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#30472 - 11/04/03 11:41 PM New here
Whicker Offline

Registered: 11/01/03
Posts: 117
Loc: Pastures of Oregon
I just wanted to say 'Hello', and that I am relieved to FINALLY find a site dedicated to male rape.
I've been trying to use my online time wisely, and it seems that there just aren't many places that have a male perspective on this horrible topic.
My Life has been turned upside-down and inside-out since the memories first started resurfacing 2 years ago this month.
In the meantime, I've lost my job/career of the past 16 years, and am forced to rely upon General Assistance to support my Family.
In spite of what folks say about how I did the right thing (confronting the memories, going to the hospital when I needed help, etc.), it seems that I'm always trying to climb uphill; I loose two steps for every one I take.
Being new here, I'm still reading through the Posts, trying to get a handle on stuff.
Is there a chat room option, or a place elsewhere on the 'Net where people from 'here' meet?

Anyways, I'm happy to be here, still striving to survive what's happened and is still happening.



Esse Quam Videri
(To be, rather than to seem)

#30473 - 11/04/03 11:48 PM Re: New here
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills

I'm glad you found this place. There are a lot of wonderful guys here that are all over the map as to where they are in their recovery processes. They've got a lot to share and learn from each other.

There is a chat room on the main page. I haven't used it much as I'm not that literate on the computer chat room procedures but it's there.

Take good care of yourself and I just want to tell you that from my experiences things do get better it's just not easy.


I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

#30474 - 11/04/03 11:57 PM Re: New here
crisispoint Offline

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Hey, Whicker,

I'm glad you found us! Yessir, it is unusual to find a male perspective on being a victim of rape or sexual abuse (female perspectives we have, plenty of 'em, and justifiably so), but it's important that you have sought us out. 've said it before and I realize it's true: sometimes it's the simple act of reaching out, regardless of the result, that is the most important thing.

I am going through the exact same thing you are. My memories of sexual abuse/rape started coming back months ago, and it is painful. But you are doing all the right things. There are times when it doesn't seem to be worth it, all the pain and aggrevation. It is though, and I think you know it, too. Why else would you be here?

I guess what you need to hear, what I needed to hear, is that everything you described is perfectly normal. Some of us handle recovery differently, but the emotions and issues are all the same. It's important to talk, though, and be heard. Do you have a therapist yet? If not, you should consider getting one. A therapist can be the most important tool for you to work through this. At least it was for me.

Don't be afraid to reach out to any of the brothers here who you feel safe communicating with. We are all here for each other. And that goes for me too. There is a chat room on this site. If you haven't found it yet, it's listed on the main homepage. Hard to say when people will be there or not, but there's usually someone around at night. They're a great bunch of guys to talk with.

I hope you hang around for a long time. I've a feeling you have a lot to say, and I'd like to hear it.

Peace and love, my new brother. No strings.

Scot \:D

There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

#30475 - 11/05/03 02:57 AM Re: New here
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Whicker - Welcome!! Glad you found us and posted! The reason that brought us here hurts but this is the place we can turn things around! Everyone here has come through some pretty horrible times!!

As for the Chat Room...there is a place on the Public Board that's titled, "Chat Room Questions" and that may help you. Like others, I'm not very computer literate. Many guys go there and find a great deal of I read.

Note, if you need particular assistance, Private Messages (PM)can be sent to individuals by using the icons over this message (see them at the top?). Look around the site and reach out!!


If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

#30476 - 11/05/03 03:03 AM Re: New here
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Whicker, just qabove the link you click to get to the discussion board there is a link to the Chat room. You need to register for the Chat room as thought you are not registered here at all. They are two distinct programs.

If you have trouble, the guys who use the Chat room regularly will help you out.


If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

#30477 - 11/05/03 03:43 AM Re: New here
learning2remember Offline

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 401
Loc: Europe
I'm glad you're here, Whicker.

I'm pretty new myself. Isn't this site something else?

I can't make the chat room very often, but bonded very quickly with those I met there. It was so amazing to talk to folks who knew exactly what I was talking about.

I also felt like I may have helped them a little, and that was a feeling I did not know I needed until it arrived.

So, for the record, you're being here and sharing what you have is affirming me. Welcome and Thanks.

"This is not my shame, this is their shame." Mona Eltahawy

#30478 - 11/05/03 04:20 PM Re: New here
Joey G. Offline

Registered: 10/22/03
Posts: 28
Loc: FL
Hi Whicker. Welcome. \:\)

#30479 - 11/05/03 09:14 PM Re: New here
Thomas Offline

Registered: 07/31/03
Posts: 109
Loc: boise

Welcome! Just as the other guys have said, glad you found us. This is very safe place to say what has to be said. I have just started having memories come back six months ago, but already I feel almost safe enough here to talk about them. Stick around; there's a special kind of comraderie and healing here.


To know what you prefer instead of humbly saying Amen to what the world tells you you ought to prefer, is to have kept your soul alive. - Robert Louis Stevenson

#30480 - 11/05/03 09:31 PM Re: New here
Whicker Offline

Registered: 11/01/03
Posts: 117
Loc: Pastures of Oregon
Thank you, all, for the friendly greeting.

I think I've found my second 'Home'.



Esse Quam Videri
(To be, rather than to seem)

#30481 - 11/06/03 12:20 AM Re: New here
martin Offline

Registered: 06/08/03
Posts: 229
Loc: The Good Earth
Hello Whicker,

Its nice to meet you. Glad you have joined us but sorry that you had reason to seek us out.

I'll be the echo of everyone else in saying that there are a lot of great guys here. There are also a lot of resources both from what the members offer and from MS itself.

Hope you find it comfortable and safe!

Take good care,


Its times like these we learn to live again,
Its times like these we give & give again,
Its times like these we learn to love again,
Its times like these time & time again.
-The Foo Fighters

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