Hi I am 51 years old and went through a sexual manipulation/abuse (although I can't seem to define it as abuse myself) by a married couple when I was 22 that continues to haunt and inhibit me to this day. I was seduced by the wife who managed the restaurant I started working at. She said she wanted me to have sex with her while her husband watched (as she caressed my crouch). What I didn't know was that the husband planned to participate. He asked me "how was my future wife going to feel about the sexual encounter" in a brief discussion (his wife made me ask him about the proposed sexual encounter) before his wife took me upstairs to the rev me up.

She got me aroused with her and I alone in the bath tub upstairs, she then brought me to the basement where her husband was waiting naked under the sheets. I figured he was one of the guys and not interested in me sexually as that was how he portrayed himself to me or else I was just too naive. Any way these encounters occurred 4 times over a 1-2 week peeriod. THe first time he did not try anything with me but made comments afterwards like "you have a nice body after she said the same thing to me. He also suggested that I spend the night sleeping there which I said no to. He then said isn't it great that friends can express their friendship sexually. The second time (the next day)I was making love to his wife and she was on top of me and my penis slipped out of her (or did she make it happen on purpose)
He was to the back and to the side of us and grabbed my penis to reinsert me into his wife. I did not see him there and immediately shoved his hand way. I managed to end the sickness after a couple of more time without further male to male contact (he also wanted to bring porno movies to the encounters but I said no). When I questioned why he would do this he avoided his responsibility and said he was stoned or "think of the physical proximity"

Anyway there is more, but I have wanted to punch him out for 30 years and the only thing I did was write him a letter a year later saying that God would never forgive him and to keep his hands off of me. I also called him looking to him (of all people) for some resolution to my torment but he evaded me again and just said I should have know "something like that was going to happen" I then said "I don't talk to people like you and hang up the phone
I feel that stole my manhood and innocence and he has power over me and my life. I think about the incident and him (more than her)almost constantly. HAven't I defended myself enough?

Sometime I feel like contacting him today to reclaim my freedom through some kind of statement like "I should have punched you out back then but now you are just a pathetic old man, so I will spare you. I often feel he has something over me and that my response was not not strong enough.

Any thoughts or comment would be helpful. I am seeing a good therapist but can't seem to work though this issue so here I am talking on the MS forum. Sometimes I wish I could at least just call him gay (he won't admit it and his wife denied it)and move on with my life as males are so often sexually victimized by other men. I don't want to feel so different anymore from everyone else.

I want to live as a free man.

Any words of support would be awesome and I hope to be able to return the favor someday