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#30437 - 08/21/05 08:43 PM Sexual anger (MAY TRIGGER!)
crisispoint Offline

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Does anyone else struggle with violent sexual feelings?

I sometimes use violent language when discussing sex. As if I see it as a violent act.

Maybe this is in part due to my experiences, but there isn't a week that I don't think of sex in a violent or humiliating way.

If you do have these feelings, how do you cope?

I'm posting in public because I'd really appreciate any feedback. This really bothers me sometimes.

Peace, love, and thanks.


There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

#30438 - 08/21/05 08:58 PM Re: Sexual anger (MAY TRIGGER!)
Ivanhoe Offline

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Well, Scott, knowing something of the abuse that happened to you, I can certainly see why you have these flashbacks.
You were humiliated, it was violent.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I sympathize with you for having those memories.
I'm hoping that you still have good therapy where you can talk about what happened to you. The guy who did those things to you was certainly not thinking of your feelings. He hurt you really badly. I remember what you've told us about him.
I know that those things must haunt you, and, of course it would come out when you think and talk of sex.
One day, my friend, you will be free of that stuff...oh, sure the memory, but not the emotional reaction that you have now from time to time.
I'm holding you close this morning, Scot, and praying for an end to your nightmare of what was done to you.

Peace, my friend,


"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

#30439 - 08/22/05 03:01 AM Re: Sexual anger (MAY TRIGGER!)
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
when I was acting-out and spending days creating fantasies about the ( possible ) acting-out that I hoped would take place I often used fantasies that used a great deal of very course sexual language, and images of rough, domineering sex - with me being dominated.

None of that works for me any more, although some of the gay sex acts still work as a fantasy to a degree.

The submissive fantasies were all tied into the loss of my self esteem and the feeling that the only sex I was capable of was to be someones sex object, and remember, I'm married and at that time I was having a fairly decent sex life with my wife that had no element of submission to it.

Like the abuse that happened to us I think that these fantasies are more to do with the emotional and cognitive feeling WE experience than the actual sex.
The abuse was by very dominant people and we were submissive, so we associate that structure of the power relationship with the sex acts.
And that's the best way to imprint something into someones mind.

It's little wonder we associate the pleasures of sex with humiliation.


Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

#30440 - 08/22/05 02:27 PM Re: Sexual anger (MAY TRIGGER!)
Leosha Offline

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here

I don't have the same issue as you. I have the problems of sexual panick and 'shut down'. Intimacy still fills me with fear and panick. It has gotten much better in the last year or such, but still is a cause of great emotion to me. Not the anger that you speak of though.


Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963


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