Thanks for the wisdom DJ and everyone who replied. Yeah, it was a bit of sarcasm in my last reply. I really couldn't help but beat myself up. But I guess I should know better than to get myself in this type of position by now.
You know, sometimes I like to write little encouraging sayings down that I make up myself or that I heard in a movie or tv show. I usually write them on little Post-It notes and stick one on my computer desk so everyday I sit at my desk I can see it. I have this one saying that goes "Today, all your dreams will come true." I think I heard it in a movie or something. I see it every single day and evry single day I see it I believe in it less and less. What little confidence I had in myself gets smaller and smaller everytime I look in the mirror. I can feel myself sliding back to my high school ways and that's someplace I never want to return to.
I keep telling myself that everyday will bring something new, something better, but I've been disappointed for a long time and I feel I have nobody to blame but myslef. Maybe I shouldn't be myself up so much, I'm only 19, I can't expect the extraordinary to just drop in my lap. (sigh) Thanks for listening.
Yet another 24 hours.