Today I crossed paths with someone who looked like the man who abused me. I knew it wasn't him since he appeared to be the age my perp was when it happened over 20 years ago but that didn't stop my anxiety from rising. Feelings came flooding back from when I was a kid, an almost primordial fear of seeing him again. Is there anyone else here who've experienced this, not actually crossing paths with their perp but someone who reminds them of him or her I mean?
I had this big time. When my amnesia evaporated about the very serious abuse I got when I was 12, I got a very heavy case of PTSD. There were 3 persons whom I saw fairly regularly who "triggered" the strong PTSD reaction. It was 'There he is!!!!', with all the emotions that went with it. I even came to tears about it (privately). I had a good T who got me out of it. The technique the T used wasn't terribly profound or anything. It only took one or two visits really. He had me consider that everytime I saw the guy I had to ask myself: "Is it really him? Am I really There?" The answer had to be "no". Then the reaction started to decrease rapidly until it was only a shadow.
However, I had other, larger, problems after that amnesia evaporated. I had a DID kind of a thing where I felt I was 12-years-old. I felt I was the boy who had been abused at age 12 and as though that was who I really was. I could even remember after the abuse the thought went through my head that I could never be Buzzy(my childhood name) again. I think the best explanation of that was the suppression of a DID alter until the amnesia evaporated. I have found some similar examples of suppressed alters in my reading about DID.
So, after the amnesia evaporated, I did indeed become Buzzy again. But there I was, a 12-year-old in a grown-up world. I had lots of problems. It's as though the 12-y-o personality was who I really was and I couldn't and wouldn't turn it off. I felt intensely the corruption of the abuse I had received. I had suddenly become a boy again. And the feeling didn't go away easily. It was like the movie BIG, or PETER PAN, or the story Rip Van Winkle.
Then I started visiting a T who was experienced in DID / MPD.
So now I wonder, jls, if you also have some of that kind of DID reaction?