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#309766 - 11/09/09 10:44 AM Hello
tolico Offline

Registered: 11/07/09
Posts: 3
Hi, I am a 34 year old husband and father that was sexually abused by an uncle at the age of 7 to about 9 or 10. I have dealt with this forever it feels. I feel that I have been stripped of everything fro my childhood to the person I may have been. I no what my sexuality is but the abuse plays tricks on me all the time and I have men on my mind constantly it feels like a drug that I am addicted to. I just want the thoughts to stop. I have started haveing anxiety attacks and it is very hard to explain to my wife what is going on because I believe she thinks I may leave her because I want to be gay or Bi. I have told her no that is not true but I know in the back of her mind she is still very worried. How do I stop this madness? Help me!!

#309769 - 11/09/09 12:16 PM Re: Hello [Re: tolico]
Sans Logos Offline

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5796
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
hi tolico,

your story sounds not surprisingly similar to so many of the married and single men who arrive at the portal of this organization. confused sexual identity is one of the hallmark tragedies of sexual abuse. i hope your wife can register here or at least read what other friends and family are going thru with their partners and loved ones. you have so much internal stress over this, and also a lot of anxiety coming from outside yourself, in your relationship to your wife. lots of bad vibes attacking you from all sides.

just try to relax ok? these realizations you are verbalizing will not overwhelm you and destroy you. they will lead you to greater power, mastery and confidence over your life in many ways, as you begin to yield to the process of recovery.

there are so many good resources here to help you gain in understanding. also 3 books that saved my life are:

  • victims no longer , by mike lew
  • abused boys, by mic hunter
  • male victims of same sex abuse: addressing their sexual response by john preble and a. nicholas groth.

visit our library as there are excellent resources there for gaining in understanding on this very important subject.

and finally, you can visit the website of joe kort, m.s.w. straight guise, for free, and avail yourself of the marvelous articles he has written for men of all gender persuasions and sexual identities. joe speaks to allay the fear and shame that many men encounter as they begin to understand the collateral damage of sexual abuse.

tolico, please try to understand that you are not the only one dealing with this, and that you you don't have to go thru this on your own. you are not alone.

all the best,


Ron Schulz, MSPC, NCC

#309790 - 11/09/09 04:13 PM Re: Hello [Re: Sans Logos]
sono Offline

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
Welcome Tolico,

The pain you've been suffering is palpable in your statement. Congratulations on making that very brave testament to the effects the abuse you have suffered have had on you.

I'll second Ron's words and advice...start reading. If you join and become a member you will have the "search" function avalable to you to look for specific topis of concern to you. In the meantime read through the sexusl identiy forum and you'll find much that will resonate with you I imagine.

Welcome again.


the family
the perp

#309805 - 11/09/09 09:20 PM Re: Hello [Re: Sans Logos]
tolico Offline

Registered: 11/07/09
Posts: 3
Thank you for the information and support! I am very excited to be on this site I think it will help me a lot. I will let my wife know sbout the info on this site!

#309840 - 11/10/09 03:20 AM Re: Hello [Re: tolico]
Jim1961 Offline

Registered: 03/10/09
Posts: 1201
Loc: Pa, but likely traveling...
Nice to meet you in chat yesterday! I'm married with children too. Lots of confusion over the last 35 years, but the fog is clearing!


Loneliness is a power that we possess to give or take away forever. -Yes, Starship Trooper

My Story


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