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#304912 - 10/02/09 01:36 AM Re: Those Fantasies of our Minds [Re: Bewlayb1]
takingflight Offline

Registered: 09/23/09
Posts: 32
I tried for a long time to staunch my fantasies. It just made it worse.

Instead I found a misdirection type of trick that works a lot better: start thinking about and working towards some worthwhile goal IRL. Do not fight those fantasies when they come up, let them run their course and then get back to work.

If you are having problems maintaining or building relationships and maintaining self esteem, it is easier to fall down into the fantasy. So get into your faith, meditation, physical work outs - or whatever grounds you and reminds you that you are a good person to stay grounded.

In a few weeks you'll have a different shape to your thoughts and probably a more optimistic outlook on life.

Hope that helps,

#304957 - 10/02/09 01:57 PM Re: Those Fantasies of our Minds [Re: takingflight]
AndyS87 Offline

Registered: 12/12/08
Posts: 310
Loc: sorry, but I don't say on the ...
yeah, it's funny. Often I find if an unpleasant or intrusive thought, or "fantasy" (though I wish they'd go away) pops up in my head, it gets a lot worse if I sit there and try to make it go away.

Conversely, if I "accept" it, I find myself bored and completely un-interested with it, and it goes away on its own. I gotta agree with you on re-shaping the thought process though, a lot of times that's the only way to break out of a loop of negativity.

#304960 - 10/02/09 02:55 PM Re: Those Fantasies of our Minds [Re: AndyS87]
Freedom49 Offline

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 2724
Loc: Washington State
I believe it is a normal thing for fantasies or sexual thoughts to pop unbidden into my mind. They are like birds landing on my head. I can't help that, it happens but I can keep them from building a nest or makeing themselves at home. It is not what happens to you, it is how you deal with it. Learning to deal with such is a part of healthy recovery I think,

#304969 - 10/02/09 04:25 PM Re: Those Fantasies of our Minds [Re: Freedom49]
sono Offline

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
As soon as I read the now famous Ken Singer piece on certain obsessions, I was amazed at how easily I've been able to go, "oh it's THAT thing" and much like Andy as a thought it just withers. I haven't really thought too much about that yet, just accepted it as a good thing, but I guess I should try to analyze it a bit more...along a few other million things! lol


the family
the perp

#304991 - 10/02/09 08:57 PM Re: Those Fantasies of our Minds [Re: sono]
DJsport Offline

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
I allow my sexual fantasies to flourish in my mind. They die out when I let them flourish. As long as I am in a good place and with safe people I will act on the sexual fantasies.

I never act them out with others without full consent when in person.

I have roleplayed to help get in contact with my feelings with the fantasies I have had. This helped greatly.


Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

#305702 - 10/09/09 04:00 AM Re: Those Fantasies of our Minds [Re: justplainme]
Logan Offline

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1368
Loc: NY
Hi guys I really wish I had something inspiring to contribute, but I don't right now. Most of what i could contribute has already been said, and probably better than I ever could, by the way.

I have been getting a lot of help from just reading this post however, and for some reason wanted to chime in an say my appreciation for the subject.

Thank you

wait, I think I know why I am posting this (aha)! It because of what Kathryn said. I want to be included in the complement as of "one of sensitive Guys." blush

sorry guys

"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

#313048 - 12/05/09 04:24 PM Re: Those Fantasies of our Minds [Re: Bewlayb1]
westsidej Offline

Registered: 12/04/09
Posts: 157
Loc: Minnesota
Great post Charlie,

I know exactly what you mean. My fantasies since the repeated molestation have ranged from straight to bi to gay and even having another guy join me and my wife for sex while I watch them.

Sometimes, they are so powerful that I can't push them away long enough to have sex with my wife or maintain an erection while having heterosexual intercourse.

It's tough and I am getting help for it but I wish that I could correct it myself.

Just hang in there and try the best you can to keep your fantasies just that.

My CSA story TRIGGERS!!!!

The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict. Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

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