it's quite alright, boy. You're reaction was a completely normal one. Think about it this way. We were abused by some guy who also asked, threatened, or otherwise convinced us to keep the abuse a secret, right? Maybe it was a pact that was made that we would never tell.
Whatever the case all this time later we begin to understand how it all had such negative impact on our lives and we feel like we need to tell. We find what we think is a safe place to talk about it and we put it out there then the guilt and the fear set in because we've broken the secret or the pact we made. All hell breaks loose in our minds and the panic sets in. We feel like it's going to cause problems of some kind.
I did it. Many of the men and teenagers who come here have experienced it too. It's a perfectly normal reaction. As you've discovered tho, the sky doesn't fall if we choose to talk about it in a safe environment. Good job!
"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting 'Holy Shit! What a ride!'" ~Hunter S. Thompson