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#33166 - 01/04/03 09:07 PM I'm Fucking loosing it
Mark S Offline

Registered: 08/25/02
Posts: 130
Loc: England
Christ these last few weeks have been shit. I had only had one relatioship since I was abused firstly at the time of seventeen and a half then two years later. I'm now thirty two and have just blown another.

It all started with an affair about three years ago. A few months into the affair I told her about my abuse. Over the next couple of years we became even closer, to the point she had promised she would leave her husband. Only for her not too but to leave me hanging. Then about three months ago I got chatting to a lovely girl on the net. Whilst I hadn't yet met her (She lived quite far away) we had made plans to meet soon. Then after going to see a film with a female friend, my ex got in contact to say that she was jealous as her best friend had seen me out with a girl. though she was still married. I told my new friend my ex had contacted as I didn't want to lie to her, since then she has been defensive. Rarely telling me I'm loved and then only if promted. She told me she was scared my ex would contact and I would go off with her.

Over the last couple of days it has all blown up. Feeling unloved, my mind started wandering back to my ex (and how I'm still missing her). Then I find out that this new girl was sending Photo's of herself naked to friends met on Forums.

She has said I could have her back if I were to accept her warts and all. I'm not sure I can or should want her back. I am still in love with my ex and I don't want all and sundrey to have photo's of my new woman naked. I feel very vulnerable and that I don't offer much in a relationship. (as well as the abuse that went on in my life, I am in a wheel chair). I need to be told I'm loved often, something my new woman wouldn't do.

I think a sucessful relationship as both a wheel-chair user and a survivor of SA is starting to look impossible.


#33167 - 01/04/03 10:02 PM Re: I'm Fucking loosing it
Wuamei Offline

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...

If the things you post here are any indication--and they are--then you IMNSHO have a lot to offer to a relationship.

It's just a thot, but maybe you're not looking for enuf to be offered to you in a relationship, my friend. Perhaps you are selling yourself short, and allowing people to short-change you.

At least, I know I for most of my life have done that as a survivor, and I know some others do too.

Mark, we may present some unique problems to people & relationships (doesn't everybody?), but we also present some unique perspectives & blessings & gifts. And I know you do, even right here on this board.

Believe more & better for yourself brother. You can do it, and you are worth it!


"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

#33168 - 01/05/03 12:35 AM Re: I'm Fucking loosing it
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
there's a part of me that want's to say "leave the pair of them the hell alone !!"

But that aint fair, I don't know how you really feel about them. And anyway; it's non of my business to tell you what to do.

Vic's right, you do have so much to offer.
The support you give other guys here and the good posts you write show me that you're a caring person with a lot to give to a relationship.

But SA makes us feel like shit, and we think we are unworthy of being with decent ordinary people - let alone having a relationship with them.
But we're not, we're ordinary decent people as well. Just a bit frayed around the edges.

Don't put yourself down by asking what you did wrong, ask yourself what you did right and if they dont like that, then maybe that's their problem.


Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau


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