It's been over a year since I last dated a woman.
I no longer feel the need for companionship.
I'm over it.
I can barely remember what loneliness feels likes, anymore.
All I feel now is reassurance, and peace of mind.
Reassurance is knowing
That I can only help myself.
Peace of mind is understanding
That I don't need a woman to be happy.
Or maybe it's just that I'm afraid to make myself that
That the time would have to come
When I would have to tell her
Why I have these strange quarks,
The tendency to withdraw
Into my own world.
She'll misinterpret it as aloofness.
All I'm trying to do is protect
Of my innocence.
Men and boys.
Don't dare pick a flower
Or the sky will fall.
My confidence recedes into a place filled with flowers.
You're not supposed to know this.
My image decomposes in this space
Until I'm stripped down to deadly nightshade
My body will eventually learn
And adapt by converting the poisons
Into their own cures.
And when it does, I might let you in.
But only then.
The doctors doubt my every word.
They say I'll kill myself in the process.
But I know their secrets;
Or at least the secrets of one.
That she broke her oath.
"Do no harm."
Her little secret.
Slivers of midnight
And into the chest cavity
Of a boy, who is now a man,
Of whom I am fairly certain
Is the man who looks back at me
From the mirror.
I find it hard to trust people
When someone who was charged
With the sacred responsibility
Of protecting me,
Stole my childhood,
And replaced it
With a crude vestige.
This world mocks my kind
By constantly trying to remind us
That boys will be boys
Which means they never cry,
Which is simply the nature of things,
Just like how a woman
Is never suppose
To sexually violate a child.
It's the nature of things,
I learnt to believe
That I am unnatural,
Of everyone’s collective expectations.
I am happy being alone.
I derive strength in this silence.
I don't know if I can trust you,
Or any other woman,
But I know I can trust
To not repeat
Of an oath.
If I ever do let you in,
pick the flowers.
Edited by BigV (03/23/10 09:19 PM)