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#334549 - 06/24/10 04:40 PM Re: Addendums to My Story (as it unfolds) *triggers* [Re: Survivinguy]
Silly Offline

Registered: 04/21/10
Posts: 140
Loc: Virginia
Added - 6/24/2010

Today I'm ^%$&^%$&%...I want the poison drawn out of me so bad it hurts...I'm stuck going nowhere. I can't move forward emotionally crippled and hating myself for being so damned weak whithered and twisted. Why can't I move past this? why does it have beat me down into the dirt evry day? why am i so worthless

Edited by Silly (06/24/10 05:22 PM)

The Round Table, Men's Sexual Abuse Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

#334550 - 06/24/10 05:16 PM Re: Addendums to My Story (as it unfolds) *triggers* [Re: Silly]
pufferfish Offline

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA

You are going through a process of healing. It comes about with a lot of shock and shame. It is what a lot of us are going through. Just don't give up. We are here for you. We do understand.



#334552 - 06/24/10 07:58 PM Re: Addendums to My Story (as it unfolds) *triggers* [Re: pufferfish]
kidneythis Offline

Registered: 11/09/09
Posts: 1558
I find myself feeling this way often. Today is pretty close but somehow I feel like fighting back today which isn't the usual reaction.
Anyway one of my solutions is to find distractions. I watch video online, I research for information about my case or my perps, and I try as hard as possible to do something.
I always know that this to shall pass. Its only a temporary state it ebbs and flows.

As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

#334557 - 06/24/10 09:19 PM Re: Addendums to My Story (as it unfolds) *triggers* [Re: kidneythis]
petercorbett Offline

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2509
Hi, my fraternal brother.

I, was one of those whom loved his perp. He was the "mom & dad" that i never had. It has taken me 55+ years, thousands of dollars, 2 therapists, 3 WoR's, a weekend locked up in a mental facility, to realise that love of me, had nothing to do with it. My, inner child (little Pete), had told me that he never did love Ralph. On my last WoR at Sequoia, i had finally cut the last strand of that noose around my neck, that he loved me & i loved him. 55+ years living a lie.

Wet dreams, a few, hell i'm 71 years old. Dreams of the abuse, I had one about 6 months ago, i was dreaming that i was giving myself a bj, i jumped out of the bed, sat down wondering just what in the hell was going on with me.

I always mention in my introductions, be prepaired for the emotional roller coaster ride of your life.

I have been dealing with this for only 22 months. I have been from the gate of hell (suicide). To the infinity of the heavens (God) gave me back little Peter, WoR Dahlonega, Ga.
And everywhere in between.

My brother in order for us to heal, we have to pass through hell first, but it does get better. I have HOPE for you. I have HOPE for me. I have HOPE for our brothers here.

Heal well my brother, Silly, heal well.


Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.

#483877 - 06/14/15 06:03 AM Re: Addendums to My Story (as it unfolds) *triggers* [Re: Silly]
derekjw Offline

Registered: 05/28/15
Posts: 29
Loc: U.S.
"That empathy, will never give way to sympathy, but it may help me to forgive him"

Caesar, my abuser was only 14. You said exactly what I feel but couldn't articulate.
"Aren't you lonely" ?
"I'm never lonely, I've got me"

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