it's pretty typical for those of us dealing with the double whammy of csa/sa AND the gay blessing to feel this way.
from talking with friends about this, i've found, in some cases, depending on one's family, or local cultural influences, since we're already made to feel pretty worthless because of our non-traditional orientation, it's hard to keep our own self-esteem level high, especially where do not find ourselves supported by a network of people who have our best emotional and psychological interests at heart.
i have found the most important way to counter these negative thoughts and feelings is to stay well connected to a supportive community, people who will listen when i need to talk about anything.
do you have a therapist? it's really difficult to work out these issues on your own. maybe that's something to consider?
at any rate, please just know, that you are not unique in this regard, and if you explore, you'll find lots of threads here talking about how survivors pretty much across the board share this characteristic, no matter what their background.
all the best,
Ron Schulz, MSPC, NCC