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#291856 - 06/16/09 02:55 PM Help for my brother, day 3
lil'sis Offline

Registered: 06/15/09
Posts: 20
Loc: Texas
This is the 3rd day, knowing what I know...It still baffles me that I have no problems with believing the absolute worse about my dad. Seriously, why am I not in denial about the whole thing? When my brother starting telling me about this, I just had this real sick, sinking feeling in my gut and my head...I just knew he wasn't lying...Of course, to make myself feel bad, for believing him, I started thinking and saying to myself "he believes it happened" as opposed to it happened...I started remembering all kinds of things from the past. One instance our oldest sibling was having an argument with dad, over what, I don't know, but she started yelling "don't hit me daddy!". I was actually walking into the room (this was just a few years ago)while all this was going on and thinking, what the hell, you know? She walked right passed me and I looked at dad and said what was that all about and he just chuckled and said he didn't know...Well, I mentioned this to my brother while we sat on the kitchen floor of my house and he said that as a kid, he remembers our sister having swollen eyes or a busted lip and that she would never talk about it. It always happened when she would be "summoned" by dad. And I have to really admit it, as a a kid, I was scared of my dad. I still don't have any memories of him hitting me or doing anything else, but he would go on these tirades and would just nearly bring the house down yelling and screaming about God knows what. You know I was given some pictures this weekend and they include pics of my parents. I can't even look at them...I have a counselling session on Friday. I don't know if I am ready to start talking as this session will include my husband. I will betray my brother's confidence if I speak about this and he is close to my brother. My husband always thought my family, excluding my mom and like 2 of my brothers, were screwed in the head, now he will have confirmation.

#291869 - 06/16/09 04:08 PM Re: Help for my brother, day 3 [Re: lil'sis]
sweet-n-sour Offline

Registered: 10/03/06
Posts: 409
Loc: chicago
Dear lil'sis:

I am impressed with your ability to support your brother. Many times when abuse occurs in a family, the dynamic is so strong that the person who finally places a name to the abuse and the abuser is labeled as a trouble maker. In that instance, support often goes to the abuser as opposed to the survivor.

In being the youngest of seven, I can attest that it is quite normal to just accept the way it was without any sort of questioning as to if it was a healthy environment to grow up in or not. When something happens to change the perceptions of the past, it can often become a very heavy weight to carry.

Although having your brother disclose to you may seem overwhelming at this moment, try to look at this as an opportunity to find yourself as well.

I'm glad to see you are in counseling but I would first run the idea of disclosing what your brother told you with him before saying anything to your husband. Your brother truly needs you on his side.

Sending you support.


"As long as he continues to try, I will meet him in that determination and commitment."

cm 2007

#291872 - 06/16/09 04:14 PM Re: Help for my brother, day 3 [Re: sweet-n-sour]
lil'sis Offline

Registered: 06/15/09
Posts: 20
Loc: Texas
Thank you for that. We were raised with the mentality that family is everything...well that theory is blown to a certain extent. Yep, I was actually going to call our counselor to ask him not to mention anything during our session. I'm just not ready for it yet...

#291915 - 06/16/09 08:40 PM Re: Help for my brother, day 3 [Re: lil'sis]
Anna1988 Offline

Registered: 05/30/09
Posts: 30

One thing to keep in mind at counseling sessions is that you do not have to talk about things you are not ready to bring up. If your husband is critical about your family and you don't want to add negativity to your mind ask to speak to the counelor alone; this is not abnormal and may give you the ability to deal with some of your own feelings. Though in most cases it just takes a long time to be ready to discuss abuse with someone, that's okay just take your time.

Also, you are an amazing person for believing your brother. Often the disclosure of abuse results in family tension etc. The fact that your brother was willing to come to you shows alot about the type of person you are.

Good luck.

#291918 - 06/16/09 09:02 PM Re: Help for my brother, day 3 [Re: Anna1988]
lil'sis Offline

Registered: 06/15/09
Posts: 20
Loc: Texas
Thank you! I have gotten so much encouragement and support here. I really need it.


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