452 - 05/29/10 06:17 AM Re: How far do you go? [Re: Sobernow]
Lenz Offline

Registered: 04/23/10
Posts: 61
Loc: San Francisco
Me? I go this far:

I file my complaint with the police in the county where it took place, and write down everything I know about what happened. Now, I hope to meet a good attorney to help me identify the principles, and understand the damages.


#332469 - 05/29/10 01:21 PM Re: How far do you go? [Re: Lenz]
catfish86 Offline

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 832
Loc: Ohio
How far is a good question. I repressed much of what happened to me. I asked questions of my mother and my sister. I went to various places. I googled family trees, obituaries. I went to land records of the county where the farm was. I located the property on county land maps, and was able to identify the property on google maps and satelite pictures. I learned that my dad molested my sister, an aunt, an uncle and yes, me. I always thought that I had never met my dad. Turns out that I had been brought over for regular weekend visits. I did remember him but I didn't realize who he was. I identified a pastor who molested me. I have stopped digging at this point because I can't handle what I have now found.

I have found a board certified trauma specialist who is giving me the tools to deal with things. Once I have that in place, there are a lot more people to contact and get information from. I eventually have to get this all out because I am sick of not knowing what was done to me. But I have to stop for now.

In short, the answer to that question is as unique as the person.

God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.


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