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#317820 - 01/06/10 01:35 PM "That's bull****...."
h.beat,h.break Offline


Registered: 06/05/09
Posts: 124
Loc: New York
That was what my father said to me when I told him that my older brother forced me into fellatio with him when I was just a 7 year old boy.

He doesn't believe that his oldest son could do something like that to his own brother, yet at the same time, he does believe that his youngest son can be gay.

But sexuality isn't the problem here: the fact that I have no support in my family now is what's bothering me. That's bull****.

_________________________
Hey, if "black sheep" means you're the only non-douche of the family, take that with some pride.

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#317825 - 01/06/10 03:05 PM Re: "That's bull****...." [Re: h.beat,h.break]
GentleSoul Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/05/07
Posts: 244
Loc: San Diego
I'm sorry that happened to you Remy. Thanks for sharing that. But kudos for disclosing to your dad about the abuse. That took a lot of 8@||$ dood. You know we'll always support you here bud. Take care and hang in there.

Hugs,
Jay

_________________________
I can finally admit I pretend to say and do nice things so people will think I'm a standout guy.

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#317910 - 01/06/10 10:29 PM Re: "That's bull****...." [Re: GentleSoul]
catfish86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 832
Loc: Ohio
You gotta love parent's reactions to this stuff. When I was 14, my brother abused me and my mother's reaction at the time was, well, you wanted it... I do love my mother, for the vast majority of things she is 110% behind me, but that was raw. I guess it would be a real wonderful position to be in if you look at it from their perspective, remember they often still love the perp as only a mother could...

_________________________
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

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#317911 - 01/06/10 10:48 PM Re: "That's bull****...." [Re: catfish86]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
((((Remy)))))

Safe hugs,

That is a double standard and NOT a supportive statement.

Although it is tough to process and understand as we all need to be understood by our family especially our parents we can grow and overcome this sticky situation.

One day your dad will need you.

And your right it is bull*** to NOT have support from family BUT you have it here.

Dads are very harsh. You are a good man.

Hang in there,
DJ

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#317913 - 01/06/10 11:12 PM Re: "That's bull****...." [Re: DJsport]
cstjude Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/05/08
Posts: 302
Loc: Canada
Ah, there's our old friend,"DENIAL"! I am so sorry Remy, that reaction was cold. Your father's gut reaction was denial. Perhaps you will have another opportunity to bring it to his attention and to heal with your father once he has had a chance to process his reactions. That is your choice. I am sorry your family is not being supportive.

We support you and your decision to take on this subject with your father. That was courageous.

C.

_________________________
C.
Female, Friends & Family Forum Fan

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#317943 - 01/07/10 02:16 AM Re: "That's bull****...." [Re: cstjude]
lars3229 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/04/08
Posts: 800
Loc: Iowa
Remy,

Sorry to hear what happened. Some parents just NEVER get it, my own included. They are so busy looking for that perfect 1950's family, they forget reality and enter their own form of denial.

I swear my mother is still living in that 1950s perfection mentality we all remember from the sitcoms, but reality is another story. She can't see that anything bad could have happened to her son because that would mean she somehow failed... not that that's true, and not that I'm excusing her or your father's behavior, but sometimes it helps to see that parents have their own emotional ride to go through with all this and even though it sucks for us, sometimes it has a way of educating both the survivor and his family. I sincerely hope that is the case for you.

Other times it just sadly points out that those that are toxic in our lives simply cannot be a part of our lives. I wish you all the best in this, and know that your brothers here love you and will support you all we can.

Peace,

KenL

_________________________
You may trod me
in the very dirt
But still,
like dust,
I'll rise.

-Maya Angelou

"I quite often remember to forget these sorts of things."
-Winnie the Pooh, The Tigger Movie

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#318017 - 01/07/10 12:22 PM Re: "That's bull****...." [Re: h.beat,h.break]
nevragan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/23/08
Posts: 907
Loc: NC
Sorry to hear your dad's reaction. My dad too reacted to me with harsh remarks also. He claimed that I must have wanted it and was the reason it happened. He also fought in front of me with mom. They went on and on about how their son must be gay. This was after I was caught acting out when I was 13. Anyway, your not alone. Parents just don't get it sometimes, in my parent's case, they don't get it at all.


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#318019 - 01/07/10 12:41 PM Re: "That's bull****...." [Re: h.beat,h.break]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5796
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
my dad was well aware of my older brother's sexual abuse of 4 of us by my older brother. and he neither said nor did absolutely nothing. wtf?????

_________________________
Ron Schulz, MSPC, NCC


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#318039 - 01/07/10 03:23 PM Re: "That's bull****...." [Re: h.beat,h.break]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/09/09
Posts: 1558
Sorry man. I think its pretty common.
When I was home that first night I trhought I was finally out of hell my brother began assaulting me, we had to share a bed. I screamed and yelled to get my parents up and dad made me get back in bed with him and told me to shut up.

welcome home son.

_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#318535 - 01/11/10 11:16 PM Re: "That's bull****...." [Re: kidneythis]
sugarbaby Offline


Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 382
I have friends who have expressed the same reaction from parents. My husband's parents still do the "don't talk about it and it never happened" response.
I don't know what to say except that you are certainly in a lot of company with that reaction.


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