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#301132 - 09/01/09 05:23 AM I'm not lovable
Marinan Offline

Registered: 07/03/07
Posts: 330
Guys, I have told this to a lot of people here. As a result of being raped by many guys, I, despite being a guy, am obsessed with giving blow jobs. I think that blow jobs are the only thing I'm smart enough to do in this world and according to my therapist, I'm wrong. That's the only way I can figure out that I'm wrong, is by how other people talk about me. Actually, you know, I really have a lot of sexual problems.

Anyway yeah. . . I'm dirty. I'm dirty.

#301140 - 09/01/09 06:49 AM Re: I'm not lovable [Re: Marinan]
Freedom49 Offline

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 2724
Loc: Washington State
It is not the end of the world. It is possible to feel clean again guy. It is not easy. It will require some therapy and a few changes in lifestyle and attitude but you do not have to go through life feeling that way.

The bad thing about it Marinan, is that feeling that way you will allow yourself to continue doing what makes you feel that way. It is a vicious cycle. Break the cycle. Start practicing things that you can be proud of and you will find less drawn to the things that make you feel dirty. Feeling follows action not the other way around.

Just a thought.

#301164 - 09/01/09 01:39 PM Re: I'm not lovable [Re: Freedom49]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus

Registered: 01/28/08
Posts: 2615
Loc: Central PA
"I'm not lovable..."

I feel this way all the time Marinan. I understand that completely. I hear you.

I ask my wife all the time why she loves me, because deep down inside I just can't see how she possibly can love me.

She says that if she had to do it all over again, she's marry me again.... and I can't figure out why. Why would she put herself through all this mess??? She didn't know it was there the first time, but to say she'd marry me all over know all this... I just don't understand!

She love me, but I don't know why. Those thoughts inside say, "I'm unlovable."

#301176 - 09/01/09 03:38 PM Re: I'm not lovable [Re: JustScott]
DJsport Offline

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Hi, Marinan. If you will accept a safe hug and genuine hug - here you go.


I totally understand where you are coming from. Totally.

You are in the best place possible. Know you will feel better about yourself. It is hard but, have faith and trust in yourself first and then others in time.

You are loveable. It is a belief that many of us have about ourselves that can be changed.

I started having "memories" and changing my thoughts 3 years ago.

Being here is a great step as you probably know.

I had to stop giving blow jobs and only get them and feel the feelings that came up as I changed my behavior. The pleasure will come back in time.

Anyway, I believe in small steps.


Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

#301249 - 09/02/09 01:43 AM Re: I'm not lovable [Re: DJsport]
Bewlayb1 Offline

Registered: 08/04/07
Posts: 243
Loc: NYC
Hi, Marinan

Honestly, I don't know you very well. I don't know what good, or bad qualities you possess. I can't tell you whether you are "lovable" or not. But it sounds like a lot of people who do know you, and care about you, believe that you are.

Blow jobs, shmo jobs. That's neither here, nor there. The problem is with how you feel about it. If it causes you so much distress, you should stop. It's within your power. Find someone you feel comfortable enough with and are truly fond of. I think your sexuality may evolve if you genuinely feel something in your heart towards this person. I know, easier said than done. But it is possible. Being down on yourself will only make it harder. You are not dirty. Everyone here empathizes with that feeling, and also knows it isn't true.

I was wrong. I do know something about you. You're a survivor. You lived through it and you're not hurting anyone. You're kinder to the world than the world was to you. So, you're stronger, tougher, wiser and more sensitive than most. Someone will find those things very "lovable." Just wait and don't give up.


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