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#316605 - 12/28/09 04:40 AM hospital
Daniel_forgotten Offline

Registered: 02/07/09
Posts: 479
i didnt want to talk about this but its one of those things that eat you up. . i just feel so fuckin screwed right now .. i can dissociate n pretend its all good..i can do it so well that is a desease in me.. but at the end its not all good at all

i guess this place is about letting out the shit that eats u up n u cant talk about anywhere else. i dont know if it is ok to talk about this. its triggering maybe its not ok i post this idk if so, take it down please

i was having some physical problems months ago... rlly bad triggering shit i didnt dare going to hospital or asking what it was about n i was living with somebody so it was vry hard to hide it n pretend everything was ok. i took many pills one night n i think i overdosed not sure, my gf took me to hosp n they fixed it but they found about the bleeding..down there.. i had a surgery because something had grown n that shit was bleeding n drs thoguht it could b cancer n they found the whole area was a useless mess they took it off but said they still need to cut off a part n re attach it bcause it could develop into a cancer anytime n its too damaged.

they fucking asked me if i had many gay partners. i dont remember what i replied or what .. i cant remember a lot of fuckin stuff.. i dont fuckin want them to know.. i just dont want anyone to know.. i dont want to go on with this i dont want anybody touching me not even fuckin doctors

i can't use anything here n they noticed of course.. blood test n that shit. i'm on rehab too.. it was forced first but then i agreed we need to do something to be better we r just too fucked up

i dont want to think about this becaue it makes me so .. so fuckin mad .. and sad .. what the fuck they did to me? why they had to reach this point..?? i fuckin hate to cry ..and the drugs? my father made me use so he could blackmail me .. he wins when i cant stop thats why i want to stop so bad i wish i could succeed on something just this shit please!!!! i just want to win 1 fucking battle!!

#316608 - 12/28/09 04:52 AM Re: hospital [Re: Daniel_forgotten]
Geeders Offline

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada

Going through what you've been going through is made harder by people who just don't think sometimes. Even if they have "Dr." in front of their names, they can still be morons.

Give them this link. Its about sensitive practice in medicine and dentistry. They obviously need it.
Handbook on Sensitive Practice for Health Care Practitioners

Hang in there,


My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

#316613 - 12/28/09 05:03 AM Re: hospital [Re: Geeders]
Charlie24 Offline

Registered: 09/28/08
Posts: 562
Daniel this is a powerful post.

I'm glad you had the courage to share with your friends here at M/S who do care and listen.

I can't even imagine all the shit your going through right now bud.

I will just keep you in my thoughts and say some prayers for you bud.

I want to give you a safe hug my friend.


Hang in there bud.


#316615 - 12/28/09 05:33 AM Re: hospital [Re: Charlie24]
pufferfish Offline

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA

It is really good to hear from you. But on the other hand I am very sorry you are having so much pain. sick


#316657 - 12/28/09 05:15 PM Re: hospital [Re: pufferfish]
boylikeme Offline

Registered: 08/10/09
Posts: 546
Loc: hell

wow.. daniel.. u mustve been so scared


Everybody’s screaming - I try to make a sound but no one hears me (Untitled - Simple Plan)

#316675 - 12/28/09 08:12 PM Re: hospital [Re: boylikeme]
DJsport Offline

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742

Safe Hugs - ok

I know you dont want to be touched and this hug is to let you know your care about deeply.

I wished I could be there to help you process what they are saying to you.

I believe you are winning the battle. You are here and getting help for yourself. Sometimes others are looking out for us.

I understand your not wanting to tell. Follow the guidelines IN the link Jim gave above.

Thinking of you and hoping for peace which is going to happen.


Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

#316688 - 12/28/09 10:31 PM Re: hospital [Re: Daniel_forgotten]
jls Offline

Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
Daniel, like someone else here said doctors can be morons, at least when it comes to understanding the importance of caring for human emotions with regards to healing. Many of them seem to think that physical trauma is completely unrelated to the emotional response to it. Like you described I've had a couple of negative medical experiences in this way. The latest was seeing a doctor for a case of hemmoroids. I was a bike courier at the time, meaning that I spent alot of time in the saddle so to speak, yet despite that my gf then referred me to him the first thing out of his mouth was "are you gay?", nowithstanding that he knew I was in a straight relationship by way of the referral and that my condition had an obvious association with the work I was doing. The 2nd was following my abuse experience as a teenager. While it was going on my perp disclosed that he was sick and dying, which I, maybe irrationally, assumed was due to AIDS. This was back in the 80's so there wasn't enough knowledge of the disease as there is now. Anyways it took me years to be tested as a result of the fear of having it, even though I came back as negative. It sounds stupid not to be tested for fear of having it but like I said this was back in the 80's when the disease was still a death sentence. Thinking about it now it was alot fear for a teenager to be living with, especially since there was no one I could talk to about it at the time. Anyways enough about me. My thoughts are with you as you face this challenge. Please remember that you are not alone in this OK? At least here you aren't. Take care for now, JS

Edited by jls (12/28/09 10:33 PM)
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.

#316693 - 12/29/09 12:06 AM Re: hospital [Re: jls]
zb420 Offline

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 251
dude, u posted here public bout what happened n thats huge. HUGE.
n we're all here for u. get better n were goin to the island

Edited by zb420 (12/29/09 12:08 AM)

#316727 - 12/29/09 04:13 AM Re: hospital [Re: zb420]
philistine Offline

Registered: 04/27/09
Posts: 212
Loc: Oregon

I will be thinking of you.

If you can deal with the "medical practitioners" this may be a really good thing


"No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself" - Nietzsche

#316734 - 12/29/09 05:26 AM Re: hospital [Re: philistine]
catfish86 Offline

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 833
Loc: Ohio
That experience is the most frustrating and scary. When I was entering the military in the 80s, they check every crack and crevice literally. They found "suspicious scarring" from abuse that I now know was from 10 years before but could not recall at the time. I had to answer a psychiatrist's dumb questions like, "do you like other boys". For one thing, I was 18 and not a boy. It scared me shitless because I did have sexual fantasies about sex with guys and I knew that they wouldn't take me if I admitted it. I wondered how they knew because despite the fantasies, I was frustratingly a virgin to my knowledge. Those moments suck. But you need to have things done for your health. Another thing, remember you have a right to privacy, meaning your girlfriend gets told what YOU DECIDE she needs to know and nothing more. You should tell your doctors what occurred. If your doctors don't have accurate information, it limits their effectiveness.

God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

#316747 - 12/29/09 06:31 AM Re: hospital [Re: catfish86]
Freedom49 Offline

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 2724
Loc: Washington State
Like others have said, Doctors can be morons. The can have great skill in the medical field but no personal skills at all.

That said, you are in a dangerous situation. Others have put you there and that is not fair and it breaks my heart. Still you need to have this phisical issue taken care of. If you don't The Bad Guys win again. You can survive this. You can get through this with help. Get your GF and a few others to give you support and attention during this time and let them treat this before it turns into something untreatable. You are worth it. You deserve to overcome this too. You will be ok.

Sending good thoughts your way.

#316796 - 12/29/09 05:04 PM Re: hospital [Re: Freedom49]
Dewey2k Offline

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069

How incredibly brave you have been to post this here. And I know that your bravery doesn't end there. You'll get through this. I know that, and I want you to know that I -- we -- know that.

Keep yourself first. Get the help you need even if it's hard to ask for, because you deserve it. We know that too.

Get yourself physically healthy, and work on the mentally healthy part along the way.

Safe hugs (((((((((((Daniel)))))))))))


#316896 - 12/30/09 05:40 AM Re: hospital [Re: Dewey2k]
Daniel_forgotten Offline

Registered: 02/07/09
Posts: 479
thanks so much to u all. bad time right now. cant say much just ...thanks

#316950 - 12/30/09 05:39 PM Re: hospital [Re: Daniel_forgotten]
sono Offline

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
Hey Daniel,

One word to know you're still out there is like a thousand from others!

You're in our hearts and minds!


the family
the perp

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