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#290581 - 06/07/09 05:08 AM If you do well....
Freedom49 Offline

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 2724
Loc: Washington State
Some thoughts, sorry if it is preachy it was just the way I processed it today.

If you do well, shall you not be accepted? Gen. 4:7

Why am I so angry? There is much to be angry about I suppose. I could go and list all of my reasons here but, why am I really angry. I was thinking about this today sitting in my hot tub building up a sweat. This line from Genesis came to mind.

I remember trying to please my dad on many levels actually and I would think up new ways to try and get a compliment out of him. Some acceptance, some approval that would somehow translate to me …I am ok.

I remember working real hard on a project in the garage where my makeshift bedroom was for a while. I worked daily for hours and hours for days building this miniature city. I was very proud of it. Mom thought it was pretty amazing too. I built it all out of cardboard with great detail. It had sliding doors, Plastic windows, all to scale.

My dad came out and looked at it. Then he looked at me and nodded his head slightly and went inside. I am not sure what I expected but certainly more than that. I was angry. I didn’t realize it then but I was. I didn’t cry and I am not sure why but it hurt like the dickens that he didn’t even say anything.

That Sunday my sister sang a song in church. She was maybe 13 or 14. She missed a line but finished anyway and my day had to mention several times that day how wonderful her voice was. I remember being really critical and irritated with her and not understanding why at that age.

Her offering was better than mine.

When I am short with co workers, frustrated with a piece of equipment, or a situation that is not to my liking I feel the anger wanting to come out. I snap at people, push things a little to hard, and sulk. It is totally out of proportion to what the situation or difficulty really is. I know this and at the time I am ashamed to respond in such a way but I can’t seem to help it. I can’t seem to stop. I have gotten very good at apologizing.

Now at times of quietude and contemplation I realize I have not done well. I have missed the mark that my earthly father and my heavenly Father both have set. The first in his selfishness, the second in his holiness and I am undone and angry and I look for scapegoats. I have done this my whole life. Sin lies at the door and its desire is to rule over me and many times in my frustration, confusion it does.

I cannot please the father, my offering is rejected and I am angry. I am angry at everything and to some extent sooner or later everyone. Disappointment has led to the anger, anger has led to hate, hate of all kinds of things but ultimately me.

But the root is disappointment. Disappointment in me for something I cannot possibly ever do anything about anyway. Because I am human and flawed. My only hope to please The Father is by trusting in his Son. My religion is based on the words of Mary his mother speaking about her son.

“Whatsoever he says unto you, do it”.

So what is he saying to me right now? Abide in me…trust me.

God teach me how to do that. I am really tired of being angry.


#290607 - 06/07/09 01:09 PM Re: If you do well.... [Re: Freedom49]
LowSky Offline

Registered: 05/30/09
Posts: 35
Loc: Glen Burnie,MD
"I cannot please the father, my offering is rejected and I am angry."

In this you are correct, you cannot please the Father. He pleased with you already. After all,He did send Jesus to did for you. If you are offering for acceptance then you are offering for the wrong reason.
I offer God whatever I may with the knowledge that He accepted it, not for the offering, but for the heart behind the gift. If we give a gift to a family member or friend with the expectation of getting something back, is that not a bribe?
God can't be bought with what He already owns. I have found that the gift I give given with pure love is the one He accepts.

As for pleasing your father and how he responded to you and your sister, that is his problem right? We can only hope they will accept our gift, and thereby accept us. This thinking is flawed as I said before.

God, as you know is the one we get our worth from NOT man. I am sorry that your Dad was so myopic as to not see your pain. But God did and He loves you just for you.

If you are a reader I encourage you to read "The Shack" this book helped me with my attitude of gratitude.

God loves you without limits and that love is forever.

Love, Dan

Edited by LowSky (06/07/09 01:11 PM)
Hate destroys not the hated but, the hater.


#290627 - 06/07/09 03:39 PM Re: If you do well.... [Re: LowSky]
Freedom49 Offline

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 2724
Loc: Washington State
Thank you for your comments. I really appreciate them and you are right I think. It was his problem and my disappointment was my problem. As a kid I could not understand why he would reject me all the time during the day and then come to me at night and accept me that way. It was indeed his problem. Why a boy will retain such hurt and yet still try to connect in adulthood even when dad is dead and gone and there is no hope is a psychological thesis in itsself. Finding a way to forgive and let the anger and disappointment go is part of my healing journey.

As for the book "The Shack" I am in the process of reading it a second time. I wept through so many parts that I could hardly see the print. The last part where he sees his dead father tore me up and now I understand why. The book really helped change my perception of God for the better and helped me separate my attempts to please God with my attempts to please Dad. Thanks again.


#290638 - 06/07/09 07:09 PM Re: If you do well.... [Re: Freedom49]
Tedure Offline

Registered: 04/17/09
Posts: 203
Loc: Utah
I can so relate to you and your Dad. I remember the one time in my life my Dad gave me a compliment. I was on the tractor cutting the hay on our farm and he said I was doing a "good job on the corners." It was over 30 years ago but I remember it like yesterday. Unfortunately, my dad was a rageaholic because of the abuse from his dad, my grandpa. So I learned to depend on my Heavenly Father like you. He has never disappointed or let me down! He is my anchor!

1 Thes. 5: 21
"hold fast that which is good."

I hold on to HIM with all my might.

May God continue his blessing,

When you change the way you look at things the things you look at change.


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