it pains me to see you guys speaking in this manner. as such i feel it pertinent to share a bit of what i had written in my sans logos says journal:
building trusting and comfort-able relationships takes time, and i've noticed that in that development period, especially those of us who come here starving for authentic love and nurture denied us so many years, are easily hurt as the old familiar rejection and abandonment issues are exacerbated when we feel we've been slighted, ignored, or someway or another made to feel invisible and unimportant.
that's the flaw of these cyber communities. we can only get so close. and also, being that each of us are at differing levels of personal social development, different class, so diverse in our backgrounds, failing to spark a connection only serves in the end to reinforce those feelings of abandonment and rejection mentioned earlier. we long to imagine we've achieved some depth of closeness, and in some cases we have, but often those are only fleeting moments that prove themselves false as over time the flame of hope for finding the deep connections we've been denied so any years, begins to fade over the passing of time.
many of us will probably not get our deepest needs met here, but this site can be used to identify those needs, preparing us to go out into the playground of the 3D world and apply those principles to those real situations we encounter in the dream of everyday regular life.
guys, you have power to make and build strong connections. don't just wait for them to come to you. create them! find a bunch of people on here who say things that you find helpful and start up a PM support group where you can exchange ideas of a more personal nature in a more regular fashion. that's one way.
join a healing circle, and get to know individuals more intimately. connect to their struggles; reach out to them, as you would like for them to reach out to you, but lose the expectation to get anything in return. this will help to shift the focus off your own pain and give you some relief, and also help someone in your situation to feel encouraged that someone does care about them, inspiring them to do likewise.
next, until you get to know other survivors in person, you will most likely feel like this is all a dream. so plan to attend the conference. sign up for a retreat. meeting others in the flesh within the aegis of structured healing environment puts a face on recovery.
also, please consider. many of you have only been here for a matter of weeks or months. after having no survivor support for such a long long time, many for the first time, and possessing very few skills at this stage of recovery, it is only natural that all of the old repressed feelings of abandonment and rejection are going to fly to the surface. many people do not hang around after finding this site precisely because those feeling are too strong for them to deal with. having no experience reaching out and asking for help, they remain in isolation, fearing they will be rejected again and again if they risk reaching out. but this is the soft place to fall. take those risks here. risk those rejections, feel your pain and talk about it, and before you know it, something will click and you'll eventually begin to see your life with a glass half-full mentality instead of the other way around.
i'm not trying to preach here, but as one who has met other survivors, participated in a conference, been on and off this site since 2003, i've seen people come and go and come and go. some finding healing, and some running from healing. being here is like opening pandora's box. but remember, this site is meant to be used as one tool in conjunction with other recovery resources such as outside groups and therapy. the best result will happen when over time, because recovery is a process..... a long process. and not that i am holding myself up for how to do it,..... no, far from that, i am just trying to be the voice of reason and hope for guys who perhaps for the first time in their life are coming to terms with all those things that took a lifetime of effort and energy to control and to suppress, and who, finding that not working any longer now find themselves powerless to face on their own volition years of pain and unresolved hurt, bubbling to the surface like a volcano ready to erupt.
don't give up guys; don't foreclose on your issues and leave in confusion and disillusionment. stay strong, like the survivors you have always been, and stick around. work the recovery toolbox, and resolve those issues that are causing you to feel so isolated and alone today. don't give up or in to the temptation to escape the onslaught of painful feelings. carry on and follow thru! no if's, and's or but's!
your recovery pal,