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#291237 - 06/11/09 04:17 PM At the end of my rope.
pablo-picasso Offline

Registered: 06/11/09
Posts: 1
Someone please help. I am trying to find resources in San Jose CA for adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse and have found NOTHING. I was either physically, sexually, or emotionally abused from birth into adulthood. I've got to get this stuff out before I just give up. I'm so tired of living in pain and have only one Godly man as support in my life. I have 5 children from 5 different women through 3 marriages and my current wife who I have no children with is contemplating divorce. PLEASE HELP ME WANT TO LIVE AGAIN! Paul

#291249 - 06/11/09 07:06 PM Re: At the end of my rope. [Re: pablo-picasso ]
Trucker51 Offline

Registered: 05/21/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Well Paul, you are always welcome to participate here on our site. Have you yet read through a recovery book like Mic Hunter's book ABUSED BOYS or Mike Lew's book VICTIMS NO LONGER? Both of these books are available for purchase from our own online bookstore off of our homepage, along with numerous others. Why don't you come up to our introduction forum and introduce yourself there? I think that you will find us to be a caring and understanding bunch of guys here. We are all here working together trying to find our freedom.

The parent organization that runs this site also runs several intensive recovery weekends in the US and Canada every year. There is one fairly close to you every Spring, and the next one is coming up in Ontario, Canada in July. I myself don't know of any Bay-area groups, but other members here might. Hope that we can help you find your freedom too.

Again, welcome to Male Survivor,


"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark

#291273 - 06/11/09 11:22 PM Re: At the end of my rope. [Re: pablo-picasso ]
InsideTheWall Offline

Registered: 01/10/09
Posts: 297
You are not alone. I know how dark and scary this place can be when you first get here, but there's help. Alot of guys here have relationship problems related to their traumas. Its normal for someone with your experiences.

#291285 - 06/12/09 02:41 AM Re: At the end of my rope. [Re: InsideTheWall]
expom Offline

Registered: 01/07/09
Posts: 126
Loc: Australia
Hi Paul.
For years I spent so much time trying to work out what I was to do when I was at the end of my rope.

Sometimes I tried hard to pull it so that I could try and put a not in both ends so that I didn't feel like I was being ripped apart.

Sometimes I felt like it was my job to try and tie a knot in one end and hang onto that.

Sometimes I felt like I was supposed to "let go and let God".

Yet most of the time I felt like I wanted to tie a noose in the end of the rope and go swinging off the end of it.

For the most part those long dark days told be Anonymous have all but disappeared but the journey still seems long and scary.

I, too, have felt a lot of help and support from the information contained on this website but I agree that it is no substitute for face too face contact with others. It took me a year or so of recovery counselling before I was even ready to talk with another guy about what happenend to me - mostly because I thought that no-one else could possibly know what I was going through.

How I thank God that He brought me to a place where I can meet up with other survivors face to face - almost as much as I want. You may not be able to see this happening for you at the moment. but please be assured that within you, you do have the strength to make it; to get to the stage where it feels ok about contemplating taking the next breath, the next step.

Please, brother, try and stay strong. That little boy inside of you has done such a good job at keeping you alive up to this point in time, he can manage for a few more weeks as you get ready to take over and take posession of your recovery process.

You can do it. You really can. There are so many of us out there that it won't be long before you sense of isolation starts to diminish.

Until then, keep coming back here to get little bits of help and advice so that you can start to make every day feel at the very least, tolerable.


I endured all my yesterdays. I prevail in all of my todays. I exercise my right to be able to enjoy my tomorrows. I choose not to do it alone.


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