I could not remain monogamous (faithful)-I always had a secret sex life that was an outlet for deep emotional pain, relief, and had roots that went back a LONG way to my CSA.
For me, I see this unhealthy relationship to secret/one-sided/anonymous (i.e. not romantic, serious, or intimate) sex as an addiction that undermines my recovery and my hopes for a nice life.
I joined a twelve-step program for sex addiction because I was unable to leave this type of behavior alone. Now, eight years later, I have a strong marriage and am a good, loving, and present husband and father.
I still have some trouble focusing (ADD?), trusting, etc.-symptoms of my csa and part of the coping skills I developed early on.
You seem to have a handle on some of your story, I encourage you to take a look at your sexual behavior outside of relationships and ask yourself if you need some help there.
I avoided seeking help for over 10 years, and wonder how much better my life would have been if I would have addressed this back then in my 20s, (but that is water under the bridge).
Congrats on finding MS and posting your stuff here-it's been a great place for me the past several months.
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.
�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner