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#325964 - 03/23/10 04:16 AM Re: Conference postings [Re: Trucker51]
pufferfish Offline

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Trucker51
Part Two: Friday afternoon, Saturday, and the flight home.
My MS Conference experience was a powerful experience, where I made many new friends and met many people active in supporting victims of childhood sexual abuse.
Thanks to all of us, this conference was a great success. Are we doing anything special for all of the John Jay student volunteers? They did a superb job and deserve some recognition certainly.
Next time I hope to see all of you guys there, it was really a lot of fun for me being a part of my first MS conference, and I know that a lot of us had a good deal of fun and perhaps learned a little something about recovery and each other attending too.



I deeply appreciate all of your reports on the Conference. Thank you so very much.



#325992 - 03/23/10 04:50 PM Re: Conference postings [Re: pufferfish]
GentleSoul Offline

Registered: 03/05/07
Posts: 244
Loc: San Diego
Hey guys,

I enjoyed the conference so much and it was everything that I expected and more. I have learned so much from the workshops and awesome peeps there and I hope it's not inappropriate if I share with you guys some of the things that opened my eyes. There were so many awesome workshops and I wish I could've attended all of them - well maybe not all. It was also really nice to connect with peeps I've meet throughout other WoRs. There's so much information, and a lot more emotions that I need to process, but I'll try to share what I can recall.

Mike Lew's workshop on Thursday was a mind boggling one. He shared some of his views on masculinity and how patriarchical stereotypes, of how boys are supposed to act and feel, have influenced our coping mechanisms. But most importantly, he shared that the reason why we have a hard time getting in touch with our emotions is because we're taught to only recognize only one emotion at a time. This made so much sense because we are complex organisms and I have to agree that sometimes I feel a gamut of emotions, especially when I act out or beat myself up. From a recovery standpoint, I can apply this concept when I feel triggered and address any and all emotions, as opposed to just tackling the primary one.

There was actually a funny moment when I was a reading off a list of common characteristics that myself and 6 other survivors came up with. I took the initiative to read our list after about 15 minutes and after other group representatives read their list, I started reading mine. I was also the one who wrote the common characteristics on this really big piece of paper and I was reading it off one by one. Finally, I came across the item "Need to be heard" but what I actually wrote was "Need to be hard" and fortunately I caught that typo right before I read it out loud. Uggghhhh! I was like so embarassed n' stuff... blush

The one exercise that just blew me away was a role playing exercise. One of my previous therapists suggested doing it but I was in no way, shape, or form to do it. I probably shouldn't get into specifics but we were given instructions to partner up with another person and take turns asking and answering two questions, while imagining the question was coming from the person who sexually abused us. Mike also suggested refraining from using possesive sentences like "my abuse" or "my abuser". Also, when all of us took turns verbalizing our goals, he requested several survivors to phrase it into a declaration, versus a question. Kinda falls along the line that it's not what you say, but how you say it that will make a message most effective. Anyways, the role playing exercise was a really intense exercise and a lot of members were visibly affected emotionally because verbalizing suppressed feelings is just so cathartic and it caught some guys off guard who were expecting a seminar type workshop where all you did was just listen to a lecture.

There also so many things I want to share like how anger is really a form of suffering from an earlier trauma like embarassment or rejection. If you really analyze why you're angry, you can probably trace the energy back to an experience in childhood. In fact, anger is probably a shroud that masks other emotions and if you can process all of the emotions and recognize that suffering, you can probably change your reaction to other similar stimuli that got you angry in the first place. It was an "Ah-ha!" moment and it just really clicked with me.

I also attended this one workshop on EMI™ (Eye Movement Integration) and it was just awesome!! The specialist asked this one volunteer a series of questions and he pointed out how his responses were initiated by how and where his eyes moved. For example, the specialist asked the guy if he can remember what his house looks like and the guy first looked at a particular direction before answering the question. Depending on the question, the specialist stated that when we're asked about a disturbing memory for example, our eyes look down and to the right. I don't really quite remember because I was dissociating n' stuff. So depending on the question, there's a discernable pattern on how each of us access our memories, based on where and how our eyes move. After the specialist asked a series of questions, he stated that he 'mapped' out the guy's cognitive thingies. There so much more but I'm sure you guys don't wanna hear about it... grin

That's all for now doods. I'll share more when I remember things n' stuff.


Edited by GentleSoul (03/23/10 04:51 PM)
I can finally admit I pretend to say and do nice things so people will think I'm a standout guy.

#326002 - 03/23/10 06:46 PM Re: Conference postings [Re: GentleSoul]
sono Offline

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
Hey thank all of you guys for sharing these experiences from the conference. I am really deeply disappointed that I was busy on the weekend. It's great to hear about it all and what a wonderful experience it clearly was for all who were there.

Jay, your de>
the family
the perp

#326010 - 03/23/10 09:15 PM Re: Conference postings [Re: sono]
Logan Offline

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1368
Loc: NY
Ok, finally found the post that you were talking about.

I have not read anyone's post/reply's yet. Too much Home work still to catch up on, but I will.

In short the whole experience was truly AMAZING!

The Workshops were great and very helpful!

I think what I enjoyed most was the networking aspect of it all: to meet all of those that I have spoke with here for so long and to meet many of the experts in the field, including you Ken. It was all an honor.

The Mike Lew Workshop on thursday was very helpful.

I am still processing it all and think I will be for some time to come.

I have to drive home now and continue to catch up for school.

I am so, so ,so grateful and thankful to have made some of your acquaintances, and can now call you guys true friends-that means so fuckin' much to me, I cannot begin to fully express it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Logan (those of you that I had the honor of meeting, know who I am)

Oh, One thing I want to quickly say and will follow up on further later is that I made a tremendous leap in my recovering and healing in that for the first time ever I was able to internalize the messages that I have wanted to believe, but never emotionally did!

"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

#326026 - 03/24/10 12:57 AM Re: Conference postings [Re: Logan]
WalkingSouth Offline

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16270
Loc: Waldport, Oregon

It was such a pleasure to meet you and to spend even a little time in your company. I so much enjoyed it that you guys in the Pennsylvania support group invited myself and the other two guys out to eat with you Saturday evening. All of us walking down the street together, eating together, talking, laughing, and all that was just so awesome. Thanks!

Originally Posted By: Logan
Oh, One thing I want to quickly say and will follow up on further later is that I made a tremendous leap in my recovering and healing in that for the first time ever I was able to internalize the messages that I have wanted to believe, but never emotionally did!

Honestly, I could tell as the weekend progressed that you were finding yourself able to connect those dots! By the time the weekend was over you just seemed so much more at ease and at home within yourself. It was just so cool to see it happening.

Glad you have such a great support group to be a part of. Keep with it!


"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting 'Holy Shit! What a ride!'" ~Hunter S. Thompson

#326040 - 03/24/10 04:33 AM Re: Conference postings [Re: WalkingSouth]
tartugas Offline

Registered: 02/12/07
Posts: 513
Loc: NYC
My own 2 cents...

An amazing conference. Though I spent more time working to try and help out with stuff around the edges and less time actually attending this time, I still was able to see a few workshops that were very important to me (especially Paul Linden's and Dr. Steven Gold's presentations).

There are two things though that I will carry away from this past weekend that I want to share. First - I have never seen such a hopeful, resilient, and positive wave of healing and hope. It seemed as though almost everyone I saw was surfing on an emotional high, Ken Adams said it more eloquently that I could at the start of this thread, but it's a sense that everyone I spoke to also felt and commented on. Secondly, for me, I honestly felt open and happy and connected in a way that I don't think I ever have before. My normal impulse to push people away was, for once, not in control and I found it joyful to embrace the love and happiness I received from so many others.

Can't wait for the next one... all right, maybe a little down time first.


"I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self...."
Healing D.H. Lawrence

#326052 - 03/24/10 04:04 PM Re: Conference postings [Re: tartugas]
pal_ Offline

Registered: 01/07/04
Posts: 27
It was a very positive experience for me, one i won't soon forget. Thanks to all who made it possible.


Silent company is often more healing than words of advice...

#326076 - 03/24/10 07:15 PM Re: Conference postings [Re: pal_]
GentleSoul Offline

Registered: 03/05/07
Posts: 244
Loc: San Diego
I was finally able to get some down time yesterday and really appreciate the experience of the conference. I went out for lunch and found this quiet parking lot overlooking a canyon, played a little Sarah McLachlan, and allowed my emotions to take over. cry

Yes, I admit it; I cried!!! I lost some major Manpoints, not to mention Coolpoints, yesterday. The whole conference was just emotionally overwhelming and I cried tears of joy, hope, and sadness. I'm so happy for learning so much and excited that I have so many things to share with you all.

A survivor's partner attended one of Ken Singer's workshop and shared one of the most profound statements I've heard throughout the weekend. She shared that the more we trust, the less we need to control. It's no secret we survivors have this love-hate relationship with control. We try to control our environment, people, and particularly our emotions. I'm sure you've all realized that it's utterly futile to control the world; but we can change the way we react to things that affect us.

I also had the pleasure of attending one of Joe Kort's workshops. I actually attended it by mistake and I have to admit he's changed since he played Harold from the movie, "Harold & Maude". However, I have to admit I enjoyed what he had to share and presented some very persuasive concepts about how our sexual abuse has influenced and molded our view of intimacy and how we love other people.

One of the highlights for me was just sitting on a park bench in Central Park and just cherishing that moment in that awesome atmosphere. The sun was shining, people were just chillaxin or exercising, and it was just serene. I visited Times Square but I was just overloaded with all of the lights and facades. It reminded me of Vegas - so much glitter but it lacked substance and depth. More to come doods... I'm just gettin' started.


I can finally admit I pretend to say and do nice things so people will think I'm a standout guy.

#326082 - 03/24/10 08:13 PM Re: Conference postings [Re: GentleSoul]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 732
Loc: United States
Thanks GentleSoul, I had a Sarah McLachlan moment myself a few minutes ago (Hold on, hold on to yourself... This is gonna hurt like hell).

I'm looking forward to the insights and recollections of yourself and any other attendees willing to share.



Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

#326114 - 03/25/10 02:32 AM Re: Conference postings [Re: GentleSoul]
mrrecovery Offline

Registered: 07/23/08
Posts: 80
Originally Posted By: GentleSoul

Yes, I admit it; I cried!!! I lost some major Manpoints, not to mention Coolpoints, yesterday.

I hope you are joking! As i said at the conference, i am not afraid to cry...and i will feel no shame over it...i don't ever want to cause any more self-inflicted shame!

I have a lot to process and will try to journal about the meantime, these are the sessions that i attended:

1) Mike Lew - Victims No Longer, A Recovery Workshop

2) Theo Fleury - Playing with Fire
3) Howard Fradkin - Dare to Dream, Building a Healthier Male Survivor Community One Weekend at a Time
4) David Stewart - Instinctive Writing, Opening the Door to Healing
5) Kenneth Adams - Mother-Son Enmeshment, When Closeness Overwhelms
6) Captain William Carson - Women Who Molest Children, A Study of 18 Convicted Offenders
7)Author reception and book signing
8) Weekends of Recovery Alumni Reunion

9) Robert Oxnam - Cohesive Multiplicity, Living with Dissassociative Identity Disorder
10) Ed Erghott - Using Somatic Experience as Therapy
11) Special Recognition Luncheon
12) Joe Kort - Mommy Nearest, Mother-Son Incest and the Impact on Adult Males
13) Joe Clemente - Profiler Profiled: AN FBI Profiler is Forced to Reveal his Secret Past

14) Robert Weiss - Untangling the Web, Understanding and Healing from Sex and Love Addiction
15) Bruce Frieden - Easy Sex, Good Things to Know about Male Sexual Functioning

Edited by mrrecovery (03/25/10 02:32 AM)
WoR Alumni - Mysthaven Nov 7-9, 2008; Advanced WoR - Alta Sept 11-13, 2009, Mike Lew Victims No Longer Workshop 2010, Malesurvivor International Conference 2010

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