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#298170 - 08/06/09 01:10 AM Re: Therapist - male or female? [Re: NatureDrum]
petercorbett Offline

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2509
Hi my brothers (fraternal).

My view on this, and i've omly been in therapy for 1 year. My first T was a male, and he was ok, he is what I call a jack of all trades. He handles PTSD, mostly from military members in Germany. Where he is at there are military members coming back from Iraq, & Afganistan. So I presume most of his patients are there for wartime PTSD. I probably was his only child sexual abuse patient. I trusted him and gave him my full confidence. But in retrospect, I think that he was more interested in me and my wife getting along, in me dealing with this CSA. I had about 15 T sessions, before I had decided to leave Germany.

From Germany I was seeking a T that would accept me as a patient. I found one whom ONLY deals with child sexual abuse patients. And I found her in this web site, under therapists, but before she would accept me, I had to have a telecom interview. She called mre in Germany and we talked about the interview. She had accepted me and within my first week back in Texas, I had my first appointment. She and I hit it off right away, as I had no objections in telling her everything. Nothing was left out, be it SSA, homosexuality, and my abuse history. With her I had 20 sessions one for every week that I have been back in Texas. We had our differences and misunderstandings on some topics. But she had did more for getting little Pete partly out from out from the depths of darkness than my military T.

Tomorrow I start with a new T. He has been appionted as my Veterans Administration counselor. So I will have to learn on how to trust another with my secret. My fears, my emotions & my anger.

But my brothers (fraternal), I would try if possible for a T that specialises in CSA only.

Now I'm 70 tears old, and i am not bashful in telling my secrets to anybody.
That's my take on it. Hope it helps someone.

" I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunlight forever into eternity".

Heal well my brothers/friends.

Little Pete & big Pete. but 1 (Irishmoose)

Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.

#298234 - 08/06/09 09:50 AM Re: Therapist - male or female? [Re: petercorbett]
dark empathy Offline

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2712
Loc: durham, north england
With me it's not to do with a discomfort woemen women, ---- most of my friends are actually female.

it's purely to do with my phobia about S. Knowing that I'm in no risk of a physical reaction whilst getting into abuse discussion is pretty important to me, ---- that's probably why I've mostly disclosed over the phone.

On a very interesting note, a lady who is a good friend of mine (and in her fifties), is now actually looking at changing her specialization to working with abuse survivers through talking to me.

she's worked as a counseler for a long while, but is thinking of changing specialties, and though we've been very firm that we're friends and not T and patient she says she's picked up an interest in helping abuse survivers through our discussions, ---- it's certainly true that she was the easiest person I've ever disclosed to, ---- though at that stage she'd just about guessed anyway.

#298235 - 08/06/09 09:53 AM Re: Therapist - male or female? [Re: NatureDrum]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA

This question of male and female therapists comes up here from time to time, with opinions falling on both sides. As oriolsguy suggests, what's best for you is what really counts. If you're not already favoring one or the other from the beginning, just go for a therapist who seems to be experienced in male survivor issues and see how it works out. You may find that there's no problem either way in your case, or as you get into the difficult areas you may find you can't talk to your T for reasons of gender, in which case you would want to see someone else.

I have had four therapists over the years: one in Germany, two in the UK and one in the USA. All were women, but that was just the luck of the draw - I never expressed a preference. If I were to see another one I suppose I would ask for a woman just because that's what I am accustomed to by now.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

#298244 - 08/06/09 11:15 AM Re: Therapist - male or female? [Re: roadrunner]
sono Offline

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
Thanks everyone for your responses, thoughts and sharing your experiences. I'm hopefully going to find one soon and indeed one who understands this area. I'd always thought it would be too difficult to disclose this to a woman, but some of you have opened my mind on that with your positive experiences with female therapists. I'm going to still start with my gut feeling which many of you do seem to share that a guy would understand some of this on a deeper level. Great to hear some ideas about what to look for. Positive feelings, but nervous as hell!

the family
the perp

#298270 - 08/06/09 05:15 PM Re: Therapist - male or female? [Re: NatureDrum]
DJsport Offline

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
My experience has been men have fallen asleep on me and MY current T is a wonderful professional who happens to be a female.


Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

#298275 - 08/06/09 05:57 PM Re: Therapist - male or female? [Re: DJsport]
stripthesoul Offline

Registered: 04/13/09
Posts: 10
I've been thinking about this lately, in looking for someone. In general, I've had better experiences with women, but I also had one experience of a woman denying that female abuse of men is possible at all. In general, most of my therapists have downplayed the significance of what happened to me. I hope there are people out there who won't do that.

Edited by stripthesoul (08/06/09 05:58 PM)

#298276 - 08/06/09 06:06 PM Re: Therapist - male or female? [Re: stripthesoul]
DJsport Offline

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
What is asked for was some who could work with:


Male Survivor

Sexuality issues

I was "given" a T who said I can do 2 of 3 and I stated oh I need all 3 addressed and walked out. It was empowering to ask for what I need and demand it from professionals. NO MORE 2nd hand stuff.


Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

#298285 - 08/06/09 08:52 PM Re: Therapist - male or female? [Re: DJsport]
KENKEN Offline

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
For me, I had and have trouble "opening" up and talking about my sexuality with women. My first T was a woman and I found myself not telling all the truth/hiding the truth on how I felt. It was awkward for me as I was very shy.

I have since had a Male T. I feel comfortable around him. He has the ability to know when I am not being forward, not telling all that I feel! He has helped me so much with being Open about being gay. It is who I am. My true friends will still be my friends. The other so called friends have slipped away. All to their loss, not mine.



From the Movie: Antwone Fisher


#298292 - 08/07/09 12:22 AM Re: Therapist - male or female? [Re: KENKEN]
1islandboy Offline

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 906
Loc: washington

It's gonna be hard to follow Roadrunners advice (He's fast, cunning and smart).

So I guess I'll just have to draw on my own personal experience. I have had bad experiences w/men (but it's one of those luck of the draw type things)...I wouldn't rule out seeing a male T.

I have personally had better luck with women...My last T was more like my grandma (attractive and attentive enough that I felt comfortable, but not the point of distraction, from my primary purpose).

Beyond gender (for me), I think it is important to work with someone who has enough of a type B personality that will give me their absolute undivided attention and enough of a type A personality that will challenge (my thoughts and beliefs) and push me only when I am ready. (for me this is all hard to explain...

...and words wont do this justice...

...(trying)... sort of that go with your I honestly feel comfortable with where I am about to go with this person...

...and if not,the first session was just a meet and and greet and I've got to keep movin on)...

Veteran of the Psychic Wars (BOC)


Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

#298308 - 08/07/09 03:03 AM Re: Therapist - male or female? [Re: 1islandboy]
M3 Offline

Registered: 09/05/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
Hey guys,

This is a really interesting topic and I appreciate everyone's feedback. Here's my two cents:

My first attempts in recovery were with female therapists. I was too scared of men to work with a male therapist. They managed to get me to a point where I could work with a male therapist. My last therapist is a gay man - someone I could identify with and felt more safe to be frank about sexuality, dating, etc.

For me, the sex of my therapists was a MAJOR factor is deciding to work with them. I choose the female because I felt safer with a female and then choose a man because I wanted to connect with another gay man to discuss moving forward in life as a gay male survivor.

We each have our own issues to confront and our own comfort levels with the different sexes. I don't think one sex is inherently better equipped to deal with a CSA survivor, is more likely, which therapist are we most likely to work with best. It is a personal decision based on your history and comfort level. Think it through and remember, if it doesn't work, discuss it with your therapist and don't be afraid to change if you have too. But also be open to being challenged. Know your comfort zone and where you are at (and were you want to go) in your recovery.

Peace and love...


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