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#307524 - 10/22/09 12:46 AM Re: A disturbing conversation [Re: Mike1968]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16270
Loc: Waldport, Oregon
Thanks Guys! In retrospect it probably wouldn't have mattered what it was that I said or how I said it because it wouldn't change her mind either way so I guess my response, if nothing else, was cathartic for me. That's got to count for something, right?

DJ, I really considered continuing the conversation in the very line of thought you suggest. She knows her son is in jail for internet porn. What she doesn't know is that the porn he was involved in was molesting his own son and sharing the pictures with his perp buddies online. My sentence would have gone something like this:

"You see that picture of (insert grandson's name) over there on the wall? (Insert son's name) is in jail for sexually abusing him and posting the pictures of it on the world wide web. Now, do you really think (insert grandson's name) was asking for it and that it's his fault that his father did that to him?"

I didn't. As good as it may have been for her on some level to have that bit of knowledge, it would have been a huge boundary violation of the boy's privacy because she would not have known how to handle that info and most certainly would have made a fuckup of it where the boy was concerned. For that reason I held my peace, satisfying myself with my ever-so-brief outburst as it was.

Anyhow, thanks guys. I still wish I'd had the intellectual acuity in the heat of the moment to have a conversation with her that explained the truths of sexual abuse in addition to the reaction I had, but it took me so completely by surprise that it just couldn't have happened. Like I said tho, I'm good with it the way it turned out and at least she knows how I feel. No doubt about it!!!!

_________________________
"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting 'Holy Shit! What a ride!'" ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#307526 - 10/22/09 12:55 AM Re: A disturbing conversation [Re: Mike1968]
Riley Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/11/09
Posts: 599
Loc: USA
Very impressive response.

A while back I talked about a coworker who admitted he was molested by a female babysitter when he was 9. I just couldn't get myself to tell him about my past. Right now I am reading a book about Sheldon Kennedy, an NHL player who was abused by a junior coach. I have been working with him alone for a few days now. Yesterday, I brought up the book, perhaps give me an opening to discuss my past with him. Well he couldn't understand why a hockey player didn't just beat the crap out of his abuser years ago. I didn't respond with anything, I didn't "enlighten" him, and I didn't voice my opinion.

My point is, we have ALOT of work to spread CSA knowledge, even to people who should really know.


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#307529 - 10/22/09 01:02 AM Re: A disturbing conversation [Re: Mike1968]
1islandboy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 906
Loc: washington
John,

My ex drove a wedge between my parents and I, because the abuse started at the house I was raised in. Exactly who gave her the power to assign blame to anyone when she wasn't even there...???

It's the same thinking or lack thereof...


Your Wake Up Call (Lita Ford)

island



Edited by 1islandboy (10/22/09 01:14 AM)
Edit Reason: different angle
_________________________
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

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#307738 - 10/23/09 06:12 PM Re: A disturbing conversation [Re: WalkingSouth]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Originally Posted By: walkingsouth

Anyhow, thanks guys. I still wish I'd had the intellectual acuity in the heat of the moment to have a conversation with her that explained the truths of sexual abuse in addition to the reaction I had, but it took me so completely by surprise that it just couldn't have happened. Like I said tho, I'm good with it the way it turned out and at least she knows how I feel. No doubt about it!!!!


Hi, John.

Your conversation was with your mother in law so undoubtly a "very tough" conversation.

Intellectual acuity or not - I think your comment about it "That's the biggest bunch of bullshit I've ever heard" is awesome.

BRAVO - SIR.

DJ

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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