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#293746 - 07/01/09 02:19 AM Introduction
Yaoichan Offline

Registered: 07/01/09
Posts: 1
Loc: London, England
Hello Everyone

First, let me say what a relief it was to find these website. I've always used optimism to cope with the abuse I've endured but over the past few weeks, I've realised how I feel about a lot of things and it's rather overwhelming, definitely hurtful but also releiving. I think I'm ready to talk about things now, let off some steam and hopefully feel better.

People I've spoken to before (my mother, my boyfriend, my counsellor) seem to miss the point of my situation on a variety of levels. Firstly, they fail to see that I am a man. They can't grasp the concept that I am indeed male, and that I'm just trapped in a female's body. Secondly, they seem to think that me wanting to have a sex change is a result from my abuse. It's not. I've been a guy for as long as I can remember. I was abused from age 12.

I won't go into detail of the abuse (I'm not in the right frame of mind to do so anyway), but it was reported to the police by my mother. However, when it got to the part where they wanted to film me while I was describing anything, I chickened out. My mum seemed very depressed and kept blaming herself. It was heartbreaking watching my mum beat herself up over something she didn't know was happening. I'm 16-years-old now and I still can't talk to my mum about it (not because I feel she doesn't care, but rather it'll upset her and she won't fully understand).

I play online games a lot and recently met a guy through a game. He seemed very trustworthy, yet I didn't know him very well... and for some reason that made it very easy for me to tell him everything. He was on webcam at the time and I saw that I'd made him cry. Aside from feeling overly guilty for having placed a burden on him, I felt very releived. I now feel attracted to him, like there's a bond... he knows exactly how to comfort me when I'm feeling down, aswell as make me laugh when I'm feeling happy. We recently started an online relationship and swapped phone numbers.

My mum would go absoloutly mad if she found out...
I'll tell her soon... hopfeully >_<

I'm now 16-years-old and I wouldn't say I've completely survived yet. Flashbacks and bad dreams about what my step-dad did to me keep coming back frequently, and there are still a lot of days where I just snap and shout at everything that comes my way. I have a lot of anger inside me that I keep taking out on my sister, but I think she understands.

My mum is very supportive with my gender identity issues. She's promised we'll look into hormone therapy some time this summer. So, optimism for the win, eh? smile

Oh wow, just relaised how.. pointless this post was... sorry guys >_<

#293760 - 07/01/09 03:38 AM Re: Introduction [Re: Yaoichan]
friendinneed Offline

Registered: 06/04/09
Posts: 107
Hello and welcome. Pointless how? Your courage is inspiring. You challenges as great as any here. You are among friends here and you should know that we try and be as supportive and non-judgemental as we can. I hope you find this site to be helpful and encouraging.

In this spirit let me offer you a open ear, a open heart, and an open mind if you need them. I support your recovery efforts and respect "you".

It has taken me a long time to realize "me" is okay that which I came from, my history, who I am today, and the "me" of tomorrow too. I am a work in progress but who is not, right. I want you to know that we never ever, but never again have to go it alone!

Thank you for reaching out. I am wishing you the best.

Peace my friend.

#293765 - 07/01/09 03:47 AM Re: Introduction [Re: Yaoichan]
Trucker51 Offline

Registered: 05/21/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
I wouldn't say that your post was pointless. It took a tremendous amount of courage to come onto an unfamiliar website and reveal what you have. You have come to the right place to begin to deal with the issues of your past victimization. Sexual identity confusion is one of our hot topics of discussion, and many survivors have issues with anger. In fact, anger is one of the recovery stages.

Our teen coordinator is a college senior from Wales. Lewis (King Tut) will be glad to assist you become more comfortable on the site. Ask him for access to the teen forum. We are a group of guys ranging in age from 15 up to 70, and we are all here working together to try to find our way to freedom from our past. Marvin, Marcus, and Nyjah are several of our other regular teen members, and there are several guys who are 18-19 here too. I think that you will quickly find that there are plenty of people here who will become supportive friends over time.

Welcome to MS, glad that you found us,


"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark

#293835 - 07/01/09 09:00 PM Re: Introduction [Re: Yaoichan]
Sans Logos Offline

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5796
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
hello and welcome to the organization. hopefully we'll be able to give you support you need as you go through this challenging time in your young life.

all the best,


Ron Schulz, MSPC, NCC

#294211 - 07/04/09 05:52 PM Re: Introduction [Re: Sans Logos]
harrisonz Offline

Registered: 03/21/09
Posts: 20
Loc: MD, USA
Welcome to this site. I fet the very same way when I came on board - RELIEVED that I could share this horrible thimg.

I agree with you about your situation, meaning that I do not feel that the sex abuse you suffered made you gay or want to pursue who really are.

I thought I was gay because of me father's sex abuse. But I know that is not true. It confuses us. We need to understand that the abuse is not who we really are. It certainly poisons and stalls who we really want to be.

Be brave. Be you. Don't let others dictate. Use this site and other means of support. People do care and understand. Believe it.

Keep moving forward. Cheers, mate.

#294280 - 07/05/09 01:36 PM Re: Introduction [Re: Yaoichan]
MichaeldR Offline

Registered: 12/03/08
Posts: 36
Loc: South Carolina

I admire your forthrightness and honesty in dealing with your issues. Having had two friends go through the process of gender-reassignment (both m to f), I have enormous respect for you and support you.

May you be guided to make good decisions.




My mantras:

Easy Does I - - - - - - Lą oł il y a la vie il y a l'espoir.
One Day At A Time - - - Lą oł il y a l'espoir: la vie.
First Things First- - - Where there's life there's hope.
LIVE and Let Live - - - Where there is hope: life.


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