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#2938 - 08/05/04 09:31 PM Re: What kept you from telling?
MrEdd Offline

Registered: 01/24/03
Posts: 340
Loc: Texas
I tried to tell several times, but my mother wouldn't listen during the first years. Over time I became convinced that if she did believe me, she would run away and leave the family without her. From a vantage point 37 years later I still believe that to be an accurate assesment.

Some Things are not problems to be solved, rather, they are facts which must be coped with over time.

#2939 - 08/06/04 11:58 AM Re: What kept you from telling?
ak Offline

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
I do not post here so much. And I do not know I like this question, but something of it make me feel I need answer it.

What keep me from telling? What make it that they must do something to keep me from teling? How I can tell of it? What is disgusting, what is gross, what make me feel I am bad, I am evil, I am not human? Why they would have to do anything to make me not tell it?

Three them, they do different things make me not to tell. Threat, physical violence to me, inplying that my family know and don't care. I was child away of home, with no one there with me, and was scare of it all.

But other one, he never threat me, he never is bad or mean to me. He tell me he love me. I have nothing to fear of him. So why I not tell of him?

I don't know. \:\(


#2940 - 08/06/04 04:56 PM Re: What kept you from telling?
MikeNY Offline

Registered: 03/07/04
Posts: 927
Loc: NY
I was going to make a new post, then I realized that what I have to say actually belongs here.

Pity is one reason why. I hate pity. I can't stand it. It is degrading; to me, and to the people who do it. I am a very social person and I was working with the public when my brother died accidentally. For many years after my brother died, I constantly had people coming up to me expressing their sympathy. I know that most, if not all, of them meant well. I cannot tell you how many times I actually encountered pity. It was a countless number of times. It was overbearing. What I found even more unbelieveable was the number of women who were literally throwing themselves at me because of it. I never really did, and still don't mind talking about my brother, or his death. It truly doesn't bother me at all. I have had to not do it because of the pity. I only talk about it now when someone else brings it up, or when I feel that it can add something important to a conversation. Now, there are people who have literally known me for years that don't even know that I had a brother.

Also, my perp knew many of the same people that I knew. When I tried to talk with them, many of them would say that they didn't want to get into the middle of anything. With some other stuff, I can remember not telling about things as a child because of the peer pressure about being a "tattle tale" and parents and other adults actually getting tired of being told about things so that they would literally tell us to be quiet and that they didn't want to hear it.

"Every child asks the questions which hold the answers to the secrets of the universe, WHAT?, and WHY?". --Me

#2941 - 08/06/04 05:26 PM Re: What kept you from telling?
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
My brother molested me and I figured my father would probably beat me if I told him about it (he didn't like to get bad news).


#2942 - 08/08/04 10:05 PM Re: What kept you from telling?
JJSB Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/08/04
Posts: 1
Loc: USA
I didn't tell because it felt good and so I beleive it was my fault and inside I have a fear I must be Gay.

#2943 - 08/09/04 12:04 AM Re: What kept you from telling?
blacken Offline
Chat Moderator

Registered: 08/13/01
Posts: 1910
Loc: Northern Ohio
I'd have to say ignorance kept me quiet. I was very young when it started, perhaps 4. It was not violent back then. I accepted it like U'd accept snow in Winter. And I actually thought ALL Dads did this to their boys. I dont know if he planted that thought, or I came up with. As the sex became violent, I was really, really scared of him. I didn't dare complain. The thought of telling someone NEVER crossed my mind until my mid teens. I did make one attempt to tell my brother when I was 16. But it back-fired. He wouldn't believe the physical abuse, so I new he wouldn't believe the Sexual Abuse. It was a very ugly experience that sealed the thoughts of disclosure for another 15 years.

#2944 - 08/09/04 01:51 AM Re: What kept you from telling?
blueelectron9 Offline

Registered: 11/07/02
Posts: 387
Loc: Victoria, BC Canada
The first incident of SA from my mother had her cutting her wrists in front of me to show me that she would hurt herself if I told anyone about what was happening. Then, she would continue to replay that scene after each experience.

An odd duck who likes even numbers.

#2945 - 08/09/04 02:48 AM Re: What kept you from telling?
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Ken -

My female cousin (5+ yrs older) sexually abused me when I was 5 yo. My mom asked me what was happening upstairs. I told her. She never said it was wrong; didn't get angry; I thought it was okay because she said and disd nothing.

My male cousin sexually abused me and in the morning I told my mom. She called me ugly names, beat me with a cat-o-nine tails. I shut up and didn't tell her ever again.

My male cousin continued for another 2 yrs. and I told my dad. He threatened to send me away where I'd never see my family again. Then, he beat me with a cat-o-nine tails too. Again, the shame from my parents and the welts on my body were worse than the "pleasure" I had being sexual with others. I never told again. The abuse continued until I was 13 yo and he was 16.


If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

#2946 - 08/09/04 07:33 AM Re: What kept you from telling?
dale1812 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 04/10/04
Posts: 5
Loc: Western New York
Ken -

I didn't tell anyone because I was ashamed. I was so desperate for the attention of a strong male in my life. He befriended I thought. He gave me the physical and emotional attention I had been craving as a 12 year old. I was willing to do anything to keep his attention and affection. I didn't realize the cost nor how dirty I would feel at the end. That was my first lesson in relationships...I still struggle with what that taught me.

Dale II

#2947 - 08/10/04 12:23 AM Re: What kept you from telling?
Whicker Offline

Registered: 11/01/03
Posts: 117
Loc: Pastures of Oregon

Fear of being punished for 'doing something naughty'. Shame.


Esse Quam Videri
(To be, rather than to seem)

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