What's left of your post isn't much to go on. Just know that nobody here judges you. We're all in this together. I look at what I've posted on this site, and collectively these guys know more about me than anybody else, I think. I actually know one of the men who comes by here from time to time, and I think, What in the world must he think of me? I mean it's one thing to tell your friend some things, but for him to know everything???? But you know, he says he feels the same way. The fact that all of us have so much in common today because of stuff that happened years ago bonds us together. Sometimes when I post I'll hear a response, sometimes there's nothing left to say, and sometimes we're in so much pain that we cry if we go there. It took me three weeks to respond to one post, not because I didn't want to, but because I had to process the connections in my life first.
Don't be afraid to post, dude. You're OK here. And I'm sorry you had a rotton day. I hope today goes better for you.
"This search for the truth--it's not for the faint of heart."--Goren on 'Law & Order: CI'
"The former things will not be called to mind, nor will they come up into the heart."--Isaiah 65:17