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#296066 - 07/20/09 03:41 PM Ache to Run
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2653
Loc: Denver, CO
the ache to run
        fear of discovery
    fear of failure
        fear of being seen

it echoes through my being
    like a thundering step against ancient stone stairs
        within empty ruins

one by one I drop my resources
        online groups
    support groups
        friends
            therapy

until I stand alone, naked, confused
                and humiliated

this is the fourth time
    I have wanted to hide from existance
        to the point of physically moving
                with no forwarding address

it scares me

it cripples me in its grasp
        of cold depression

and where do I run
                but to the family from whom
        I have tried to escape
                        for years

I know it
I see it
I can feel its weight

it returns like clockwork
        every 12 years

yet i find no way to escape
                    this all-consuming
                                          ache to run


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#296122 - 07/20/09 08:40 PM Re: Ache to Run [Re: MarkK]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/21/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
My wife is out of town and I am home alone again. Tonight I will be busy with 2 tests for school but after 9:00 PM and anytime this week would be a good time to get back together again. I am writing you a PM too. Running from our problems is called the geographical cure and AA counsels against the practice. In my own experience before I had resolved most of my issues running away to start anew never solved my problems. You have a fair amount of good going for you here, so why run? The economy is no better there anyway. In fact, Colorado is one of the brighter spots economically these days. In California unemployment is almost 12% as opposed to under 8% here. If you add-in the discouraged workers who have given-up looking for work and the workers over age 50 who have also dropped-out of the workforce, the unemployment rate in Michigan is over 22%. and in metro Detroit, an urban area of 4.5 million people, the total unemployment rate is over 30%.

Starting over somewhere else is never easy even in the best of times. When you have no local links employers will often pass the unknown over for someone that they know or have a common history with. You will go into town and nobody will know you. It will give you an opportunity to struggle your way up the ladder again, but doesn't often work out as we had hoped. Every time that I have tried the geographic cure I have lost something in the process even in my last and most successful attempt. I lost all of my old friends who weren't supportive of my recovery when I last moved from a much worse neighborhood to Superior and left no forwarding address. I received my mail at a Mailboxes Etc off of Wadsworth and 52nd for quite a while too.

I still think that your prognosis would be a lot better working through your issues here where you have some support than it would be taking your chances on the unknown road in a foreign land. Let me know if you want to get together for lunch with some of the other guys as I am home alone for the next 3 weeks.

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#296132 - 07/20/09 09:40 PM Re: Ache to Run [Re: Trucker51]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2653
Loc: Denver, CO
i was just laid off - so it seems i may have a bit more "free time" than i originally planned.

m

ps - got no PM

ok - got PM



Edited by MarkK (07/20/09 11:48 PM)

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