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#321348 - 02/07/10 06:04 PM No
philistine Offline

Registered: 04/27/09
Posts: 212
Loc: Oregon
I have a lot of trouble with the word no.

I can say the word and mean it, but it comes out as tentative. People take the hesitance to say no as an excuse to try to change my mind. If they keep pushing, on the fourth request that I change my mind on something, I will.

How do I get people to take no the first time?

Talking on chat, I figured out (I think) that I associate no with violence.

How do I explain that I was punished for "no".
How do I explain that I thought I was going to die for "no".


"No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself" - Nietzsche

#321361 - 02/07/10 06:50 PM Re: No [Re: philistine]
LandOfShadow Offline

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
I've had the same kind of issue. I've found there are people who accept No the first time and don't push you. And people who don't take No for an answer. I avoid the later. Do you notice this?

I got in trouble as a kid for No too. It makes people pretty threatening.

I'm not sure how you explain it to people. It goes deep. Growing up without any boundaries.

Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you

Paul Eluard

#321368 - 02/07/10 08:20 PM Re: No [Re: philistine]
bey Offline

Registered: 01/28/10
Posts: 447
Loc: canada
no can be a tough one.
for me, i just feel like i control a lot more when i say yes, make people happy, keep people on my side kinda thing. im a pretty hardcore people pleaser, but it worked for a long time, kept me alive and stuff, so that was good.

i know what you are saying. its hard to change. its hard to be ok with not controling peoples reactions. its hard to do something that scares us.
sometimes its hard to do the things you know you should do, or need to do, or want to do.

i've been working on this with my therapist. working on being ok with people being mad at me, stuff like that. disagreeing with people. saying no. the therapy helps, its getting easier.

im sure you figure out what will work best for you. but i know its difficult

thinking of ya


#321385 - 02/08/10 12:01 AM Re: No [Re: bey]
h.beat,h.break Offline

Registered: 06/05/09
Posts: 124
Loc: New York
It's funny because I'm having issues with that word in regards to my family. I told my perp "no" and he forced me into an act I did not want to perform.

Without this word or asking for what we want, we punish ourselves even more and we continue to lose more of what we are trying to recover. Our voices need to be heard and if you have to step on toes with your "no" or by asking for something then so be it.

Hey, if "black sheep" means you're the only non-douche of the family, take that with some pride.

#321400 - 02/08/10 02:59 AM Re: No [Re: h.beat,h.break]
philistine Offline

Registered: 04/27/09
Posts: 212
Loc: Oregon
I've been thinking about this all day.

I haven't used no in a long time. I can make the person think am telling them no, but I'm not.

I'm afraid of a word.


"No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself" - Nietzsche

#321518 - 02/09/10 12:25 PM Re: No [Re: philistine]
Aberrant30 Offline

Registered: 01/29/10
Posts: 139
Loc: I live on the Emerald Coast, F...
For me, i assoicate the word no with doing something bad. So when i tell some one no, i always feel guilty after. Best way to exsplain what i mean. "Hey tom, do you think you can get me a soda from the fridge." "No i'm tired." Translataion in to tom now, "Tom, do you think you can pleas get me a soda." "WHAT..WHAT DID YOU ASKE ME, NO!!" See that's not what happend, but in my min it's how i translated. I din't just say no caues i'm tired, no in my mind i said no caues i'm bad, and i am now i have tomake them bad to so i can feel better. I'm so fucked up lol. But i have found a way to deal with it, Smile and walk away. That's right, I smile to let them know, no hard feelings, and walk away. That way they don't get the chance to convince me. Doesn't work every time but it works some.

"The beginning of eternity
The end of time and space
The beginning of every end,
And the end of every place."
Hint: It's in front of you right now.
(Formerly known as Aberrant30


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