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#30325 - 08/21/05 09:19 AM Winning and surviving.
john kay Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/23/04
Posts: 4
Loc: daejon south korea
i haven't logged on for a while, but i do value the work done here and the space and time to get stuff off my chest. I have some good news i think you might be interested in.
First, I and my sister were sexaully abused by our maternal uncle. I might be repeating myelf but february last, when i was home i told my mom and dad the terrible truth. they have reacted in all the right ways. They have expressed sadness, anger and guilt. They have supported us everyway they can. And that includes going and making a statement with the police.
I went to the police and made a statement too.
The case goes to trial on 26 septmber. I will have the opportunity to say " THAT'S THE MAN" and he will have nothing to hide behind. There will be no more secrets weighing down on me.
I went to the police in february 2004, and the case is only now coming to trial, so it's been a long wait, but this process, that I set in motion, has helped me. It has empowered me. I recommend it to everyone. It is far from perfect and is lacking biblical 'eye for an eye' blood letting but it is part of the process of healing. And it does ruin the perpetrator's life.
My last piece of good news is that on 8 May this year i got married to my lovely girlfriend kyong Lan in Daejon, South Korea. My parents coming all the way from the U.K for the ceremony.

john kay

#30326 - 08/22/05 02:40 AM Re: Winning and surviving.
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
I guess there's a certain amount of satisfaction in taking your abuser to court that can't be found by just punching his lights out, sadly neither option is open to me.

Congratulations on your marriage as well, I hope you have many happy years ahead of you.


Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

#30327 - 08/22/05 02:23 PM Re: Winning and surviving.
Leosha Offline

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here

many great things to be congratulated on! Thank you so much for sharing your successes with us. I wish you continued positive times, and happy future with your new wife! \:\)


Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

#30328 - 08/23/05 02:14 AM Re: Winning and surviving.
RICK57 Offline

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
John - well done. I am currently going through the same process of taking my perp to court in the UK. Yes it takes some time, but as you mentioned it is empowering, even if it is daunting at times.

Hope your marriage is a very long and happy one!

Best wishes...Rik

*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

#30329 - 08/24/05 11:42 AM Re: Winning and surviving.
Grunty1967b Offline

Registered: 07/28/05
Posts: 861
Loc: Australia

I'm happy that you're happy about the impending court case, and at the closure progress you look forward to as a result.

I'd like to just encourage you to eat your weeties for breakfast that morning of the case. Meaning: take a deep breath and get ready for a flood of emotions that will no doubt follow. Not news to you I'm sure, but hang in there anyway.

To others reading these posts, I'd like to add that not all situations can (or should be) persued in the courts. My situation, like many others doesn't have a court case at its conclusion as myself and my perp were under legal age. For others it may be a deceased perp or any other reason. My point being that a court case should not be seen as being the only way for progress or resolution.

John, I know that's not you are saying and I'm sure not what you were implying either. I just wanted to throw that thought in to others reading this post.

Congrats also on your impending marriage and the beginning of a wonderful life together with your future wife.

Well done John - I'm happy for you and celebrate with you.


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