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#331459 - 05/21/10 04:54 PM Wh among you still believes in God?
traillius Offline


Registered: 04/21/10
Posts: 261
Despite all that has happened. I believe, although I am a little angry about everything I have experienced negatively. I doubt myself, not God. After all, God is not the perpetrator. Neither am I, but I don't doubt on that account. I doubt due to my imperfections, and those of others. I want to be a better follower of the faith I am attached to. ( roman catholic christian ) Its just that the doubt and pain, and all my responsibilities, both make it hard.


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#331464 - 05/21/10 05:19 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1634
Loc: kansas
traillius,

i still believe... you are correct. we are all imperfect. we are all sinners. we all fall short of the glory of God. for this every single one of us should be spending eternity in hell. however, through Christ's death our sins are washed away. john 3:16 explains it all.

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#331472 - 05/21/10 06:14 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: Obi]
FormerTexan Offline
Administrator

Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 12093
Loc: Denver, CO
The abuse hasn't shaken my faith any. I tend to look to the book of Job for a clear picture.

_________________________
Money talks, but all it tells me is goodbye.

If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#331475 - 05/21/10 07:53 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: FormerTexan]
calv Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/27/10
Posts: 45
Loc: seattle
Abuse has "refined" my faith...

I was told what to believe and not to feel. I grew up in church but always knew in my heart that something was wrong !?! I just didn't know what it was. Everything looked one way on the outside... but what was on the inside was pure hell.
If God was real... than why was church so f**ked up?
I prayed and prayed...
God please show me the truth!!!

He did.
It is not easy...
but I have come to know Him
and he watches over me and gives me peace.

Religious institutions are full of sick people...
It made me sick too...

Church has taken on a new identity for me.
It is a very personal thing for me.
I only share my thoughts about it with those whom I trust.
I don't debate religious issues.
But I do fellowship with the real church...
with my bros and sisters
walking the same path as me.

It is very scary... because i feel like I was brain washed...
now im washing my brain!!!
renewing my mind
understanding what is real and what is not.

God is answering those prayers i prayed as a child,
he is giving me wisdom and understanding...
and it is very humbling.

_________________________
When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when somethings suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful. Barbara Bloom

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#331486 - 05/21/10 09:21 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: calv]
MusicMan Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/23/03
Posts: 146
Loc: Elmira, NY
Hello men,

Thanks for this post traillius. This is the biggest part of my life and my recovery, that is, my relationship with God. I count it as my greatest privilege to be able to know Him and have a personal relationship with Him.

I know that I have wondered why many things had to happen, but whatever happened happened. I'm OK and survived. The damage has been vast for me, but I'm still here and happy to be that way. No matter what, I am blessed.

Beside working on my recovery and the difficulties I experience with that, the only problem that I have with my relationship with God is my inability to figure out mentally, emotionally and spiritually how to forgive my perpetrators. I really, really want to, but I don't know how. I could say that I do, but to know it and feel it is a different story. I'm working on it. That is my goal. Who am I that I should hold on to the anger and the hurt and unforgiveness, when I know that God has forgiven me.

I know that God is good all of the time and that He understands where I am. I absolutely know how you feel. I don't doubt God, I only doubt myself. I agree, too, with you, calv, that the abuse has refined my faith. I have learned that the world is full of imperfection. But, God is perfect and He takes my hand and walks me through it all.

God bless.


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#331488 - 05/21/10 09:29 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: MusicMan]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
I do.

I read the Book of Eli daily (see the movie to understand why I say that). And I try to listen to and follow the voice I'm hearing.

Allen

pufferfish




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#332729 - 06/02/10 03:55 AM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: pufferfish]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 933
Loc: Kc,Mo
when i called out he heard me when i called on him he showed up
when i excepted him he changed me.
the end .

_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

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#332814 - 06/02/10 11:19 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: nltsaved]
Canuck Offline


Registered: 05/26/10
Posts: 57
Loc: CA, United States
I do.
Sometimes I hate Him. But I think He understands. Well, at least I hope He does.


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#335517 - 07/07/10 07:53 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: Canuck]
woundedowl Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/03/10
Posts: 31
Loc: Coastal NC
I Still Believe In God!
In 1968 when I was a 6 year old my mom started to send me to church. She went to the Sunday service with me and that was it. She did not go to the church any other time because she was afraid that she would be ask questions about home life ect...but she sent me to everything there was for a child my age. The only catch was that I had to walk to the end of the block and turn the corner out of sight of my house and continue down the long lonely sidewalk to the big white doors alone. So hard to open, so afraid of getting my hand trapped. I remember how it smelled as I entered, with heart pounding and??? (memories evaporate after this, I still don't know why I cannot remember anything about church????) If my mother ever knew how terrifying all of this was she would have kept me home, but she was a victim too and home was it's own little nightmare. (I can feel this all so vividly as I write) Being little and in the situation I was in was lonely. Just me, mom and he/she? Kind of like climbing up out of hell and walking a demonic gauntlet of terror on the way to church. I don't remember what happened at church. I only remember that picture of Jesus on the wall and somehow, someway He was there and held my hand, every time, on that long walk that was at night and during the day, hot or cold, rain or shine, relentless. I don't remember either end of the trip only the long treks back and forth. I think she really wanted them to see, not realizing.....seeing and helping are two different things. But He walked with me and walks with me. When I was a boy I could sometimes see Him and He would tell me things and I could see angels and oh how they want to help but they cannot cross over without our help. I know it sounds crazy! but I am balling my eyes out, I don't know why, it just happens (and happens, and happens.......) I could not live if He was not holding my hand. The church hates me and rejects me. It does not understand nor care to understand my problems. I am not imagining this, I have been told in so many words more than once. Beware confiding in religious friends, watch the relationship change, like magic. I am not criticizing anyone, it just hurts, that's all. I do not fault them for they are filled with sick people who are mostly in denial about a lot of stuff themselves. Considering what goes on under their own roofs, I am not surprised. No matter! If I am condemned by the masses as a non believer unless I pretend to live another man's life, so be it, for He Still Holds My Hand!! I Still Believe In God!


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#336202 - 07/17/10 06:30 AM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: woundedowl]
Alchemist Offline


Registered: 07/03/10
Posts: 9
Loc: Florida
No. No I don't believe in God anymore. Stopped a long time ago.

I sometimes think if all this would be easier if I still had faith. I always found comfort in things like prayer before I stopped believing. But then I realize I'd rather face a hard truth than believe a beautiful lie.

I'm not trying to rag on anyone's beliefs and if your faith in whatever/whoever has helped you then by all means keep doing what you're doing. Just saying things from my personal perspective is all.

_________________________
"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known."
-Carl Sagan

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#336260 - 07/18/10 02:24 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: Alchemist]
SirVivor Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/08/10
Posts: 24
Loc: CA
Hello Brothers,

I write this to you on a summer's Sunday morning. It's beautiful right now but this whole week hasn't been emotionally, and I've found my self wrestling with the same concerns mentioned here. What it felt like to me was that I loved Jesus but he didn't love me. But then I realized, I was looking at it from the World's institutional perspective. But where is the "Good News" I keep hearing about?

I am a Universalist. I believe we can all learn from each other. How does that old story go? Something like this; "I was complaining to God about this, that, and the other and I asked why He/She would not send some-one to fix it... He/She said, "I did send some one, YOU!"

Some here have said that we are born broken, sinners, and I respect that. I believe that we are all children of God and that Jesus was trying to teach us how to realize that. That's the "Good News" to me.

Bless You All


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#336261 - 07/18/10 03:20 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: pufferfish]
InsideTheWall Offline


Registered: 01/10/09
Posts: 297
Originally Posted By: pufferfish
I do.

I read the Book of Eli daily (see the movie to understand why I say that). And I try to listen to and follow the voice I'm hearing.

Allen

pufferfish

I've seen that movie and liked it. Personally though, I prefer The Wall and listen to it almost every day.


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#336299 - 07/18/10 11:57 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: InsideTheWall]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Thank you,

I've never seen it. I'll put it in my Netflix list.

Allen

pufferfish


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#336305 - 07/19/10 01:10 AM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: pufferfish]
InsideTheWall Offline


Registered: 01/10/09
Posts: 297
Wait! I'm almost regretting saying anything. I was referring to the album, not the movie. You don't want to watch the movie until you're already familiar with the album it came from. The images you'll find in the film, which is more of a feature length rock video than a movie, are very dark. It can be very uplifting if you understand the underlying themes of societal isolation, hope, and the idea that one is never truly alone.

But if you don't understand it will come across to you as depressing at best. The movie is too brutal to serve as a good introduction. Buy the album, don't watch the film.

Sorry for thread jack. It ends now.



Edited by InsideTheWall (07/19/10 01:20 AM)

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#336314 - 07/19/10 03:25 AM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: InsideTheWall]
westsidej Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/04/09
Posts: 157
Loc: Minnesota
Greetings my brothers. How's everyone's summer so far? Sorry that I haven't been online much.

Great posts so far on both the religious/atheist points of view.

Here's where I come down. I was raised by a non-practicing Jewish mother and agnostic father, at best who also had Jewish heritage.

I was circumcised, ate Matzoh crackers, some other Kosher foods but that was about it insofar as my faith was concerned. I went to Catholic church with my friends simply due to peer pressure.

During and after my years of molestation, I started to look for a faith but could never find a Christian religion or denomination that felt right to me and answered my questions about G-d and what happened to me.

Several girlfriends tried to get me to attend their churches and I did but didn't feel right or my faith affirmed by their doctrine or deacons. The trinity never made sense to me and I have always rejected the council of Nicea.

I ended up marrying a Unitarian Universalist but don't agree w/ much of their belief system, save the Judeo-Christian part that they have as part of their faith. The only reason I go to the UU church sometimes is that you can't have children w/ parents of two different faiths or odds are they will end up with no faith at all. Luckily, there's plenty of Jewish thought and wisdom in the UU "religion."

Finally, after soul searching and finally dealing with my CSA by getting into therapy, I have found my way back to Judaism, the religion of my ancestors on both sides of the family.

I've joined a local synagogue's intro to Judaism courses since I have to become a Jew, even though I have grandparent's on both sides who are Jewish. I'm been reading books and downloading podcasts on Judaism & Jewish life.

So, to come full circle and answer the question, my parent's poor job at both protecting me from predators (and even knew about a couple of my abusers) and providing me with spiritual guidance resulted in years of soul searching and finding out what my faith and belief system really it.

The CSA didn't really shake my faith in the almighty since that was already taken care of for the most part by my parents.

Thank G-d, I returned to the religion that suited me the entire time, Judaism.


Take care my brothers and have a fantastic rest of the summer.

Jay


_________________________
My CSA story TRIGGERS!!!!

The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict. Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

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#336520 - 07/22/10 05:13 AM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: westsidej]
CruxFidelis Offline


Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 486
Loc: NJ
I've always believed in God.

I was born into a strict Jewish family, learned the Torah, had my Bar Mitzvah and all that. My wife & I started dating in high school and they weren't so keen on me dating a non-Jewish girl, and in my late adolescence I wasn't such a good Jew... that was OK, because my wife was a lapsed Catholic with no attachment to religion. Eventually, she had a conversion. I saw how prayer made her feel safe. She is a survivor of sexual abuse and before she started praying again, I was the only person who could make her feel safe, but when she had flashbacks and she started asking Jesus to be with her and keep her safe, it gave her a feeling of peace. I saw firsthand how getting back into her Catholic faith helped her heal from the sexual abuse in her life. When she had a PTSD episode and asked me to pray with her, I did. I found myself saying the Rosary even though no one had taught me to say it. I wanted to experience the security she felt. I wanted the peace inside me too. Eventually, I decided to convert to Catholicism. I twasn't the easiest choice... my family was not so happy. But I did it nonetheless.

God is the glue that holds me & my family together, and I don't think any amount of suffering can change that

_________________________
If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.

- Saint John of the Cross

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#336523 - 07/22/10 05:59 AM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: CruxFidelis]
calv Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/27/10
Posts: 45
Loc: seattle
Thats a great story! God works... in mysterious ways.
I was told what to belive and how to feel growing up.
We read the Bible after every meal and prayed b4 and after the meal.
A strict dutch reformed community w a christian school.

I always knew God was real and I did love the Bible stories.
I remember Him as a very young child BUT...
i could not understand how such awful stuff could happen to me...

It has been a long journey with me and God. He can be found in almost any place!
Follow your heart and seek him I think you will find him exact where you need him.
We don't always get along...
And religion confuses me.
Ive gone thru a few "church sects" and met many other "people of faith" Ive come to respect others choices and I don't debate theology. There is just so much I don't know! If it is working for you it is no one eles's bizness...
You may find that your past will help you in the future together, There is just something about connecting with God and if you get that than your in a good place. You never know where the road will lead you.
Family is Family... but your WIFE is your WIFE ! You belong together!?

I like your glue!

_________________________
When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when somethings suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful. Barbara Bloom

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#336535 - 07/22/10 03:41 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: CruxFidelis]
Jim1961 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/10/09
Posts: 1201
Loc: Pa, but likely traveling...
Originally Posted By: CruxFidelis
I've always believed in God.

I was born into a strict Jewish family, learned the Torah, had my Bar Mitzvah and all that. My wife & I started dating in high school and they weren't so keen on me dating a non-Jewish girl, and in my late adolescence I wasn't such a good Jew... that was OK, because my wife was a lapsed Catholic with no attachment to religion. Eventually, she had a conversion. I saw how prayer made her feel safe. She is a survivor of sexual abuse and before she started praying again, I was the only person who could make her feel safe, but when she had flashbacks and she started asking Jesus to be with her and keep her safe, it gave her a feeling of peace. I saw firsthand how getting back into her Catholic faith helped her heal from the sexual abuse in her life. When she had a PTSD episode and asked me to pray with her, I did. I found myself saying the Rosary even though no one had taught me to say it. I wanted to experience the security she felt. I wanted the peace inside me too. Eventually, I decided to convert to Catholicism. I twasn't the easiest choice... my family was not so happy. But I did it nonetheless.

God is the glue that holds me & my family together, and I don't think any amount of suffering can change that


That is an inspiring story. Thanks for sharing!

I was an agnostic/atheist most of my teen/adult life. Then I married a Catholic, and saw (as you did) first hand how her Faith helped carry her through tragedy.

She was diagnosed with breast cancer 8 years ago, and never wavered in her Faith. She is now (thankfully) in remission.

I joined the church in 2003.

smile

Jim

_________________________
Loneliness is a power that we possess to give or take away forever. -Yes, Starship Trooper

My Story

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#336611 - 07/23/10 02:46 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: MusicMan]
captainobvious Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/17/10
Posts: 18
Loc: Oregon
Hi MusicMan,

At the most recent Weekend of Recovery in Canada I let go of a big chunk of my anger towards one of my perpetrators, my Dad, through a human sculpting activity that we did. I learned that I can hate and despise the part of my Dad that abused me and love the part that took me fishing and camping and taught me how to fish, garden, work and to use tools. Through that separation of good and evil came forgiveness.

If you haven't already, or even if you have, I would recommend attending a weekend of recovery. It was a totally awesome time and there will be others there that you can discuss forgiveness with.

_________________________
A little bit of nonsense (or play) now and then is relished by the wisest men!

CaptainObvious

WoR Kempenfelt July 2010, Sequoia March 2011

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#336615 - 07/23/10 03:10 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: Jim1961]
captainobvious Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/17/10
Posts: 18
Loc: Oregon
I still believe in God. What has really helped me is to remember that I John says that God IS love and that John 3:16 says the "God so LOVED the world, that he GAVE his Son..." I realized that God loves me for who I am, not because I earned it or needed to do something, but because he loves all of us unconditionally! It is that unconditional love that I have been looking for all my life.

I was raised fundamentalist in a Baptist church. My dad and mom were my abusers and my Dad was a deacon in the church, so that has given me a real disgust for hyprocrisy!

Shortly before getting married I left fundamentalism and my future bride left it to. For most our married life we have been Lutheran, but that recently hasn't been doing the trick. I didn't feel like I could be authentic at church. I felt like I had to put on a happy face and I wasn't really sure if I would be accepted if people there knew about the abuse.

Recently I have been attending an Orthodox church, which is way different than either Catholicism or Prodestantism. The first time I attended the priest's wife, who knew about my abuse, told me that the church is a hospital. That is something I totally believe. I feel very supported at this church but I am taking things very slow. Just enjoying the services and the lunch they have every Sunday after the service. Orthodoxism aligns much more closely theologically with where I have been headed for a long time, but I don't agree with all of the doctrine.

My faith in God as always been there and has sustained me through many difficult times. I believe that in His love for us God gave us freedom of choice, and sometimes people make horrible choices, like abusing others, but God is not responsible for those choices, the abusers are!

_________________________
A little bit of nonsense (or play) now and then is relished by the wisest men!

CaptainObvious

WoR Kempenfelt July 2010, Sequoia March 2011

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#337703 - 08/05/10 05:11 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: captainobvious]
somerandomguy Offline


Registered: 03/05/10
Posts: 10
Loc: USA
God is a lie invented by people who want to have power over other people. One only has to look at the continuing scandals in the Catholic Church to see this.

I was raised Catholic, and that was absolutely a factor in my eventual abuse situation. As long as little children are taught that they are *personally* murdering Jesus when they do something wrong, the power imbalance will continue. The thought that I was personally contributing to the torture and murder of another person terrorized and paralyzed me when I was a child.

The excuse that "God's church is run by fallible mortals" is simply trash spewed by people willing to minimize the abuse and empower the perpetrators.


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#337774 - 08/06/10 06:25 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: somerandomguy]
Daniel-Peter Offline


Registered: 08/06/10
Posts: 12
um...brother...please take this as kind words meant in a loving explanation.

Sins are not murdering Christ, Christ sacrificed himself to take all our sins...then and now and in the future....upon Himself that we may be forgiven in Him, as He alone is the only possible perfect sacrifice for our sins.

Who ever told you that when you sin you take part in the murder of Christ, was guilty of an old heresey that seperates Christ from the Holy Trinity: God cannot be killed.

As for minimizing by saying "men" did it. Actually, God didn't do it, Christ didn't do it, and I, and millions of other faithful Christians didn't do it...a "man" (perhpas a women, as I don't know the circumstances, nor is it heathly for me to hear it) did it. It was a sinful, fallible man who should be punished, SEVERALLY. But you are correct, where the Church is concerned, the Church is not guiltless. Church's need to step forward, demand hugh penance by the offender, cooperate with the police just as if a murderer had made a confession in a confessional which requires them by lwa to disclose (hmmm...a similar certainly seems appropriate), and look for the flaws and loopholes in theological or seminary training that allowed pedophiles to get in in the first place. The Church's penance should be public acceptance of responsibilty, organizational restructuring to prevent recurrances, and cooperation with the legal system. Absolutely. But by using the word church we must be sure to not confuse the word Church, were Jesus is the Head and we are all incorporate in the body...and "church" as in a heirarchial structured legal corporation with a human being as primate or "supreme" leader, that exists as a entity recognized by various state legislative bodies. It is the latter, the "church" composed solely of contemporary "quick" people that is responsible for addressing those changes and accepting responsibility. So, by pointing a finger at a "man" the true perpetrator is identified, and the "church" can then either do the right thing and address the problem, or, do what we have all come to expect them to do and play sematics, redirect, deny, move the "man", or otherwise obfuscate and deny responsibility and potential litigation (thus, not be truly repentant nor willing to do penance, nor have the will to change their "corporate" life.)

I don't meant to contradict you brother, I merely have a diferent point of view.

Peace be with you.

_________________________
A Church is not a resort for saints; it is a hospital for sinners.

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#337779 - 08/06/10 08:02 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: Daniel-Peter]
Jim1961 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/10/09
Posts: 1201
Loc: Pa, but likely traveling...
Back in December 2004, I was immersed in cybersex sin. Looking at really disturbing images, reading really BAD stories. I did not realize at the time that I was a sex addict (I sure know that now).

One night I was in Houston, TX on business. And (again) looked at very bad stuff on the Internet. The next morning was a day honoring Mary, and I was obliged to go to Mass. I found a local church that had a 6 AM mass, plenty of time after to get to my appointment.

My heart ached terribly due to the sin. I felt worthless and perverted. But I was in the right place for healing.

I prayed that God would heal my heart and give me peace.

When I received the Eucharist, I knelt down in the pew and suddenly this rush of joy came over me. Suddenly the pain was GONE and in its place was JOY. I cried and Thanked God for His Grace.

The journey continues, I have much work to do. But since that experience I KNOW that God is real and that His Spirit resides in me.

Peace.

_________________________
Loneliness is a power that we possess to give or take away forever. -Yes, Starship Trooper

My Story

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#341488 - 10/05/10 09:34 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: Alchemist]
JPaschal Offline


Registered: 10/05/10
Posts: 20
Loc: Seattle, WA
No. I stopped being Christian about 13 years ago, I turned Pagan then. Recently I have discovered that, for me, relgion holds no logic what so ever, and I became an Atheist. For me, if God does exist, he is a hippocrate. A child with a magnifying glass, eyeing the ant hill on a sunny summer day.



Edited by JPaschal (10/06/10 01:08 AM)
_________________________
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return." Moulin Rouge.

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#341491 - 10/05/10 10:18 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: JPaschal]
EvanCan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/09/10
Posts: 170
I believe in God. I think He is pretty fantastic.
I'm not real keen on most organized religions, but I'm way down with God. And I'm way down with Jesus, too, but in a Very Untraditional way.

_________________________
Hope Springs 2010 WoR Alumnus
"I'm here, and I'm on the mend."


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#341556 - 10/06/10 08:31 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: EvanCan]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 811
I respect everyone's right to their own feelings, and hope they respect mine as well. For me I woould not be in recovery today if it were not for my deep faith. I am a clergy CSA survivor and thank God every day for bringing me here. Be well all.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#341625 - 10/07/10 02:01 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: kb8715]
traillius Offline


Registered: 04/21/10
Posts: 261
God helps me heal, but he won't force me or anyone to acknowledge. Come freely or don't come at all, God says. He isn't in to mindless automatons.


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#342367 - 10/18/10 10:17 AM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: Alchemist]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 811
He pulled me from the brink and I thank him everyday for my recovery......

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#346221 - 11/25/10 10:34 AM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: Alchemist]
joe1334_us Offline


Registered: 11/18/10
Posts: 27
Loc: Wyoming
As I have become more and more educated I have also become enlightened. "GOD" may have been the simple mans way of explaining the unknown for many years as it is today while the whole concept of doctrine is MAN MADE and without any foundation in fact. I for one do not choose to put my faith or fate in the hands of any one person as we are all with fault. I have found no entity that is without fault either. So I guess the true meaning of the concept of GOD is certainly not to be defined by either doctrine or by man and any person who says they know gods wishes is a LIAR and the most narcissistic person I can think of. Why do some follow fools and liars? I fr one choose not to, as I have learned that putting my trust in people is certainly going to lead to disappointment or disaster. I can put my trust in myself and find success and happiness, as well as growth. At least with my self I have no one to blame but my self.

So in closing I have chosen at this point to believe in myself and to grow not to change but to just grow after all I am not a Gekko I am a person I cannot change colors but I can be better and help others with the knowledge and experience I have gained.


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#346489 - 11/29/10 05:39 AM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: Alchemist]
Nas Offline


Registered: 11/22/10
Posts: 18
Loc: NJ
I am and have been a strong follower of Christ for sometime now, I have been a worship leader in various Churches for many years. I was abused (incest) from the about the age of 7 to the age of 11. Although I am strongly attracted to women I still had struggles with ssa and this has been a real hard place for me and my relationship with God. I have begged pleaded and cried out to God to help me with this and it just seems to not get any better. I feel like my sass has kept me from having a relationship and often gets me depressed. I have seasons in my life where my relationship with God is a wild roller coaster, I am in that season now and it is a spiritual struggle, so wait.


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#347188 - 12/05/10 10:48 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: Nas]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 732
Loc: United States
The more I see of those who follow gods, the less I believe in any gods at all.

I think that the belief in gods is most likely an adaptation with evolutionary advantages like this, or this, or this. Alternately, it's an attempt by the collective human psyche to create a comforting fictional afterlife to buffer the realization of our certain mortality.

-efm

_________________________

Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

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#347189 - 12/05/10 11:08 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: Nas]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
Nas,

Thank you for sharing this very personal struggle. Don't be too tough on yourself. Reach out to others here for support.

Daryl

_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

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#348063 - 12/14/10 12:57 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: Alchemist]
hurtn4yrs Offline


Registered: 11/29/10
Posts: 10
Loc: USA, NY
I have a condition called sleep apnea, it is severe, at my most recent sleep study, I stopped breathing 62 times in about 5 hours. while dreaming, I see and speak to friends, family, and strangers,who have passed on, for brief moments, the last time this happened, I saw an angel, watching me going back into my body, he smiled at me, and I knodded at him as I passed him. I have seen one friend many times, the last time, he was with some friends, whom I have never met or known, he was leading them into a small house, which I assume, is where he now lives, he picked up his cat, and they were heading into the house, when his friend saw me materializing, and he said," Bob, their's an outside entity out here" to which Bob replied " well leave the outside entity outside, and come in the house" I believe in God, I have NO DOUBTS ABOUT IT! This is only one of many such [visits to the afterlife] dreams.

_________________________
91C35pT10Es21S1s13Ys1V9Or!

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#348675 - 12/21/10 05:38 AM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: prisonerID]
Nas Offline


Registered: 11/22/10
Posts: 18
Loc: NJ
Thanks Daryl, it is really hard for me to reach out but I am learning to trust more


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#419576 - 12/19/12 10:33 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 490
I believe...
_________________________
�We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.� - Plato

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#419591 - 12/20/12 01:44 AM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4199
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
guilty as charged!

Lee
_________________________
How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3

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#419592 - 12/20/12 02:35 AM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
genedebs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/12
Posts: 329
Loc: MO
I believe in God. My father died and then he lived for another 17 years. I felt God's pesence pass through me before he woke up from his brain death. I have trouble with God's Mercy just like Johah, but at least I don't runaway any more.

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#420277 - 12/28/12 05:37 AM . [Re: traillius]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (01/13/13 02:19 AM)

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#420303 - 12/28/12 05:49 PM . [Re: traillius]
ALovingMum Offline


Registered: 02/25/12
Posts: 51
.

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#420315 - 12/28/12 07:46 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
JoziSA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/05/12
Posts: 145
Loc: Johannesburg, South Africa
-efm

I'm still reading your research....very interesting. Will comments after I have read it all.
_________________________
Rees (JoziSA)
My Story and Blog www.kilimalesurvivor.wordpress.com

South African MALE SURVIVORS of Sexual Abuse
www.samsosa.org
If your mind can perceive it and your heart can believe it, YOU can achieve it.

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#420316 - 12/28/12 08:48 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
JoziSA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/05/12
Posts: 145
Loc: Johannesburg, South Africa
- efm

Your last link does not go to the correct page. Please send me the last "and this" link.
_________________________
Rees (JoziSA)
My Story and Blog www.kilimalesurvivor.wordpress.com

South African MALE SURVIVORS of Sexual Abuse
www.samsosa.org
If your mind can perceive it and your heart can believe it, YOU can achieve it.

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#442195 - 07/26/13 03:57 AM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6384
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
i never stopped believing in god.
i did, however, have my arguments, blasphemies, and criticisms.

lately, i have come to the conclusion that since i have never created anything, i should just shut up.
i can't even manage my own life properly, let alone the entire universe.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#462773 - 03/18/14 12:39 AM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
gettingstronger Offline


Registered: 09/24/13
Posts: 317
Loc: Virginia
I do. Absolutely. I've had way too many prayers answered. While I do believe "coincidences" do indeed happen, my own experience would be like winning the lottery several times in a row-- either you're way, way beyond lucky, or you're getting help somewhere.

What I don't believe in is that (a) the world is a just place, and (b) there must not be a God because really bad things happen so often to good people. The things that brought me to this site were NOT a result of God being there or not being there; they were just things that happened. Why? Who knows. They just did. Neither I nor God had anything to do with it.

So to answer your question, yes. I personally believe Jesus has been there for me too many times, and will continue to be there for me in the future. That's my two cents.

Bob

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#462875 - 03/20/14 03:09 AM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
Tedure Offline


Registered: 04/17/09
Posts: 203
Loc: Utah
Thanks for your question. This is how I feel about God.

Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands (Isa 49:16) I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. (Matt 28:20)

The remnants of the dragons storm are always with me like a quiet breeze in my mind. They will never leave they are memories. Because of this an addict is always an addict. The only thing that changes belongs to the word recovery. Its a new word Im learning and I have to learn it again every day

I have complete faith in Christ when he says, I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my spirit shall be in your hearts and mine angels round about you to bear you up. Christ is now before my face straight in front of me. Many times in my life the rocks have been on my right and left but now I have Christ there to help stop me from hitting them. I focus on my vision which is always straight in front before my face, the space between the rocks. As I do this His spirit fills my heart and His angels bear me upso I can make it through another day and live in the reality of now. Knowing that I am a son of the living God and that He loves me totally and completely helps me so much.

I spent much of my life desperate for love and not knowing what words to use or where to find it. All I have ever wanted was to have someone or something fill the hole in my heart and love me. . . I needed calm, control, and a feeling of all is well in my life I needed LOVE.

My wife and Christ have done this.

His Atonement has filled and healed me.
Christ has restored all that was taken from me many years ago in my youth My power, my sexual identity, my self-worth and most importantly my soul
He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness Ps. 23:3

That is how I feel, Thanks for your question, Ted
_________________________
When you change the way you look at things the things you look at change.

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#463159 - 03/25/14 08:49 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: victor-victim]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 933
Loc: Kc,Mo
pure awesomeness !!
_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

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#463181 - 03/26/14 04:09 AM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: nltsaved]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
I do.

Puffer

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#464038 - 04/13/14 05:35 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
On The Fringe Offline


Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
I believe. I also people are free to do as they wish. There are consequences.

A perv decides to groom a kid to be his sex toy, me. There are consequences of that CSA in my life. It messed me up for a bit. But I also believe it comes back to the perp. I may never see or know.

In short, the actions of a small group of evil doing people can often color people's feelings on God.

I am trying to not let the perp steal my ability to believe in God.

I try and remember the good, the wonder of the creation, the ability to love.

Some days I struggle.
_________________________
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

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#464833 - 05/01/14 01:38 AM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
atari_kid86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/24/10
Posts: 142
Loc: Michigan
I don't.

This is not to say I am opposed to or in any way disrespectful or hold malice against those who do. I just don't. However, I consider myself a spiritual agnostic, who happens to be a Unitarian. smile

But I wasn't always this way.

I grew up in the Lutheran church. I lived and breathed it. I attended school there most of my childhood. I was confirmed and participated in the Holy Sacraments. I went to Sunday school, vacation Bible school, and Lutheran summer camp. This was my life. I knew (and still know) much of the Bible inside and out. Heck, my dad even took steps to become a minister (his alcholism probably is why they passed him over). But something changed pretty early on for me.

*trigger warning*

I never quite fit in in school. I was the kid who was perpetually bullied, demeaned, and had no friends (remember this is Lutheran school)... except God. He was there. Then at age 9 when a neighbor boy (my only "friend") raped me, I started to wonder where this all loving God was. Then I figured that this was like the Job story. He was testing me. So even as damaged and broken as I was after that, I kept my faith in Him.

Then the next "friend" raped me.

Job experienced a heap of troubles. I hated myself wanted to die, but was always taught suicide was a sin and the last thing I wanted to do was sin and not have a chance to ask for forgiveness. My faith was erroding as my life took a downward spiral that my 11 year old brain wasn't physically capable of comprehending (my brain now can't either). During this nightmare, the bullying increased, my school work went straight to hell, and my disfunctional family was falling apart (my parents split then). My faith still flickered on, barely.

My troubles were just starting.

When my mom married her husband, who would go on to sexually abuse and rape me on a daily basis for 3 years, that's when I realized, either God is dead or He was never there to begin with.

This was a hard struggle for me. In my mid teens, I endured a grueling crisis of faith. In the end, I concluded that maybe there is or maybe there isn't a God. If there was one, then He wasn't an interventionalist God.

This story has a semi-happy ending.

Despite my problems defining God or lack there of, I still wanted a community like most church going people have. But where does an agnostic like myself go for that? Insert the Unitarian Universalist church. I have been a member for almost a year now and am very happy to have a group of friends and support who are like minded, good hearted, loving people.

I hope I didn't offend anyone. I sincerly apologize if I have. I took my time writing this to be careful to be sensitive to others who do not share my spiritual beliefs.

Thanks for reading.

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#464869 - 05/01/14 07:08 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4199
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
atari kid -

thanks for sharing your story.

we have a lot in common - raised in the church, abused by "friends" and step-father.

the big difference is that i ended at a different conclusion. i still believe in God. it hasn't been easy to maintain that faith - and i can't really explain how or why. but it has been important to me - and one of my main sources of hope that has kept me going.

i did not find your post offensive in the least. thank you for your care and sensitivity in trying not to hurt anyone. that is my goal as well.

i am glad that you have found a place of caring community.

love and peace to you,
LEE
_________________________
How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3

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#468191 - 07/29/14 09:46 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: On The Fringe]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6384
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
Quote:
I am trying to not let the perp steal my ability to believe in God.


you hit the nail on my head.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#469017 - 08/16/14 03:42 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: JoziSA]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 732
Loc: United States
JoziSA,

The original publication has been removed and there is no online copy I can point to. It was called "Survival of the Godliest" by the demographer Phillip Longman. I did find what looks like a partial or complete extract here.

The thesis was that a number of behaviors of religious adherents conferred survival benefits. Specifically, that religious people have more children than non-religious people. The result is more religious people and less non-religious people over time. And the more religious people are, the greater number of children they have, therefore the religious community becomes more fundamentalist over time.

~efm


Edited by Ever-fixed Mark (08/16/14 03:50 PM)
Edit Reason: Link found
_________________________

Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

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#474533 - 01/05/15 08:52 AM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: Ever-fixed Mark]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6384
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada

Originally Posted By: Ever-fixed Mark
religious people have more children than non-religious people. The result is more religious people and less non-religious people over time. And the more religious people are, the greater number of children they have, therefore the religious community becomes more fundamentalist over time.



maybe that is god's plan?

God said unto them, "Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth"
Genesis 1:28

"As for you, be fruitful and multiply; Populate the earth abundantly and multiply in it."
Genesis 9:7
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#505395 - 01/04/17 12:23 AM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
9lifes Offline


Registered: 12/21/16
Posts: 3
Loc: atlanta ga
The peace that entered my soul when I stepped foot on a Catholic Shrine in Birmingham, Alabama. At that life changing perspective I knew he was always by my side, he was alive even before me, walked the earth in the past and still is. That is my prove!! That is why i still cling to him!! Because the peace was so penetrating so indescribable to human words! i pray that this peace always will be with me! I go visit the shrine every time my church goes to visit! it is a peace of heaven i pray all you experience. God bless you! And you are worth a lot to God! God loves you! always remember that


Edited by 9lifes (01/04/17 12:24 AM)

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#505400 - 01/04/17 01:01 AM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: 9lifes]
Ceremony Offline
Greeter

Registered: 09/15/16
Posts: 1917
Loc: Minnesota
Welcome 9Lifes, it's good you've discovered that peace. We can have complex lives.
_________________________
Finding ways to cope with my mind!

https://youtu.be/6nQc1ADbWLA
This is the story of my rape, posted on MS:
http://www.discussion.malesurvivor.org/b...1680#Post501680

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#505414 - 01/04/17 04:50 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
LinEar Offline


Registered: 06/02/15
Posts: 339
Loc: USA
I still believe. It's difficult to reconcile our experience with His plans, but then again, we're not God.
_________________________
Spotlight...get me out of this spotlight.


My silence is my self-defense.

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#505595 - 01/11/17 07:39 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
Tom E. Offline


Registered: 01/08/17
Posts: 406
Loc: FL
I believe in a Higher Power, or God, of my understanding, not the God of any Bible, nor religious dogma.. my God loves and accepts me as I am, warts and all.. this God has been trying to help me & guide me my entire life but I just couldn't see it until recently
- Tom E

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#507079 - 02/26/17 09:42 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
Jer Offline


Registered: 03/26/16
Posts: 28
Loc: Texas
I also believe in an higher power/purpose, but I don't follow the traditional scriptures or teachings.
_________________________
"Many people claim that honesty is the best policy then get offended when you tell them the truth."

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#507153 - 02/28/17 02:50 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
Winterfr3sh Offline


Registered: 01/26/17
Posts: 66
Loc: Missouri
I come from a religious background that was forced on me. It was also fundamentalist, which I find I cannot do anymore.

I am finally learning to embrace a God of my own understanding, rather than the God of someone else's understanding forced on me with the threat of hell. That's a huge step (for me).

I am learning to open up my mind and realize--that there is salvation outside of the fundamentalist view I grew up with. I don't have to believe in that, or listen to them anymore. I'm free.

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#507327 - 03/04/17 08:13 AM . [Re: Winterfr3sh]
oic Offline


Registered: 11/21/15
Posts: 210
.

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#507337 - 03/04/17 02:27 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
George Offline
Member

Registered: 01/29/01
Posts: 350
Loc: NY metro **PM's are welcomed

I think Denial of God the Creator works about as good as the Denial of our abuse worked for us, that denial may help us cope for a little while, but ultimately we have to deal with reality.

It's a lot easier to pretend there is no God, because it's too scary to admit there is a satan & a hell, especially when true evil presents it's self so readily (we here have all been touched by it). It's so easy to be blinded to all the good / Godly blessings, even miracles all around us. For me, just watching a sunrise, seeing a newborn baby or even an animal is enough to know the existence of God. Feeling love, feeling love for my own newborn child was a glimpse into the love our Father God has for us all, and that's an incredible feeling. That's a Love that I couldn't comprehend till I had my own child. That was a huge need that I went unmet from my own childhood due to the circumstances back then.

I've lived life both ways walking away from God and walking with him. I know the difference in my life walking with God has made. I've witnessed the super natural in a church. I've witnessed the lives of the believers who trust in God / Jesus for their salvation who for the most part live peaceful happy lives, I've witnessed some who still struggle with their demons but are better off still being in the fight. Christians to contrary belief are not "perfect", nor profess to be, they are just forgiven. They are like beggars trying to show the other's where the food is. They are not trying to hoard it all for themselves by lying of it's existence. Satan is very good at what he does, his sole aim is to have us use that gift of free will that God gave to us all to turn away from God, it's that simple. He will use anything like our hurts, fears etc to get us to turn away & more importantly our legacy generations too. We all have a target on our back, But our Father God provided a safe space with him. He wants you to commune with him, seek & find his peace. He didn't make us to be robots in thought, he gave us all free will and a choice to make with it.

Has there been evil done in the name of God / religion? Sure (thanks to satan), same as fathers & mothers doing evil things, does fact that make all fathers & mothers evil? In both the past & the present, Judaeo / Christian societies have led to the furthering of all kinds of freedom & elevated standards of living in general. You don't have to look far to see the havoc that Godless societies left in their wake, mass genocides, few freedoms if any, not even a freedom of speech...

A relationship with God / Jesus is not hard to attain or keep, he loves you and wants you around. What's easier to accept, being and feeling loved, protected & treasured for being a child of God, or living blindly unloved & untreasured? For me It sure beats feeling like a beat up marionette with my strings being yanked around by satan.

....Where do you want to see your soul in 100 years?

That's how I see things in relation to God.
_________________________
My Updated (2017) Story, it focuses on the abuse, the aftermath & poor coping mechanisms & breakthrough...Healing ; https://youtu.be/z4JAIE82NpU

https://bristleconeproject.org/men/gino-werner/

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#507341 - 03/04/17 07:38 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
Rurai Offline


Registered: 08/28/15
Posts: 32
Loc: UK
I don’t have any belief in a god.

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#507344 - 03/04/17 08:25 PM . [Re: George]
oic Offline


Registered: 11/21/15
Posts: 210
.

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#507439 - 03/07/17 10:50 AM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
Ferguson Offline


Registered: 01/12/17
Posts: 2
Good to hear such a bold affirmation of the reality of The Maker. Denial < I agree.

Simply put, I wholeheartedly agree with what you said George. However the truth, as I now see it, is that Christianity has distorted the message and only partly represented The Maker. The battle for me was only just beginning when I became a believer 32 years ago at the age of 20. I'm still trying to get the balance right between allowing myself to settle to the status quo to belong and the need to challenge terrible misrepresentations of The Maker and His word that I have been able to see. The two central errors in Christianity centre on thinking The Maker changed His mind about the nation He chose to serve Him and the wisdom He gave us how to live. According to Christianity (99% of it) we have been "freed" from following The Maker's instructions (or we can pick and choose which of His instructions to follow) and that He is no longer going to keep His promises to the nation He chose (which by the way was split into two nations: Judah(Jews) and Israel(who were called "Multitude of Nations" and scattered losing their identity - "not my people"..but who would become His people once again). He has not changed His plan or His mind. These two errors limit how much we can be united and be helpful for others seeking.

The basic notion that The Maker is there, is almost more than some can take because of the abuse of power they have experienced and what I wrote in the above paragraph is often far too much for people to hear while dealing with abuse of various kinds. Patience is key. It has been such a tough and difficult journey for me. I have so wanted to just find someone to tell me what to do.....but The Maker has cared too much for me to let me stay in that place for too long. We are sick and need a Dr - The Great Dr. Sick and Sinful.

Being confident and bold about the good we find does not automatically turn into bullying or persecuting those who don't agree. We need much more room for diversity of perception and patience as "believers". And we need to avoid pressure unity that crushes and persecutes diversity through dumbing down because of a fear of disunity. Let The Maker build the house!

Are we willing to risk being misunderstood as trouble makers as Elijah was? and the opposite problem I also have: Are we willing to "hold fire" daring to open up to risky groups that look like school environment abuse? That is my biggest hurdle to health. I'm trying to believe I'll find a place to belong without having to "bend over" to the alpha males and those who enable them to maintain false herd identity........ How long oh Yah?!

That's some of how I see things (in no way expecting others to see things in the same way)

Bell Well
...and weller

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#507909 - 03/21/17 11:28 AM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
MACH123 Offline


Registered: 08/08/15
Posts: 48
Yes, I do.
_________________________
Even just saying it out loud took a lifetime.

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#507910 - 03/21/17 12:10 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
KMCINVA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3749
Some days I do and others I do not. Today is one of those days I think if there was a God I would not be in such pain, feel loss and hurt. I was up all night, mind racing and feeling raw from the abuse that is 50 years old. I was sad, crying and the body ached. I tried to rationalize live or die. It seemed last night death was the best answer. Why I cannot take the pain and memories any longer. They continue to creep back in. I know doctors have said I am wounded from the abuse and the years of torment-that others inflicted and continue to inflict--if there was a God no one would deny my abuse. And if there was a God this pain would go away, those who viciously lied and denied my abuse would see the truth and I could sleep and think of life--but none of these are happening. Some say in death those that tormented will receive their just do--but I cannot believe such after life truly exists. So if there is a God start protecting children from CSA and help those who struggle with overcoming the CSA and stop the ignorant from triggering and inflicting greater pain. I have not felt his presence for a long time. Am I asking for too much?

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#507921 - 03/21/17 04:10 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
manipulated Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/26/14
Posts: 561
Loc: Great Lakes Wine Country
If there is a God where was He? If He is loving why? If He protects those that have asked Him into their hearts why?

My current realization after decades of placing bibles and testaments, church speaking, teaching sunday school and being in the pew if the building was open and general evangelizing for souls to accept an Omniscient, Omnipotent, loving, protecting, savior is:

1. He was whispering suggestions in the perps ear, or

2. He was a slimy peeper watching, or

3. He gives not a damn about me or any child. Never has. Never will. Never did.
_________________________
.Be who you are and say what you feel
...............Because those who mind don't matter
............And those who matter don't mind.
.......................-- Dr. Seuss

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#507927 - 03/21/17 08:16 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
Ceremony Offline
Greeter

Registered: 09/15/16
Posts: 1917
Loc: Minnesota
There's a political element to this that's gotten to me. I will keep my personal Jesus with me and try not to get my angst out toward the aggressive exclusionist type of believers who are rampant. I'm very antagonized!! I'm tired of the type who have to get all up in someone eye to nag about some sliver or other, and that damn log is jutting out of their own eye!! Front row chest thumpers piss me off!!

If this is too offensive, I'll delete it.
_________________________
Finding ways to cope with my mind!

https://youtu.be/6nQc1ADbWLA
This is the story of my rape, posted on MS:
http://www.discussion.malesurvivor.org/b...1680#Post501680

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#507954 - 03/22/17 03:12 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
manipulated Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/26/14
Posts: 561
Loc: Great Lakes Wine Country
Whole lot less offensive than my post Ceremony and I think the whole thread is asking for opinions not attacking ANY beliefs. At least I hope so. Certainly did not mean to belittle or attack anyone with mine. Just where I am today. Where I have been for a couple of years now.
_________________________
.Be who you are and say what you feel
...............Because those who mind don't matter
............And those who matter don't mind.
.......................-- Dr. Seuss

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#510508 - 05/16/17 07:54 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
Tom E. Offline


Registered: 01/08/17
Posts: 406
Loc: FL
My Higher Power is love, not hell-fire & brimstone fables.

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#510591 - 05/17/17 06:29 PM Re: Who among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
Chris4TheMill Offline


Registered: 05/16/17
Posts: 351
Loc: NY / NJ Area
I fully believe in God and His love for me, despite all the hell I've been through in my 50+ years. I just struggle to trust Him. And I don't understand Him - but then again, shouldn't expect to. But I think the fact that I keep trying to "understand" Him makes my pain worse. I want to just accept that my life has many thorns and can really suck, but that He is nonetheless there to help me get through it, even if I don't always feel that.

I apologize if any of that offends someone, and it was not meant to. The original question was "Who still believes in God?" and I just wanted to answer it from my own perspective.

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#512988 - 07/05/17 06:29 PM Re: Who among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
motmcd Offline


Registered: 08/15/12
Posts: 247
Loc: PA
I believe in God.

I do not believe in His church. Where once was divine is now merely temporal.

I am jaded, perhaps no longer capable of offering an objective opinion on this matter.

Tom
_________________________
I do many things well with mastery over nothing.

https://bristleconeproject.org/men/tom-mcdevitt/

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#512992 - 07/05/17 07:27 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
Tom E. Offline


Registered: 01/08/17
Posts: 406
Loc: FL
I pray to God daily to keep clean & sober & sexually sober. I believe I have been helped in my life by a "Power greater than myself".

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#513019 - 07/06/17 05:10 AM Re: Who among you still believes in God? [Re: Tom E.]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6384
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
Amen! ^^
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#513043 - 07/07/17 01:03 AM Re: Who among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
Winterfr3sh Offline


Registered: 01/26/17
Posts: 66
Loc: Missouri
My belief in God has come a long way. currently I feel Jesus is a source of love, purity and innocence that he gives to me again and again, despite the darkness and flaws inside inside of me, despite my failures and weaknesses. He sees me for who I truly am, and doesn't abandon me but loves me.

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#513045 - 07/07/17 01:26 AM Re: Who among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
Free Radical Offline


Registered: 03/03/17
Posts: 119
I just don't see how you guys can believe in a god.

Not that I think you shouldn't. To me the whole god thing is a lovely concept and I wish I could keep it..maybe I can yet. But it has also been the source of a ton of pain and suffering for me..

Right now I feel like I'm being asked to not be gay by people who claim to know who God is... And I am realizing that I am gay regardless of whether I or they or even God wants me to be...how does one deal with that?

The only way I can believe in a god right now is to believe that I may walk in the direction of love and healing and kindness and care. If that isn't what God is, who wants anything to do with him anyhow?

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#513046 - 07/07/17 02:07 AM Re: Who among you still believes in God? [Re: Free Radical]
Bluedogone Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/03/13
Posts: 1090
Loc: Southern US
Well said, FR

Having been raised in the church in practically the buckle of the Bible Belt, I had the concept of God as exemplified by what my parents and friends believed. Understanding that God is love, it was pretty hard to find that with my father and the church members I had contact with.

If I could lose the contact and connection with all the people from the church that I've seen and know first hand, I could most likely accept God. The church and it's members keep blocking Him from my understanding of who He is.
_________________________
Whether you say, "i can't do this," or say, "I CAN DO THIS" You're Right.

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#513115 - 07/09/17 01:30 PM Re: Who among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
WG Offline


Registered: 09/10/15
Posts: 414
Loc: WA
I do believe in God. He's the merciful Father I didn't know. The Lord Jesus Christ went to the cross for me because he'd rather go through hell for me than go to heaven without me. Through all of what has been done to me and has happened, He was/is there. How do I reconcile all of this, meaning was He there when the csa was happening? Yes. Was He present when the abusers were having their way? Yes. How do I reconcile all of that? Here on earth, I can't. I'm finite. I truly don't understand all of this, but that doesn't negate what I know to be true - He is there. Walks with me, is my life and bought my salvation.
Some who do not believe in the Judeo-Christian concept of God are on their own journey seeking truth. I trust it brings them to the knowledge of the truth.

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#513119 - 07/09/17 02:51 PM Re: Who among you still believes in God? [Re: Free Radical]
Ceremony Offline
Greeter

Registered: 09/15/16
Posts: 1917
Loc: Minnesota
FR, I agree there are innumerable examples of the front row chest beating, supposed Christian, who will nitpick without seeing the log in their own eye. Last Sunday was the first ever sermon I heard discussing inclusion, and it was refreshing. But, only once was the word Gay used, and transgender was supplanted by the Biblical concept of Eunuchs. It was respectful and given by a woman who knew the pain of self harming. She was resonating. I yelled "Right On" numerous times, and sometimes alone. I don't care. Maybe a thousand folks, I don't know. I hobble around with my cane, because of my knee surgery and think of what my life has meant.

Sometimes I leave notes that are encouraged for the church prayers. One time I left a note that I was a survivor and there's barely a word about rape, let alone male survivors of childhood sexual abuse or rape. That was my note to them. The next service a short blurb noted the hardships of people who know a different path of pain and suffering from rape and sexual abuse. I was amazed. I remain anonymous.

I think my particular church is a source of the example that people are supposed to exhibit for Jesus' love while these people are inside the church. But, I don't think most of it goes beyond the moments after leaving the parking lot. I think that's human nature. I know this church attempts to draw people into community and that's awesome, but there's no listing for a Gay Group and I don't expect a group for Sexual Assault Survivors. Which I think is an admonishment of society and our upbringings to fault us for being victims, and gossip, diminish the perpetrator's harm to us, and lesson their punishment in countless cases.

So, I believe their can be a Jesus for everyone, and to label him with adjectives of race and even add what human's project the words Jesus espouses toward exclusion; I know Jesus is all about inclusion. Period!! Lots of evidence to back that up. Also, to live by the Hebrew portion of the Bible, the Old Testament, is to live before Jesus and not live with Jesus actual Progressive life and teachings. Reference material, OK, but not a path for living, that's all in the New Testament.


Adding: I do not refer to God anymore, my path to salvation as it's taught (and that's all I deal with that), is through Jesus, and respecting some version of a triune God inhibits me and I don't talk about it. I find the services that foment a lot of rote congregation ceremonial reading bother the shit out of me and my path to the Good Orderly Direction for my life is through the Progressive life example of Jesus. That's how I can manage to go to church and not SCREAM: FUCK YOU when I get out of the places telling me how bad I am if I don't do this or that or any human made submissiveness to their rules!!


Edited by Ceremony (07/09/17 03:05 PM)

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#513131 - 07/09/17 07:07 PM Re: Who among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
Free Radical Offline


Registered: 03/03/17
Posts: 119
I definitely do not wish to convey that my sexuality is the only reason I have doubts about God.

I grew up in a seriously conservative church, I'm willing to bet that it is more conservative than any that anyone here has ever set foot inside...think a slightly more permissive form of Amish. If you had seen my family walking down the streets when I was a child, you would have turned and looked...and thought we were Amish.

I spent 10 years throwing everything I had into contacting God. I did things that were excruciatingly difficult in the hopes that I would be able to feel his presence. After a long time of that, I discovered mysticism and it seemed to me to be the only truth I had ever met. I attempted to find God through meditation and silence...

I guess where I am today is to say this: If God wants me, he's gonna have to come get me. I came from a position of intellectual arrogance, saying we know ther is a God and we know what is right and wrong. I would be a fool and a child to return to that same arrogance by saying that I know there is NO God and no right and wrong. I remain open to the possibility of God and to his morality. I am done insisting that he be this or that or that others act a certain way because of my belief. All I can say for sure is that there is love and care and kindness. That is where you will find me...and I will be doing my level best to be loving caring and kind as well. Surely there can be nothing wrong in that. And surely, if he is what he's cracked up to be, He will see me there and recognize me and show himself...but I'm not hanging on for that. My meaning is the love and care and kindness...It's better than hate, and it's better than judgement and exclusionistic religion too. As I see it...

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#513135 - 07/09/17 07:52 PM Re: Who among you still believes in God? [Re: Free Radical]
Ceremony Offline
Greeter

Registered: 09/15/16
Posts: 1917
Loc: Minnesota
Reading you FR, I found the feeling inside, that seems I have to work for; a sense of warm and outward emanating flow or positive energy. My nervous system letting me know the words of FR were giving, caring, loving and that feels very good. Thank you dear friend.

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#513186 - 07/11/17 12:28 AM Re: Who among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
dac Offline


Registered: 05/15/17
Posts: 95
Loc: OR
I am very late to this thread, and am reticent to offend anyone, but I suppose my opinion in the matter has as much value as anyone. So, the short answer is no, I do not believe in God, and have not for some time.

It took much "soul" searching, thought and work to get through the feeling that I should believe in god. I was raised Catholic. Very Catholic. After my abuse and its long aftermath I tried to get well again by returning to different forms of Christianity. Those efforts were followed by what I considered to be genuine explorations of just about every other faith out there except for voodoo. In the end, I think there is not much difference between Christianity and voodoo, or between any other religion and voodoo.

The problem with most religions, as I see it, is that they all are based on a belief in God. When you base your beliefs on a thing that is invisible, unseen, unheard, unwitnessed and unknown, you are bound to head for trouble. And our poor world has no shortage of trouble, on which, apparently, no amount of belief in God has any effect. My own opinion is that we would all be better off if people could shake off their beliefs in god and some hoped for afterlife and try to make the actual home we know a better place by becoming better humans.

I do believe that the universe is a sort of wonderful, magical place, full of wonder and beauty and is deep beyond conception. I also believe that it is basically meaningless. Which, as it turns out, is actually a great thing because it gives our lives a great purpose, to create meaning. We must do this, ourselves, and it is not good enough to download a pre-ordained script into our brains to give it meaning.

Everyone has to figure these things out for themselves, and I respect the journeys people take, even if I do not respect the destinations. I can understand why others would want to believe, but I must be true to myself. I will be your friend, your brother, your helper, your guide, but I will never be your coreligionist.

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#513231 - 07/11/17 09:23 PM Re: Who among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
DanielQ432 Offline


Registered: 03/31/17
Posts: 295
Loc: Midwest
Well, I believe there is a force at work that transcends what we know of the laws of physics and chemistry. Call it God if you wish, call it Good, call it Karma, call it Energy, whatever. Is it some "supernatural" thing? I dunno. It could be something beyond our ability to ever understand. Or, like taking Polaroids of never-before-encounted tribal people in Amazonia or Papua New Guinea, they, as "primitives" might consider it to be supernatural, magic, but to us, it's just technology. "God" or this Energy may be something that, some day, we know, measure, quantify, and harness for our own uses - the power of life and death, the power over time and space, the power of creation and destruction.

There can be great beauty in religion, but ... like any human institution, no matter how noble the goals, human imperfection, human ideas, human problems creep in, and religious institutions are fraught with the peril of corruption, as we have seen so many times.

For those reasons, I consider myself a spiritual person, but not a religiously affiliated one. I am culturally a Christian, but had no opportunity growing up to pursue that, and now have too many questions and too much distrust and cynicism to "believe". So, I guess I'll find my spirituality where I always have, bright moonlit nights and foggy meadows at sunrise and the cycles of life and death.

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#513691 - 07/24/17 07:59 AM Re: Who among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
CelloL Offline


Registered: 07/20/17
Posts: 104
Loc: Missouri
There had better be a God. I've been upset with him for a long time. I pleaded for mercy during the worst of abuse and of my panic attacks and phobias and didn't feel like I got it. I used to be legalistic and fearful of a very judgmental God because of the strictness of the family I grew up in. These days I'm less intense but enjoy the music and liturgy of the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod. After I die, I'm going to be really angry if I discover God doesn't exist.

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#513700 - 07/24/17 12:35 PM Re: Who among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
Hoss Offline


Registered: 07/23/17
Posts: 53
To know thyself is to have first person experience.

the key to all healthy relationships is Love.

they who has not known love, has not known god.

loving self and others as self is the golden rule.

the kingdom of heaven, of love, is a state of mind that comes from within us.

Luke 11:52 Woe to you experts in religious law! You have taken away the key to knowledge! You did not go in yourselves, and you hindered those who were going in.”


Edited by Hoss (07/24/17 12:37 PM)
Edit Reason: additional info
_________________________
Ehyeh Asher Ehyeh
Ahea Asher Ahea
Neti, Neti
Tat Tvam Asi
Ahmi Yat Ahmi
Nuk Pu Nuk
All in all
You're not just a drop in the ocean. You're a whole ocean in a drop. - rumi
He who wishes to be greatest must be a friend to all.

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#513705 - 07/24/17 02:02 PM Re: Who among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
MACH123 Offline


Registered: 08/08/15
Posts: 48
This is a problematic issue. There are some real simple ways to put it. Is there an absolute right and wrong? Answer that and I won't have to ask you anymore questions I already know what you'll say. (well maybe a couple more) Do any of you guys have trouble getting help from a therapist because they are all sort of "left leaning lol."

Happily mine is a centrist though I accused her of being a Marxist for a couple years. She has a great story and actually did some time in a convent but, I digress. I guess I'm a centrist as well actually though I identify as Christian. It's a long story. Christian's by the way if you don't know this like nothing better than to fight amongst themselves about the "right way to be right." I almost never have anything to do with them lol.

I think you'll like this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxsNpMpPT3Q
_________________________
Even just saying it out loud took a lifetime.

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#515228 - 09/12/17 11:13 AM Re: Who among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
Mark954 Offline


Registered: 01/21/14
Posts: 51
Greeting all my brothers, i read a lot of the post here ,i'm surprised to not find anything that speak about Islam ,being a Muslim i see a lot of similarity between what we believe ,we can't believe in God without religion since religion by definition mean believing in a higher power, i believe that Allah (God) sent only one religion but sent many messenger Adam , Noah, Moses Jesus and last but not least Mohammad peace be upon them all ,and many other Prophets with the same message though , "tawhid" believing in one only God the creature and therefore submitting your will to him which mean Islam in Arabic ,
Allah says mentions in the Qur'an Jesus no less than 25 times and Moses more than 120 time (not sure).and Allah mention in several verses that both the jew and Christians have added and changed the scripture Torah and the Bible just to name a verse in the Qur'an in surah al baqara ch.2 V 75 "Then woe to those who write the book with their own hands and then say “This is from Allah, to sell it for a little price! Therefore woe to them for what their hands have written and woe to them for what they earn thereby".i encourage my Brothers here to read Quran better to study all religions , because the religion it came in parts ,every one is the extension of the one before it till the last revelation which the answer to all the missing parts that's been added by humans beings with falsification and the truth like Jesus said "Seek the truth and the truth shall free you "
the best resource i can give to help anyone to understand more of this is this link to someone who had studied all religions and he's an expert on the field , there are hundreds of videos of conference and Q& answers sessions https://www.youtube.com/user/Drzakirchannel
sincerly Mark
_________________________
The life you have led doesn't need to be the only life you have.-Anna Quindlen-

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#515229 - 09/12/17 12:09 PM Re: Who among you still believes in God? [Re: traillius]
Ceremony Offline
Greeter

Registered: 09/15/16
Posts: 1917
Loc: Minnesota
I like the response of that Sikh man, in the video all over, which shows his tolerance and love back to a very aggressive bigot. I disdain the concept of religion, but can embrace the ideas of faith. There's too much interpreting going on by religion... by leaders. When the gist of a faith, the base of it, is exposed to the light... given an example of what that is, in public, like that Sikh man, then... it's something worthy of discussion to me.

I see too many all around the world, oppressed by religion. Gay people in particular are targets of the immense bigotry and hatred the is spawn by the illogic of religion, instead of faith.

So... carry on... my take shows I have a faith, mine is good for me. I let each find what they do for them... no faith, faith... each their own.
_________________________
Finding ways to cope with my mind!

https://youtu.be/6nQc1ADbWLA
This is the story of my rape, posted on MS:
http://www.discussion.malesurvivor.org/b...1680#Post501680

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#515310 - 09/14/17 08:24 PM Re: Who among you still believes in God? [Re: Ceremony]
Mark954 Offline


Registered: 01/21/14
Posts: 51
Hi ceremony, it's true that gay sex is prohibited in in Judaism Christianity and Islam , but it is not the gay sex that is specifically oppressed but all intercourse outsides marriages , in the Qur'an and sahih hadith (the saying of the prohete MOhammad pbuh)this issue is addressed in more detailed as well as every other aspect or way on how to live your life ,it's true that Islam is about surrendering your self , but when i think about it the sharia could problems in the worlds that are getting out of control ,and no newer medications or smarter police force are helping in fact it's getting worst, anyways somethings that seems realy hard to accept and might seem illogical , but since it's coming from God our creature and that he him self promised that he's not unjust in the least degree and every soul will die and will be resurrected to him in the day of judgment ,if you doubt that God exist there this video you might want to watch .but it's too long https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RuQMD4yYWg
please feel free to asck me any thing about Islam i'll be happy to to talk to you about
_________________________
The life you have led doesn't need to be the only life you have.-Anna Quindlen-

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