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#295636 - 07/17/09 02:49 PM this might MS 101 but re male rape
Brix Offline

Registered: 07/17/09
Posts: 4
Loc: Los Angeles, CA
my father molested me starting at age 9, but it felt good. he didn't penetrate me until i was 12. i remember that was the first time, physically and mentally, that i felt that it was a violent attack. is it considered rape when there is no penetration?

#295672 - 07/17/09 07:13 PM Re: this might MS 101 but re male rape [Re: Brix]
JDV Offline

Registered: 06/26/05
Posts: 311
Are you asking for the legal definition? Or are you asking if what he was doing to you before 12 was wrong? I don't know about California but in most states ANY penetration (meanig even a finger in your mouth) is technically "rape." In every state any sexual contact with a child is statutory rape. Incest is also illegal. Sexual assault doesn't require penetration, but would be commonly understood, I think, as rape.

The bigger question maybe isn't a bunch of legal mumbo jumbo. The bigger question is, under any definition was what he did to you wrong? And what impact has it had on your life. Those are questions we all need to answer and will, I think, lead to more useful answers than what specific crime he comitted (though as you can see from the above, I suggest he comitted several).

-- Sent from mobile device --
My Story Parts One, Two and Three of Four

#295676 - 07/17/09 07:27 PM Re: this might MS 101 but re male rape [Re: JDV]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA

Just a few words adding to what JDV has said. The sexual abuse of a child doesn't have to involve any touching at all. If someone tries to get off by luring a boy into a sexual conversation, that's abuse. If someone watches him in the shower or keeps walking into his room when he's likely to be undressed, that's abusive too. Taking pictures of him in sexually suggestive poses is abuse.

I think the key here is your comment that the penetration felt like a violent attack. It was! But so also were the other things he did, even if they felt good at the time. If you reacted in a positive way physically, all that means is that your sexual plumbing was working as it was meant to work. Everything he was doing was harming you in one way or another. The penetration was different because maybe at that point you were beginning to see that something wrong was happening.

But none of this was your fault and it was never your task to understand what was going on. I mean, I had been abused for two years before, at the age of 12, I figured out that what the abuser was doing was sexual. You were a kid, after all. You had every right to be innocent and unaware, and the job of adults in your life was to protect that right, not exploit it.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

#295681 - 07/17/09 07:44 PM Re: this might MS 101 but re male rape [Re: JDV]
DJsport Offline

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742

Welcome to MS.

I agree with J. It is your dad so, difficult to hear.

My dad had huge influence in my life as well.

From, your wording I would say you have every reason to question what happened you.


Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

#296219 - 07/21/09 12:59 PM Re: this might MS 101 but re male rape [Re: Brix]
MichaeldR Offline

Registered: 12/03/08
Posts: 36
Loc: South Carolina
Hi, Brix:

I was sexually assaulted by two different men. One was my father, who only fondled me - I call that molestation.

The other guy (a neighbor) f@**ed me when I was 12 - that to me is rape.




My mantras:

Easy Does I - - - - - - Lą oł il y a la vie il y a l'espoir.
One Day At A Time - - - Lą oł il y a l'espoir: la vie.
First Things First- - - Where there's life there's hope.
LIVE and Let Live - - - Where there is hope: life.

#306615 - 10/15/09 10:31 PM Re: this might MS 101 but re male rape [Re: Brix]
jtafoya11 Offline

Registered: 06/21/09
Posts: 24
Loc: new mexico
i think any inapprporaute touching of a cild at any age is consider rape. i was abuse by my mother growing up and its hard to deal with the meemorys becaise i live with them daily.

Randy Tafoya


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