There's only so much that "sorry" can do.
"Sorry" does not mean jack shit unless it is followed up by committed action to repair the damage & refrain from doing it again in the future. Before I got into recovery from alcoholism, I used to say "sorry" all the damned time - I *thought* I meant it when I said it, but then I'd just go to the same shit all over again. Eventually, my apologies meant nothing to anyone.
And I do think placing the evil where it belongs
Because of my SA, I have for most of my life thought *I* was evil, and that has caused huge amounts of damage. When I truly placed it where it belonged was when I started recovering from SA. I am NOT an "evil abomination", I am a SURVIVOR of evil perpetrated by someone else.
pushing the blame onto those who tried very hard to destroy us
My perp didn't try to destroy me, but I guess I'm lucky - so many of your stories prove to me that MANY perps were DELIBERATE in their attempts to destroy. Regardless, the OUTCOME was indeed destruction, and THEY are to blame.
where everything was my fault, my looks, my actions--I consider our anger and "demonization" of the true perps very "healing".
To me, the whole issue is about the TRUTH of what happened. It is a LIE that I did anything to invite, deserve or promote the SA and it is the TRUTH that he is to blame and that I have been permanently harmed by what he so casually did.
Righteous anger is INDEED healing.
We don't have to be nice to the bad guys.
I am a man, filled with the pure spiritual power of Manhood, in defense of the helpless little boy I was 37 years ago. As such, I am ANGRY and believe that such anger is a spiritual gift.
The Innocence I had 37 years ago was also a spiritual gift, but casually corrupted. If I can use my Anger to regain some measure of my Innocence, then I will do so with no remorse.