Newest Members
bushydw, Teddyboy1969, Ransuko, Lovme4me, MRSAS
13556 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Cherub (45), Wolf71 (46)
Who's Online
4 registered (Guss, BDD, 2 invisible), 58 Guests and 6 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,556 Registered Members
75 Forums
70,508 Topics
492,400 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 11:29 AM
Topic Options
#299528 - 08/16/09 06:06 PM Insecurity
BlairSW Offline

Registered: 08/13/09
Posts: 5
Loc: Canada
This may seem like an elementary issue or even immature, but I get jealous when my partner checks out other people in my presence and makes comments about them. I know that this a "normal" thing, but I get so hurt by it. I think it may have origins in my insecurities due to my abuse. Fear of abandonment, not feeling adequate enough and so on. What are people’s thoughts on this? What can I do to begin deconstructing this and maybe changing my response? How do others respond to their partners "checking out" other people? I look forward to your insights. Cheers

#299535 - 08/16/09 06:57 PM Re: Insecurity [Re: BlairSW]
DJsport Offline

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Hi, Blair.

I understand the feeling of being jealous.

There are other topics on this very subject here - go to search option above.

I view this topic in 4 ways. Two of them have to due with the past csa issues (myths) and two are the current time. I am not sure how these "fit" into your life so, I will print them and let you determine the outcome for you.

1. Albeit not a good way thought - I do not want my perp to be with anyone else because I felt so special when I was with him. All kids want to be with there hero.

2. My perp told me without him I was nothing. My perp was abusive to others.

3. I believe all adults want to be exclusively seen as the ONE with there partners.

4. Have fun with it and accept the comments as NOT being about you but reflective of the other guy.

I hope this helps.

Peace, DJ

Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

#299559 - 08/16/09 10:00 PM Re: Insecurity [Re: DJsport]
wes-b Offline

Registered: 08/17/07
Posts: 438
Loc: Western, Canada

BlairSW, my brother of the wounds and fellow countryman :-)

hmm... could I have gone on more with my hearld :-\ probably.

that strikes close to an ol' chord. My fears of rejection and abandonment alone with a deep seated sense of danger/vulnerability when alone stuck terror in my heart when my partner notices another or commented positively about another. That is another of the nasty characteristic of the wounding of innocense. I had spend most of my life in fear of being inadequate, of not being perfect, and any chance for me to project my mother's judging and belittling of me on anyone (especially my partner) was take in full trance state and I went to nightmare fantasy-land.

That sucks... but know that as you heal and grow in self-love and self esteem you will be ruled less and less by the external and more by your connection with truth and love.

Heal Well by dear Brother. Wes

Happy to be a recovering survivor. :-)

Continuing to meet more of my fellows as I "Trudge the Road of Happy Destiny".

My Story, 1st pass


Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.