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#330047 - 04/28/10 03:38 AM Showering in a Men's Locker room
Survivinguy Offline

Registered: 01/22/09
Posts: 318
Loc: Colorado
I'm betting that's not a big deal for 90% of the males on the planet but I'm almost 40 and I had never done that before, especially growing up but even thru high school, college and adulthood - I would avoid it any way I could - I'd "forget" a change of clothes, I wouldn't "have time" to and it didn't matter if was hot or freezing outside. There were times I'd even just pull on jeans over my soaking wet swimsuit and walk out with water soaking thru my jeans. Crazy right? I didn't care, I was sure every male on the planet was planning on attacking me or mocking me or something.

Well I put all the fear on the shelf tonight and after a decent 2 mile run on the treadmill I went to the locker room, grabbed a towel and took a shower. I made it back to my locker, dressed and left. No one attacked me, no one mocked me, no one stared at me.

Like I said probably not a big deal for a lot of guys but a first for me smile

Just had to share my little triumph today.

#330049 - 04/28/10 03:42 AM Re: Showering in a Men's Locker room [Re: Survivinguy]
02151964 Offline

Registered: 04/25/10
Posts: 7
Loc: Canada
congrats surviving guy , I have been there always waited untill every one else was done before I would change or shower to this day I will not join a gym for that very reason, again congrats

#330050 - 04/28/10 03:46 AM Re: Showering in a Men's Locker room [Re: Survivinguy]
onlyakid Offline

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1577
Loc: New Jersey
Good for you Surviving Guy. I have the same fear, though I've never had to shower in a locker room before. When I started High School I thought I might have to but it turned out that the shower in the Boys Locker Room was only for the sports teams. One time at Boy Scout camp, I remember that they had a public shower, don't remember much else other than I was scared and didn't want to do it. Don't remember if I did or what happened or even if this was before or after the abuse.

"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"

#330052 - 04/28/10 03:57 AM Re: Showering in a Men's Locker room [Re: onlyakid]
jls Offline

Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
As an adult I don't have issues with undressing in front of other men but as a little kid I did, in front of other boys after gym I mean. Back then it wasn't an abuse thing since that didn't occur until adolescence. Instead I think it related to pure and simple shyness. JS

Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.

#330053 - 04/28/10 03:59 AM Re: Showering in a Men's Locker room [Re: Survivinguy]
usmc97 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/05
Posts: 492
Loc: Colorado
Kind of adding to my weirdness by answering your post here instead of in private, though I've said something about this before. I'm really strange about this subject, kind of the opposite. I can't really shower at home like a normal person. I have to be in the dark with some kind of shorts on, even then there is a good chance I would freak out and wind up huddled up on the floor not knowing how long I've been there. I only feel comfortable in the gym setting or similar especially on base or if I have a friend with me. At home by myself I don't even change clothes with the lights on. I didn't always have such a separation, I was once okay with everything, even though I stay fit I have a lot of body issues now that don't really make sense. My sense of safety really depends on my environment.

Semper Fi

The statistics? 1 in 4, 1 in 6?
...then me the imaginary number

Abuse Part I&II


#330055 - 04/28/10 04:07 AM Re: Showering in a Men's Locker room [Re: Survivinguy]
Charlie24 Offline

Registered: 09/28/08
Posts: 562

I admire you. You just put yourself in an uncomfortable situation and guess what happened, you fucking survived. I need to be more courageous in my life.

I'm so glad you shared this with us. I've always had this problem and tend to prefer to shower in the privacy of my own bathroom in my apartment. But way to go bud.

I remember the awkwardness of it all in middle school/high school, in high school I was able to get out of showering. I remember in middle school the guys would take a towel, myself included, into the shower and just open enough to get some water on our bodies and get the hell out.

Way to be Robert.


#330067 - 04/28/10 05:37 AM Re: Showering in a Men's Locker room [Re: Charlie24]
Trucker51 Offline

Registered: 05/21/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
In junior high school our teacher would make us leave our clothes in our locker, head to the community showers nude, then he would hand us a towel when we were leaving the shower. While I wasn't comfortable with this arrangement either, there were plenty of my classmates that were a lot less comfortable with the policy than I was. I managed to miss 10th grade high school gym class because I had athlete's foot at the time. For years I still wasn't too comfortable with showering in a public locker room either, but by late in my recovery, by my early 40s, it just didn't seem to matter as much as it used to.

A fear of public showering, or having to shower behind several layers of locks and booby traps, or having to shower wearing clothing, are all symptoms of suffering sexual abuse. Glad to hear that you are making some good progress SG, keep up the good work.


"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark

#330070 - 04/28/10 07:30 AM Re: Showering in a Men's Locker room [Re: Trucker51]
FormerTexan Offline

Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 12126
Loc: Denver, CO
Thanks for sharing this Robert. I was one of those kids in school who despised sharing the shower in gym. When I was in 8th grade, I discovered that gym did not have to be one of my electives. Thank God!

Money talks, but all it tells me is goodbye.

If I could meet myself as a boy...

#330089 - 04/28/10 03:10 PM Re: Showering in a Men's Locker room [Re: FormerTexan]
pkincrisi Offline

Registered: 04/09/10
Posts: 96
Loc: Wisconsin
Way to go, Survivinguy!

I could identify with a lot what was said here. I hid in a corner in the locker room by the coach's office. I would wait until the last minute to shower so that there would be fewer guys in the shower with me. I couldn't understand why all the other guys seemed to have no trouble standing around in the open unashamed.

I hadn't thought about this in years but I went to camp soon after the abuse took place. I did not shower once that entire week because I was so fearful. I just couldn't risk it.

To this day, I avoid public showers as much as possible. I guess this is something I will carry with me for the rest of my life. It just helps to know that I don't struggle with this alone.

Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

#330095 - 04/28/10 03:33 PM Re: Showering in a Men's Locker room [Re: pkincrisi]
Survivinguy Offline

Registered: 01/22/09
Posts: 318
Loc: Colorado
Wow - thanks guys - I as much appreciate the affirmation/congratz as I do hearing that I'm not alone with this issue.

02151964, Onlyakid, JS, Charlie24, FormerTexan - thanks guys - I appreciate it - I know it's not monumental but it felt good to accomplish it and it feels great to have this support/affirmation/understanding.

USMC - I appreciate you adding your "weirdness", I know we all have some of that and even when one person's weirdness is totally different than another's we all get to feel a little more normal for not being the only one with some weirdness - I have weirdness about bathrooms but that's for another time.

Trucker - Wow. I think I would have died if my junior high school teacher forced that procedure on me. Nude among my peers and in the company of an adult male at that time of my life/abuse - yikes. In my 30s I considered whether I could take a medication to help me be calm enough to go through a physical.

Anyway - like you say - some progress.

Thanks again guys.


I have to survive and I hope to thrive.

Alumni Dahlonega WoR May 2010
Alumni Sequoia WoR March 2012

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