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#30767 - 10/14/06 01:07 PM Request for advice
VN Offline

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 723
Well, I have speak of this few times in the chat room last two or three days, and it is suggested I post of it here, to receive more advice of how to deal of this.

It is been suggested to me, that there is possible opportunity to do charity event in Russia, to which I will choose what charity I wish to earn money for, and I can earn it more the longer I 'last' in the event. Of course, I would choose this organization as the charity I wish to work for. But, you are to be identified very much with the charity you work for, and must be able to tell much of it and explain it to people, to give 'advertising' to the charity.

There are some concerns. First, it is not even certain this event will happen, it is still 'in the process'. The charity winnings, however much it is, it would be rubles instead of dollars, so of course, not to be so much. And even if I am accepted to do it, and it do happen, I then would have to convince who I work for that it would be good idea and good 'advertising' for him also, as it would require me to be in Russia for some weeks, at least.

But also, there is concern of what people will say about or to me if I am involve in such a thing for this charity. There is some less understanding of such issues in Russia then in U.S. (although, my time in U.S., there is been much of lady teachers and sex abuse of boy students, and it seem half of people think it should be seen the boy should feel 'lucky'). I have speak out of this situation once before, public, with some not very pleasant effects after. ( this post ) I do not know I am emotionaly 'ok' enough right now to be able to have people I know not speak to me no more, or to call me names. And I feel shamed and stupid, as that is not something that should stop someone from doing something good for other people. This site, it is been good help to me, and I should help it back.

Someone in chat ask me if I have enough money, I can support myself if I do this some weeks and not earn money. That is not issue, I save most the money I earn because it like annoy me to spend it. So I could afford it, not working for a month or even little more time then that.

I just, I am not sure what I can or want to do of this. And I was afraid some to post of it, because then if I choose not to, I do not wish to be disappointment or cowerd to people. So I ask here for advice from others, what they would do, or what they feel is best of this.

Thank you, all, to help.


#30768 - 10/14/06 01:43 PM Re: Request for advice
reality2k4 Offline

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6845
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...

firstly, keep your mind safe.
If you have had bad experiences then do not let yourself fall back.

It is great that you want to help in this way, but you need to feel safe and confident to go forward.

You know when the time is right,


Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

#30769 - 10/14/06 03:59 PM Re: Request for advice
Paul1959 Offline

Registered: 05/17/06
Posts: 525
Loc: NYC
It is wonderful that you wish to do this for MS. But do not do it if you are not totally comfortable with it. You will be asked a lot of questions. You did not have such a good response when you last spoke out on this. I think you should take care of yourself right now. In a few years, when you are able, do something like this. Right now, you need to look after yourself.

#30770 - 10/14/06 04:55 PM Re: Request for advice
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA

I think it's wonderful, not to mention typical of you, that you even thought of this idea. But in all honesty I hope you will not do this.

As others have suggested above, if a survivor is going to reach out to the public he has to be in a position of strength himself. This kind of activity consumes a LOT of emotional energy that we usually need for our own recovery. There is also the very real risk that the survivor will get a negative reaction from some people, and from what you have told me in the past this is a big problem in Russia. So my very real fear, Visha, is that doing this would harm you considerably.

I know you have gained a lot from being here at MS, and it's natural you would want to help the organization in some way. But the first way to help is to get strong yourself and move towards recovery. We all have to be our own first priority. There will be plenty of opportunities to help later on, and the guys who will be able to help the most will be those who have made the best possible progress in their own healing.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

#30771 - 10/14/06 05:08 PM Re: Request for advice
markgreyblue Offline

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA

If I may say - You are not a coward at all
but are bravely confronting this honest
question that most of us in your position would have.

There are two options here maybe - more.

If your experience has been bad with this -
and yes - it is sad to say -
whether right or wrong -
'the mass culture and mind' is still not very
supportive - of abusiveness - prevention -

I would say - perhaps - support another charity for now - publicly -

and support this one privately -

I do not know if there is a United Way Charity of Russia -

or if you can donate to the US United Way

or International United Way -

Maybe this non profit (
receives funding from the United Way -?

But perhaps talk to the administration here -

The United Way - I don't know much about - but they tend to support - family counciling - and family strengthening - child care and support networks - Also - help for the aging and things like that ...

You may be able to support causes like this -
through the "United Way"

IT's a VERY prestigious and established charity -

The United Way is like a main
Charity Foundation - that distributes to others... fyi! \:\)

You do not need to sacrifice yourself -

You did a brave thing last time -

- anyway - do what is right for you -

and safest -

- maybe you can ask the United Way that your funds go to places like this? They are willing to work with you - I have heard - as it is your money you are giving.

- Good Luck

" not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous

#30772 - 10/15/06 12:27 AM Re: Request for advice
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1677
Loc: Moscow, Russia
Hi Vitaliy,

I think that this idea will move you in a positive way. Maybe you won't be successful at first, but as you gain knowledge, you will feel more confident.

I just want to say that you do what you think is good for you and for others. A charity might be a positive experience.

Good luck.


When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
You will see He can comfort you like nothing else!

#30773 - 10/16/06 02:21 AM Re: Request for advice
kuurt Offline

Registered: 12/23/05
Posts: 168
Loc: louisiana
i think everyone has given some good advise...but i personally think that larry's advise and mark's advise are the ones i stand behind (and it's just a personal opinion). Larry is right when he says that having to talk about MS and stuff related to it might be too much to deal with right now, especially since you have been having an especially hard time the last few months. i don't want you to get hurt even more than you already have...
also, mark might be on to something when he says that you could choose a charity like the united way, that helps families and children who are in trouble. i think he might be right when he says that the united way might give some of the money to MS specifically, if you ask them to. my mom used to work for the united way, a long time ago, and she counseled only abused and neglected kids...which is a really good thing.
i just don't want you to get hurt, friend, and i know that because you are such a giving and selfless person, you will put yourself out there to benefit MS even if it is a negative thing for yourself. please, take care of yourself first. that is what EVERYONE at MS wants you to do.

"if it keeps on rainin' the levee's gonna break.
and if the levee breaks, i'll have no place to stay"
-led zeppelin

#30774 - 10/16/06 04:43 AM Re: Request for advice
WalkingSouth Offline

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16270
Loc: Waldport, Oregon

You are such a giving man. I've been moved on a number of occasions by this trait in your personality.

When we strip away all the layers of this question you ask, we're left with only one. Will it be good for you to do this right now. If there is any question in your mind about your ability to handle the stress such an event would put upon you, I'd say don't do it.

Like someone else said in a post above, you'll know when the time is right. If that is now, then great. All of us will stand behind you to cheer you on. If that time is later, or not at all, we'll still be there cheering you on because you have our love and respect.

Lots of love,


"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting 'Holy Shit! What a ride!'" ~Hunter S. Thompson

#30775 - 10/16/06 09:40 AM Re: Request for advice
Nathan LaChine Offline

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5411
Loc: Washington State

There are no easy answers to this one bro. I can say I would do waht ever I can for MS and if give a chance to raise money like you are for MS, I would have to think about it. Would I do it to raise money for MS????? I don't know bro. It is your life and if you want to do this know that you would help other men in need. The trade off is that alot of people will not understand what this site is about.

If your looking for me to answer the question I would say it is up to you bro. I know that my love and support will be with you no matter what you decide bro.

lots of love always, Nathan


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