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#304305 - 09/26/09 06:41 PM Just Thinking
kerberosesti Offline

Registered: 09/05/09
Posts: 20
Loc: MN
Hey Guys:

I've been reading here for a few weeks. Watching new introductions, reading histories, checking how many are using this website and making a few posts. It strikes me how many guys are in this situation. I know the statistics but still finding so many poeple talking about their situations is overwhelming. It especially pisses me off to know how many others won't take this seriously. I work in a position where I am a mandated reporter. Still others take the idea of prevention as something they don't have to deal with. I realize that I am going to be sensitive about this but I suspect if I find someone messing with a kid I might try to kill him. Knowing my own pain and feeling what others are going through just makes me want to be able to do something more.
So much of what others here say is part of my life too. Fear of getting close to people. I terribly resent and react when anyone touches me, like a hand on the shoulder. It is hard to share real feelings about a lot of this. Espiodes of depression have complicated my life. There have been times I have felt compelled to do porn and then repulsed by the whole thing.
This summer has been crappy. I never felt like doing any of the things I usually enjoy. Issues at work have been complicated by depression and anxiety. There are days I have wanted to get into my truck and head north and just keep driving.

In the past weeks I have gotten a change of medications. Things seem to be running better. It will take a bit to adjust to the side effects of the new meds but over all I think things are looking up. This web site also is a plus. Being able to see these other stories and being able to write down what I am actually feeling brings a sense of relief. Thanks to all who participate.

#304316 - 09/26/09 07:38 PM Re: Just Thinking [Re: kerberosesti]
Casmir213 Offline

Registered: 05/14/09
Posts: 851
Loc: Northeast, USA

I've been a part of this community since May, and pretty much have been on this site everyday since then. I have been overwhelmed at times too because of the amount of time I've spent here over the past months. Still, it's difficult to pull my self away from this site. I think being here at MS has changed how I see the world and the people in it. Sometimes I look around and think what a cruel world we live in that so many of us get treated so badly. It makes me think that all humans are bad and can't be trusted. I realize that this is a result of being immersed in the concentration of abuse related information and communication that comes with being at MS. This kind of intense and prolonged exposure does have its impact on me.

One of the ways in which it is helpful is that it makes it clear to me the very real negative effects that abuse has on people. And when I realize this I also realize that I am one of those people who has been negatively affected by abuse. It helps to break done the denial that has come to characterize my whole life. Once I can step back and gain a larger perspective of life, after I've broken done the denial of course, I will perhaps see life no longer from a victims point of view, but from a survivors point of view. If I am still in denial I am still being victimized by my past. It takes a lot to break down denial, especially in a society that does not want to see sexual abuse for what it really is and for how frequently it occurs. Me, being a member of that society, have internalized its rules of conduct to a certain extent. Being here fights against those rules. So, if I have to be overwhelmed in order for me to break through societies rules and denial then perhaps it's a good thing. I don't quite know.


I see recovery as a lifelong journey rather than a final destination, a journey, though, which can have many successes along the way.

WoR Alumnus - Hope Springs, OH, October 2009

My avatar is the farmhouse at the Hope Spring, OH WoR. It's a nice place.

#304322 - 09/26/09 08:03 PM Re: Just Thinking [Re: kerberosesti]
Geeders Offline

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Originally Posted By: kerberosesti
I work in a position where I am a mandated reporter.

This is the second time this week that I have seen this term used, but I am not quite sure what it means. Does is mean that if a person in your position suspects a child is being abused that you must report it? Or perhaps if you know a child is being abused you must report it?

I am asking because where I live, all adults are mandated to report, regardless of occupation, whenever they suspect any child of being abused.

Thanks in advance.


My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

#304346 - 09/26/09 11:47 PM Re: Just Thinking [Re: Geeders]
kerberosesti Offline

Registered: 09/05/09
Posts: 20
Loc: MN

The situation for me means that if I have reason to think that a child or vulnerable adult is being abused I am obligated to notify law inforcement. I do not have to know with certainty. For example, if a client in conversation tells me of an older person who is tied in their chair all day by their family, I need to pass that on even though I have no way to verify if it is true.

#304513 - 09/28/09 03:56 PM Re: Just Thinking [Re: kerberosesti]
J.R. Offline

Registered: 11/13/07
Posts: 312
Loc: United States

I feel your pain. I know it must be hard going day in and day out sometimes feeling lost, sometimes angry or afraid, and if you suspect something is going on with child and/or adult, it can be even harder because as Survivors, we are very sensitive when we see or hear about another being abused. Hang in there, stay here on MaleSurvivor, and together we will journey into recovery taking small steps for our health and wellbeing knowing there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it's not a train.

We all care for you here, hang in there-it gets better.


Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved. -Helen Keller


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