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#31289 - 03/22/05 12:58 AM i understand why people turn dark (side)Triggers
markgreyblue Offline

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
hey - today was really hard -
it maybe change my view of things - but not
to a horrible thing -

i cry a lot today - and i see myself - i have been an old man for a very long time - i saw it in the way i cried - i sounded like this old man i saw on tv - whispy breathy -

someone has said they loved me today and it touched me so
i cried - no one has said that to me in a long time -

i cried -
and then i realized so much of the past
comes in
and invades the good times -

when i start to feel ok - they invade -
execute and yell
destruction to him !

it was the scapegoat's life -

it hurts - but now i see -

how people turn dark - but to accept it is the wrong choice - it exists in us - it may be the part of us trying to survive the anguis and pain
and turn it into something that we 'get something' out of it - some kind of blindness

but now i realize that memories that come up

that perhaps my own creative mind predicting what would happen if this world were theirs - thank god it's not - thank god mostly good people in life - who can control the impulse to hurt others
and keep life - a good safe place - for life -
for good -

in the process of opening up to my own mind -
a sadistic copy now of my own predators - through their behavior my mind trained now to hurt me -
my own family - i see i am not them - even though the fuel could be turned outward - often turns in - now i see how it could become a weird source - GRATEFULLY - i was meant for other stuff-

and now although it is hard to accept the dark in others - i do see it in me - and I see that in and of itself is growth to the better of 'shining a light on what happens on a daily basis' to me

thanks for some grace i cannot know why it has
lead me here to you all -

and i am happy -

peace men -


" not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous

#31290 - 03/22/05 05:06 AM Re: i understand why people turn dark (side)Triggers
Bobby Offline

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
Peace, Mark. Bobby

I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.


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